Last year around this time Roberto Cabrera, 38, was getting off the plane in Mexico City, having just flown in from his home in Lima, Peru. Observant security guards asked him to step aside after noticing a suspicious bulge under his shirt. Roberto’s obvious nervousness prompted the guards to investigate further, and they removed his shirt.
Beneath the shirt Roberto was wearing a curious girdle with eighteen small cloth sacks depending from it… most of them moving. After relieving Roberto of his contraband underwear, the security guards discovered that the Peruvian man had been wearing eighteen titi (not tittie) monkeys during his flight in to Mexico, where he would likely have sold them to illegal wildlife traders for approximately $1,000.00, each. (According to Robert, he paid $30 apiece for them in Peru.)
Once the guards had removed Robert’s titis, (not titties) they discovered that two of them had died on the vine, as it were, which only added to poor Robert’s trouble. Titis are endangered under international law, which made our entrepreneurial hero a “Trafficker of Endangered Species”. While the actual sentence was unreported, one must assume that any time spent in a Mexican prison would be enough to make you rethink your choices.
Gypsy Lawson, 28, and her mother, 57-year-old Fran Ogren on the other hand, both caught 60 days in jail, 3 years probation, and just north of $4,000.00 in fines each for smuggling baby Apoo, a rhesus (not tittie) monkey, out of Thailand and into Northport, Washington. Gypsy had met a man named Boris online who had agreed to provide the young primate. Monkey in hand, Gypsy and Fran spent some time in their hotel room experimenting with types and dosages of sleeping pills to keep an infant monkey asleep for an entire trans-pacific flight. Once that had been sorted, Gypsy put ‘Lil Apoo in a fanny pack and placed him over her stomach, acting as though she were pregnant.
The evil geniuses succeeded in their dastardly plan, and escaped into the suburban wilderness of Northport. A month later, Gypsy and Apoo were out shopping at the Fashion Bug in Spokane, when the store clerk, merely making conversation, asked about Apoo and where he had come from. Like all great villains, Gypsy couldn’t resist an opportunity to monologue about her caper, and laid the crime out at the clerk’s feet. As soon as Gypsy and Apoo left, the clerk called the fuzz, and the jig, as they say, was up. Gypsy’s live-in boyfriend copped a plea and turned her over like a flapjack, rather than face conspiracy charges himself.
While it is not reported whether or not Gypsy Lawson and Roberto Cabrera are romantically linked, this blogger would like to think those two crazy kids might just have a chance. If they get a dog.