Pastor Grant Storms (53) was a good man. A godly man. A man who described himself to his followers as a “Christian Patriot,” and a man for whom talking the talk was simply not enough. In order to spread god’s love far and wide Pastor Grant would regularly organize forays into New Orleans’ French Quarter, he and his flock equipped with bullhorns, to lovingly harass, belittle, and repudiate any gay people they could find.
The good pastor’s most bestest time of the year was the Southern Decadence festival, which is a huge gay pride event often described as the “Gay Mardi Gras.” With bibles, picket signs, and megaphones, Pastor Grant and congregants would hold their own anti-gay Purity Parades through the middle of the French Quarter, lovingly disrupting festival activities. Because of the volume with which the pastor and his pals were spreading the love/hate, the city of New Orleans was forced to ban megaphones, bullhorns, and all other amplification devices in the city streets. In his own description of his behavior, the pastor says that he was vicious in his condemnation of others. (But lovingly so.)
In February of this year at a playground in Lafreniere Park, two women spotted Pastor Grant Storms watching the playing children in the park while masturbating in the front seat of his van. The women alerted a park attendant who called the police, who lovingly arrested Pastor Grant.
The pastor told the police that he had simply been peeing into a bottle, and that nothing ungodly had been occurring. After multiple eyewitness accounts of Pastor Grant sharing god’s love with himself arose, he admitted that he had put his hand down his pants and even said he was ashamed for having done it, but did not admit to masturbating, and adamantly denied his lust for childflesh. Confronted with those same eyewitness accounts of him actually masturbating while watching children, the pastor said he was a sex addict, and had been looking at porn before he came to the park. (He also cited this as the reason for his estrangement from his wife and four children. There was no comment on whether or not he liked to masturbate when he watched his own kids play.)
It seems that if there is a god, he just may have a sense of humor.