The Tuesday Videos: Your Penis is Evil Edition

Let’s not bury the lead here, penises are evil. They are tools of Satan, and the surest way to determine if a thing is wicked is to check and see if it has a penis on it. Don’t believe me? Well perhaps an expert opinion will change your mind.

Next is something you’ve probably seen before, but it’s just funny, so I’ve included it here. I tried to find a fuller version, that included the actual question she had been asked, but this seemed to be the best I could do.

Confronted by with her gaffe, Palin doubles down on her ignorance, and keeps herself in the spotlight for another news cycle. I like this one because she A) blames the reporter who asked her about her trip for springing such a difficult “gotcha” question on her, and B) also indicates that her answer was simple and correct, therefore there was no gotcha involved. The bit at the end about Wikipedia is just the icing on the stupid-cake. (For the record, the success of Revere’s mission depended on the British not finding out what he was about that night, and he was doing everything he could to evade their notice the whole time. Eventually they did capture him, effectively ending the “Midnight Ride”, but they later released him… on foot.)

Finally, in keeping with the theme, is a video showing that anti-climax can be just as satisfying an ending as anything else. Shorter too.

52 Responses to The Tuesday Videos: Your Penis is Evil Edition

    • Waaa, waaa, they’re talking about firearms in a positive manner while making a joke! 🙁

      Well, at least that’s what I got from your comment.

      • I’l asplain it for the kids in the back row.

        Palin volunteered incorrect information about a cherished national icon that made him look like he was personally supporting her political platform. (Which hey, he might have. We don’t know. Although no eighteenth century American would have voted for a woman.) When called on it, instead of admitting her mistake, she made up more incorrect information to support her initial position, and then blamed the reporter who had asked how her trip was so far. Finally, her supporters attempted to modify the national icon’s Wikipedia page to jibe with the new, incorrect facts.

        But you’re right about it being a joke. Just not what KIND of joke.

        • I’l asplain it for the kidsold folks in the back rownursing-home.

          My reply was all about the 4th video, not the 2nd and 3rd, and what to my understanding was TSED’s take on it.

          • You mean she accidentally got something right?

            I’m surprised that she would attempt to show her detailed academic knowledge of historical biography to undermime popular misconceptions held by the majority of plain-speaking American folk. Strikes me as being a touch elitist, dontcha think?

            As for Mr Wiener, I think the word “democrat” is a bit redundant in that sentence, given the number of politicians of both hues who have strayed into hypocritical sexual scandals… it’s not as though anyone’s keeping score as to which side has accumulated the most…

            • I think you accidentally used the correct word there, Noodle…”Democrat” and “Pervert” are synonymous, so there was, as you say, no need to point out that a politician twittering photos of his schlong was a democrat…

              • “Accidentally got something right?” you mean like the time she “Accidentally” correctly gave the date for the adoption of the Constitution as 1787, and the media went nuts giving the WRONG DATE of 1776 over and over again (For the record, 1776 was the Declaration of Independance, you silly reporters, not the Constitution.)

                Do I detect the acrid odor of Sour Grapes, Noodle? Sarah Palin can’t be “accidentally right” about everything you know.

                • Ah, but you’re not a Pervert by California standards…heck, they’re working on bringing in Same-sex marriages here. I’m referring to “Take pictures of your sex organs and post them online” type perversions…

          • I neither like nor despise Palin, but I do hate it when people mangle history, since I am a quasi-semi-professional historian. Her response was a hybrid of disconnected facts that, when connected in her response, made no sense. Here are two facts: “Cows give milk” and “Cows wear bells.” But you can’t put them together to say “Cows give milk bells” and claim that your answer makes any sense. Her response to the reporter does exactly that. It takes two facts about Paul Revere: “Revere warned the colonists that the regulars (British troops) were coming,” and “Revere was captured by the regulars and, he while their captive, defiantly warned them that the colonists were armed and would not just roll over for them,” into…well, what she said, which made about as much sense as “Cows give milk bells.”

        • I guess the issue is that I’ve never heard of this “midnight ride” before, so I don’t care.

          Actually, no. The issue is that I don’t care. We have our own stupid politicians up here ruining everything; I don’t have the time nor inclination to find out about foreign politicians who won’t have any sort of effect on my country. (Politicians in power do, so politicians in power I occasionally know about. Huh. I just realised I have no idea who’s running the government in China right now. Wikitiems!)

          Stupid cultural boundaries.

  1. Kevin, every time someone repeats a Palin post, god kills a kitten. Think of the kittens!!!!!!!

  2. Wow, four for the price of three!
    But what #1 doesn’t recognize: a nearly bald human head is also a phallic symbol. He is the devil!

  3. Funny how Fox News has to call her “former Alaska governor” in subtitles, as if she is still relevant.

    • I bet that is to prevent people from calling them: “I know that face, but can’t put it somewhere” 👿

        • I don’t think the media likes people who say “you may call me your majesty”… 😈

          • Like Nancy Pelosi when she was speaker of the house, or Barbie-doll Boxer? The media LOVES people like that, especially if they’re democrats.

