The Tuesday Videos: Dark Status Edition

While this was rather a long time in coming, (here, anyway) I felt like it was a worthy add. Perfect for all the fans who said, “But why didn’t he just…”

Numbers two and three are a bit of nostalgia for the old-timers out there. For the newer minted gamers and geek among you, I will tell you that Jack Chick’s religious mini-comic book, Dark Dungeons, (found in fine public restroom stalls everywhere) was the very pinnacle of anti-gaming marketing. Everyone knew about it, and gamers loved it. It was extremely silly, kinda stupid, and painted it’s own side in the worst light possible. What follows is the entire tract, poorly animated with some professionally bad voice acting. For those of you watching and thinking, “What the fuck…?” remember that this was the best of what the Christian Right had back in those dark days of yore.

Those were the days.

(You can stop once the credits start to roll. There’s nothing more.)

I know some of you will ride me about having two vids on the same thing, parts one and two. Just for you, I’ve thrown in a bonus.

22 Responses to The Tuesday Videos: Dark Status Edition

  1. Harry Potter should have used a Desert Eagle.

    The Dark Dungeons vid was painful. I didn’t even finish the first one. I appreciated the Dead Alewives reference, however.

    Nothing to say about the third vid.

    • My favorite bit is in the second half after Blackleaf has killed herself. Whatsername is meandering around the room, and the dead chick has a half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew on the nightstand.

      • Yeah, in the first vid, I think I saw her knock a bottle of Mountain Dew off the table as well when she gets up to leave.

      • I found it interesting how the christian cult she joined was pretty much the same as the occult one, same propaganda and oppression, just with different names.

    • I’ve diligently tried to avoid the Harry Potter series because I’m certain it would annoy me a lot. But I feel it is necessary to address this point.
      The Desert Eagle is far from the world’s most accurate handgun, and it’s pretty damn near uncontrollable by anybody smaller than one of your eighty-plus kilo mountains of beefy brawn. I’m guessing Harry Potter is, instead, a skinny kid. If he tried to fire a Desert Eagle it would probably go something like this video:

  2. Oh my gosh, that Dark Dungeons is exactly like my old gaming group. If you died in game we totally ostracized you forever and we were totally DMed by a cultist with blind, white eyes. Oh, and she totally taught me spells and shit. That’s about as far as I got into that video. I kept wanting to see little green gems over their heads.

    I loved the first one, and kind of forgot I was on your site Kevin when I kept watching the next video, and the next video. Good stuff.

    I like “her” status. Made me laugh.

  3. 1. Finally I saw the end of Harry Potter! I can cross another item off the bucket list. I didn’t know Gandalf was in it? (Hilarious!)

    2. Uhh… this is why I don’t play with physical others.

    3. I skipped the daemon video.

  4. 1. This one I’ve seen before (first time, I think, for your video finds), but it’s just as funny the second time.

    2&3. I remember that tract fondly. My parents were worried I was teaching my younger sibs evil things. But then, they were sure the Democratic Party platform published in Newsweek in 1976 was Republican propaganda. No way THEIR party would take those positions. They got better. The funniest thing for me in this video was the ‘name’ of the creator. I’m sure “Bryan Blum” is a spoof on Brian Blume.

    4. Um.. I promise to never ever complain that two of your videos are really a two-part single offering, ok? I have learned the consequences of such attitude, and will studiously avoid even the appearance of such. And yeah, I’m aware of the fact that the annoyance factor was the point of the whole video, and if I were willing to put up with Facebook at all (dealing with my wife’s addiction is enough, thank you), I’d likely agree with the creator.

  5. The machinima would’ve been cooler if they used a totally inappropriate genre of textures, level design and models to do it all. It could’ve been awesomely wrong like having the ogre be a tank and all the characters being different armour types and one of those speeder bikes in Tribes 2, then using scenes and models from Return To Castle Wolfenstein (the old one for guts credit, the quake 3 engine remake if you’re trying to be more subtle) to represent all the stuff outside the game. Am I on to something here? Eh? Eh?

    For the last: Does this explain Carrot Top?

    • I tried to follow your interpretation, I really did, sadly I got lost somewhere on the second line and never made it back.

      • I’m complaining that I wanted them to be using warhammer models and other strange shit for rendering this movie as machinima. If you’re going to make a joke of your work by using bad render use REALLY bad render.