Karate Don’t Sing Edition

To begin, a movie about solving a jigsaw puzzle. I don’t know if kids these days still do these, but when I was young it was a lot of fun. I imagine puzzle games on the computer or console serve much the same purpose.

Following is easily the best in our continuing series of White People Rap, The Karate Rap. It’s around four and a half minutes, but it does get (unintentionally) more ridiculous as it goes. If you ever wanted to be a combo samurai/shogun/ninja, thins could be the place for you.

Finally. . . well, you know what this is.

18 Responses to Karate Don’t Sing Edition

    • Funny you should ask.

      I just finished chapter 28 out of 31, which brought me to 98,039 words so far. I don’t know how many book pages that is, but it’s 245 eight and a half by eleven pages, in twelve point Palatino. (I don’t know what any of that actually has to do with anything, but there it is anyway.)

      I may well finish the first draft this week, (next week at the latest) after which will come the first round of rewrites. After that, I’ll have the test readers give it a look, then more rewrites. After THAT, I’ll have an actual editor give it a once over, make any corrections she says it needs, and then hand it over to Lena, who will turn it into an actual ebook. Then I’ll give that to Amazon, Apple, Barnes and Noble, and wherever else I can find to sell it for me.


      (And somewhere in there I’ll start working on book two!)

      • Well, if you need to have a proof reader, I am willing to help. Proof reading is actually one of the things that I do in my job.

        This has absolutely nothing to do with wanting to read it early :-).

        Have you thought about self publishing?

        • Yeah. I’m not going with a conventional publisher at all. I have enough professional writer friends to convince me that was NOT the way to go. That’s why the ebooks. You will be able to buy a reasonably priced paper book if you really want it, through Amazon, Lulu, and whoever else I find that does POD, but it will cost a little more. (I can’t actually help that.)

          What is your job?

          • I like the way that the Internet has changed things, and the way that the barrier to publishing has considerably lowered.

            I will probably end up buying the paper copy when you put it on sale. I don’t mind reading webcomics or articles online, but I am not keen on reading full books on a screen.

            My job? My job title is currently something like ‘Product and IT Director’. What I actually do most of the time is put the finishing touches (Including checking code and proofreading etc) on websites, Facebook pages, Twitter designs, and Videos.

  1. 1) Inspred by Brian Dunning?
    2) Karate makes you move gayly in front of geishas?
    3) My knees are damaged enough already…

  2. Statistically, in Skyrim, I reckon you should now be more likely to meet people who used to be city guards until they took an arrow in the knee than people who used to be adventurers until they took an arrow in the knee.

    • Arrow to the Knee: The biggest occupational injury risk known to man in the world of Skyrim.

      Being an insurance agent who writes up disability cheques must be quite frustrating. “What, ANOTHER ONE? My boss is never going to believe that!”
      Add to that the mocking he has to endure by his co-workers: “Hey Bob, I heard you got another knee victim? Are you going to buy shares in the fletching industry? Hahaha…”
      Bob: “I swear, *someone* is going around skewing the statistics. Someone with a bow and arrow. I’m going to find that bloody bugger, if it’s the last thing I do!”

      And thus was born the legend of Bob, Hero Accountant, and his mighty steed Risk Assessment, who braved icy rivers and dragon-infested mountains to hunt down that damn adventurer who kept shooting people in the knees, and end this tragic epidemic once an for all! For civilization! So that our children may grow up in a world where people can go about their daily duties unmolested.. or at least wear better knee armor.

      • Oh my. I just stumbled over this:

        “(…) You know the line. You’ve seen the jokes. You’ve heard the dubstep remix. Maybe you have the tattoo?

        Here’s the secret origin, from Bethesda’s chief game developer, Todd Howard:

        “It’s certainly not intentional that it would catch on that way,” he told me recently. “It’s a line that we liked.”

        They liked the line so much that they made sure it was in the game a lot, right? Not really. “I don’t think you hear it that much,” he said. “It sticks out. It’s got more flavor, so I think it sticks out.”

        “It’s a great line,” Howard continued, laughing. “[Senior Bethesda game designer] Emil Pagliarulo wrote it.

        “This was late in the project. We wanted to have the guards to have more personality. They’re usually just grunting, telling you what to do. So we had Emil go in and write a lot more stuff and have them reflect you. So the guards say the most about you and what you’ve done: ‘Oh, I like that armor.’ ‘I hear you’re doing this.’ And then, there is a suite of, ‘Why am I no longer a guard? These guys are adventuring. I’m stuck here with dragons.’ That was just one of the lines.”

        Pagliarulo wasn’t available to tell us just why he wrote that line, but at least we now know why it’s in there. It’s there for you, gamers. The guards want you to know that you matter.

        And, no, Bethesda did not expect to create the biggest gaming meme since the one about cakes and lies.”