I drove my friend Roxanne to the airport this morning for her weekend with Dragon*Con. Lena and I enjoy the show, but since we take few vacations (something I’d like to work on) we try to vary our choices. We did just go last year and it is starting to get more and more crowded. Not a bad thing, exactly, but it does make it easier to pass up every other year.
I any case, I was thinking on the way home from the airport that there are likely many aspects to Dragon*Con that Lena and I haven’t fully explored. We’ve watched the movie shorts and done author and actor panels, theme parties and the Klingon bar. But what about the less well known things? Perhaps things I wasn’t even aware of.
This in mind, I went to my computer and started searching. Art auctions… done that… filking circles… been there… furry disco party… um, pass… but then I did find something new. Something I really wasn’t prepared for.
Apparently there is a segment of the Dragon*Con going populace that likes the idea of being prepared ahead of time, who disdains taking their chances in any of the dozen or more bars and clubs dedicated to serving the costumed crowds over the weekend. These are the Craigslist Personals people.
There are not a lot of them. Having read through I’d consider them sort of a social elite. They know what they want and they aren’t afraid to ask for it. Men looking for women, women looking for men, (kind of a minority, but there) men looking for men, men looking for… whatever, it makes me think of going to the grocery store for some particular kind of fruit, and calling ahead so the fruit knows you’re coming and can wave you down as you arrive. (Fruit pun not intended.) There are pictures of penises, people dressed as bears, (for the more literal minded gay man) and fat, geek dudes standing next to hot women, presumably so respondents can rest assured that these guys can be in the same room with a female without raping them.
My three favorites were a woman looking for a geek dude to hang out with. She was very adamant that she wanted a geek, and that he not be looking to “hook up.” I’m thinking that she wasn’t aware of the types of people who look at these ads. (Pervs and blog writers… also pervs.) How many guys are combing personals for a chick not to have sex with? That said, I can only wish her luck. A woman specifically requesting geek company can’t be all bad.
The second was the Strong, Intelligent, African American Man, 220 Lbs. Named Kevin With The Athletic Build, Who Has A Problem With Capitalization. He Is Looking For Any Age Or Race, And While Anything That Happens During The Weekend Is Your Decision, That Doesn’t Include The Full Body Massage He Will Give You Whether You Want It Or Not. He Loves Music, Poetry, And Cooking.
My third favorite was… well I’ll just let her tell you.
I’m a 25 year old Australian female, attending Dragon*Con this year as part of an exchange to the US and for some research for my graduate study. I’m a nerd but still reasonably normal – you know, capable of holding friendly conversations and maintaining normal human interactions. If you are similarly hominid and able to act like it, and you might want to hang out over the weekend, let me know about a good local restaurant, or you’re going to one of the evening functions (masked ball? zombie prom? night at the aquarium?), drop me a line.
But please note that when I say HANG OUT, I mean that I’m looking for some cool people to have some PLATONIC fun with. Just in case you missed that in the title, and the category, of this ad: this is not a desperate plea for Dragon-related hooking up. Those ads are kind of freaky.
Now I know there’s more text here, but I honestly stopped reading at 25 year old Australian chick. The rest was buzzing. But if I had read it, this is what it would have said.
I’m a 25 year old Australian female, attending Dragon*Con to have lots and lots of crazy bush-sex with a geek-blog writer. I’m a nerd but still reasonably normal – you know, capable of a variety of positions in a slave-Leia outfit. If you are similarly myopically fixated on deviant behavior and able to act like it, and you might want to “hang out” over the weekend, let me know about a buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzzzzzzz (masked balls? zombie porn? night in my hotel room?), drop me a line.
But please note that when I say HANG OUT, I mean of my shirt. No, I mean your pants. Whichever is better for you, it’s your fantasy. Just in case you missed it in the title, and the category, of this ad: this is totally a desperate plea for Dragon-related hooking up. Desperation is sexy, and I’m just that kind of freaky.
Or you know, words to that effect.
Now in case this looks like mere abuse of an innocent young lady’s request for a little genuine and anxiety free human contact, well, you’re right. It’s horribly unfair of me. 🙂 (You’re allowed to say anything as long as there’s a smiley face behind it.)
Among the other ads, there are a number of of ads for something called “ball draining service”. Any time you wish, as often as you wish, you can call one of several ball drainers to your hotel room to drain your balls. “No reciprocation necessary!” This is apparently a free service available to all Dragon*Con attendees. Roommates a plus and schedules available.
There’s a lesbian woman who is into Harry Potter, Firefly, DBZ, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Star Wars, Star Trek (specifically Deep Space 9 and TNG), My Little Pony (judge her not for her indiscretions), and Valdemar-universe stuff, who also plays D&D, board games, the pokemon card game, and occasionally the WoW card game, and gives really good oral. (Something I look for in all my D&D players.)
Several bisexual guys looking for couples to couple with, one or two large suite/condos looking for weekend-long partiers, and one fellow looking for a Dragon*Con girl who is really into tattoos and the Georgia Bulldogs. (D&D and football being a natural pairing.)
Like I’ve already said, I’ve always enjoyed going to Dragon*Con, and as well I’ve always suspected that there was a considerable amount of out-of-towner convention sex happening all around me. Seeing it laid out in plain language this way gives the whole affair a kind of dirty, sordid feel I never experienced before.
I’m definitely going next year.