            And from what I’ve seen, the rest of the media is still calling Palin “Governor” and leaving out the “ex”

            • Since she was not removed from office by impeachment (she resigned), she retains the courtesy title “Governor”. So “the rest of the media” are correct. If the region governed is stated, then the “ex” or “former” needs to be added, as Fox News does.

              • What, you’re governor of someplace for a few years, and afterwards you retain that title for life? That makes no sense. It’s not like nobility. By that logic, politicians could amass a whole crateful of “ex-“titles.

                • Yes. As you point out, politicians can, and in fact do, amass multiple “ex-” titles; the usual English (language not nationality) usage is to only cite the highest.

  4. #1 is obviously made by a self-loathing transgender who hates her own penis and hides behind some god to attack it.
    I love how the penis is a pagan symbol but they, the great Christians who were “bathed in the blood of the lamb”(WTF? Now they’re bathing in Jesus’ blood AND drinking it while eating his flesh?) have nothing pagan about them whatsoever.

    #2&#3 are boring and predictable. Politicians are full of shit, we get it. Sarah Palin doesn’t know every bit of American history, like most of them, we get. I actually learned more about Paul Revere from some porno than from reading about him. You guys have…weird porn.

    #4 is both funny and logical. That’s what happens when you bring a knife(and a tiny one at that) to a gunfight.

    • #1: Hadn’t thought of that. I love it!

      #2 & 3: Palin isn’t really considered a politician by most Americans so much as she is a clown. People are always watching to see what stupid thing she is going to say next. I think that the information she was giving was what she remembered from reading the little placards in the museum she had just been to, run through the filter of her brain and allowing for her not really paying attention.

      #4: Is just funny.

      • A clown who apparently knows more about American History than the Lamestream Media and liberals…

      • Methinks you’re a bit insulated at times, Kevin. Just because you personally don’t know anyone who takes Palin seriously as a politician (and I don’t, either. Actually, scratch that as I do happen to know a Tea Party supporter), doesn’t mean that nobody does. This kind of thinking is exactly how people like Rick Scott get elected to run Florida, or how Tennessee can pass a bill attempting to de-fund Planned Parenthood to prevent abortions.

  5. #1 Blah, blah, blah… buy my book! It’s funny how fruitcakes like that can see penises and satanism EVERYWHERE! Meanwhile he’s probably sleeping with a 12 yr old boy or a male prostitute. I remember way back when they were trying to draw religious paralells with STAR WARS. It was hilarious!
    #2&3 Sarah the berserking clown isn’t even entertaining anymore. It’s just sad and embarassing that anyone still takes her seriously enough to hand her real money and a microphone.
    #4 Hells YEAH! That’s the way you do it!

      • This is why I can’t watch horror movies.

        That, and because I’ve never been properly desensitized enough to watch them without feeling some sort of revulsion.

      • The genre does seem to rely on victims that are idiotic and/or impotent and villains that are lucky, supernaturally powerful or vastly overqualified for what they’re doing aside from lacking a bit of common sense in how to do what they’re trying to do.
        If someone were to take a selection of horror movies that require the wielding of such a figurative idiot-ball and rewrite and re-film them without credulity-destroying foolishness I’d watch it. Might even be legal satire.

  6. LOLZ that last one is my fav. I think all gamers see that situation the same way:D Sarah Palin’s “gotcha” question was something like “So what are you doing today?” You can’t entirely blame the fundies for thinking satanic penises are everywhere when masons keep putting up obelisks that do in fact represent giant penises (washington monument and eiffel tower two of their best, but that’s Denver too). It’s a pity the fundies can’t take a minute to read a book explaining what’s going on but they don’t even read their bible so whatchagonnado…

  7. Um…

    Trying to register a bit how “lack of flight feathers” can be a “powerful phallic symbol”. Maybe it’s because Karl von Linn had a sick mind or something (I’d rather say a very elegant and refined form of humor, something rather difficult with puns, but no sick mind…)? I just had to go and check on the not always reliable Information Superhighway to figure out the real meaning behind it, because that’s not even a coincidence.

    Also; notice how pretentious the guy is? Treating himself like someone important (“Third Eagle of the Apocalypse”? “Co-prophet of the End Times”? Even to a Christian, this is rather pretentious and reeking of pride…wait, didn’t the Devil’s fall was caused because of pride?) really won’t help his message. It’s not even worth trying to make it hilariously funny, not because there are people who believe in the Rapture (instead of, you know, accepting that death is inevitable), but because this is the kind of people that must be really hiding something because they find signs of conspiracy everywhere. It’s like claiming an unicorn (which doesn’t frickin’ exist) is a “powerful phallic symbol” just because it has a horn (and not only that, a “magical horn”) and traditionally accompanies females, when it also has symbols related to purity (like…I dunno, being completely white?).

    If anything, we should be starting to build everything curved so that…wait, that would be considered a symbol of femininity. Umm…square constructions then? Tried with Cubism but we’re over it. Maybe just…wait, can’t use your imagination because that’s dangerous. I know…maybe get over it?