Last month the legislature of Florida succeeded in it’s third go at passing a law against bestiality. Now an outside observer may wonder why it took three tries to do this… I personally am kind of curious as to what the election math is on voting it down… but no matter. The deed is done. Come October 1st of this year, it will no longer be legal for Floridians to have sex with any kind of animal.
That’s right, the law that the legislature passed makes it a crime to have sex with any animal. Congresspersons, not being biologists, seem to have forgotten that human beings are, in point of fact, animals. (Definitionally, any “group of multicellular, eukaryotic organisms of the kingdom Animalia”.) Yes, you read that correctly. Florida has actually outlawed sex.
Lawmakers claim that their intent was to differentiate between persons and non-persons, and to outlaw sex acts including both column A and B. To me this sounds more like an attempt to outlaw vibrators and fleshlights, but not being a politician myself, I have a harder time understanding Stupid. But I’ll let you judge for yourself.
An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices; providing an effective date.
The husbandry clause is amusing, since it effectively means that jacking an animal off isn’t considered sexual. (Guess there is a difference between what the “person” and the “nonperson” consider to be sexual.) I have always kind of felt like any creature incapable of reproducing on its own probably shouldn’t be, but I’m sure there are dozens of man-made bacteria strains of far greater medical significance and importance to humanity than bulldogs, thereby proving me wrong.
I suppose that it’s too much to ask for that lawmakers actually be required to know what the hell they’re talking about before they pass laws on the subject. This particular law is more likely to solve the energy crisis than it is to stop a single sex act, and that includes buggering sheep. After all, the law against any sexual position other than missionary has been on the books here for my entire life, and I’ve never known it to serve as anything other than a punchline. On this occasion, the Florida legislature serves as simple comedy, but the issue is endemic to all politicians, more or less everywhere.
They’re all having sex with animals.