The Tuesday Videos: I’m Shy, You’re Dead Edition

I’m not certain if Allie Goertz has achieved any form of notoriety yet beyond the YouTubes, but I think she’s kinda fantastic.

Of course she’s not the only one. Japan may not have cornered the market on fantastic, per se, but they seem to have gotten a pretty good hold on fucked the fuck up.

Bringing it back to the ground a moment, I feel I have to throw a little cold water on the proceedings. Sorry to have to do this to ya’…

(BTW, yesterday was my birthday! I’m still all happy about it. Below was my favorite Facebook birthday wish.)

37 Responses to The Tuesday Videos: I’m Shy, You’re Dead Edition

  1. Cute voice and lyrics, thanks for sharing the first video : )

    I am somewhat at a loss for words on how to describe the second. “?” and “…” are the only thoughts that crossed my mind.

    As for the third, we can all thank Fabio and his magnificent programming skills for showing us the truth.

    Of course, the fourth deserves a belated “HAPPY BIRTHDAY !” along all my belated wishes of health and happiness ; )

  2. That was tame, trying not to make people’s skulls explode with this set Kevin? I was particularly disappointed with the second music video and the Japanese movie clip, you promised me fucked up man. Don’t make promises like that you can’t keep.

      • Eh, sorry, maybe I’m jaded but nothing less provocative than 2girls1cup gets a reaction anymore. It’s my fault I guess because of that time I got into a bad meme war and ended up crafting both a Rick Astley remix techno and a morph of goatse that transitions into a shot of Yellowstone. It’s kind of hard to develop weapons of shock and horror like that without losing sensitivity.

        • Not to be mean, but yeah. If you blow yourself out to the point where you have trouble enjoying the things that everyone around you does, it is kinda your own fault. Once you’ve had a fist in your ass, it’s hard to go back to dicks.

          • That’s not mean, I said I took part in that workplace meme-fight. It’s just that I keep waiting for the internet to do worse because it always manages it eventually, but it has been taking its sweet time over small steps of it recently.

  3. Allie has so much talent too bad it sounds like she lives under a textile mill:( Sounds like u have my kind of birthdays Kev. And yet the Fabio one was my fav… I like him cause he knows he’s a doofus, kind of like the Shat.

  4. #1: Blocked for germans
    #2: How does she reload that thing?
    #3: Yay for the internet machine!
    Oh, and sad birthday to you! 😀

  5. Kevin you have succesfully creeped me the hell out…

    I had some witty, silly, dumb comments to make, but now I just want to curl up in the corner and cry.

    Happy Birthday!

  6. Hey, who wouldn’t be em-bare-assed by having a chain gun pop out of their rectum? Could have been worse though, it could have been a great big satellite dish…

  7. I like the first video, good song, cute girl with a great voice. I’m gonna have to go look her up.

    The second video had me thinking if anyone is walking through the hall they’re gonna think I’m watching Japanese porn.

    Fabio amuses me. My friend’s mom was totally in love with him when I was a kid. I always laugh when he talks though. It’s good to be able to make fun of yourself.

    And yeah, that fourth one. Beats the hell out of the lame Happy Birthday I sent you. Seems appropriate for anyone who has a birthday on Halloween.

  8. 1: All I could think was “She looks like a girl I know from college. Huh.” Name’s pretty different, so I doubt they’re the same.

    2: I don’t usually quote internet-famous people, but I think “The Spoony One” said it best: “You got problems, Japan. You got problems.”

    3: I wonder if Old Spice’s recent brilliant marketing campaign has actually affected sales.

    4: Belated happy kevinday. I hope it was a good kevinday.

      • That’s really weird, because I didn’t link anything. I said “she looks like a girl I know from college. Huh.”

        • To answer your question about the advertising, in the car industry which manufacturer advertised more in a given year seemed to make roughly zero difference in sales amongst America’s big three companies over the last two decades. This result is according to more than one back-of-envelope grade statistical analysis I’m familiar with where the analyst tried to make a rough estimate of the straight effect between advertising and sales and mostly ignored all the other factors. It’s totally weak evidence because they mostly didn’t even try to control for other factors but it kinda makes sense to me that advertising rarely works big or much for old companies dealing in old products.

  9. Gratz on making it one year closer to the grave!

    Always remember:

    The Optimist sees the glass as half full.
    The Pessimist sees the glass as half empty.
    While they argue about it, the Opportunist comes along, drinks what’s left, and removes all doubt.

  10. I really liked the first one, she was very cute and sang well too. You have to like a person who has a gumball machine in there house, just like you Kevin… wait a minute was that your living room?
    As far as the 2nd one I really don’t know what to say, usually when I see a long black thing like that near an ass it’s shooting the other way…..
    3rd one Fabio is still alive? I thought they made him into porch furniture years ago.
    4th I don’t know where you celebrate your birthdays but it’ll take more than a 6 pack for me to recover from it, Happy belated birthday bro.