The Thursday Blog: No Charges Edition

It was a good neighborhood, if a little remote. Crime was pretty much of the “forgetting” to bring back a tool variety… certainly nothing serious.

Like auto theft.

Benjamin Story didn’t lock the doors of his car. He’d never needed to, and, at the ripe old age of seventeen, he hadn’t yet seen enough of the world to think that someone might come slinking out of the woods near his house, hop in his car in the middle of the night, slip it into neutral, and ride silently down the drive and over the hill, enjoying the sandwich young Ben had left there all the way.

The thief however, was in no state to drive, and shortly after leaving the Story house ran the four-door Toyota off the road and into some trees. Stunned and panicked, the thief was unable to open the doors of the car, and after a bit of terrified freaking out, (causing considerable damage to the car’s interior) he finally discovered the horn, and began honking it repeatedly.

A Sheriff’s Deputy, responding to all the honking and expecting to find a couple of kids, approached the derailed Toyota soon afterwards. When he shined his flashlight in the window, the thief turned to look at him (click here to see what the deputy saw) and the officer turned and ran as though his life depended on it. After some rather alarmed calls for back-up, a number of deputies, hands on guns, tied a rope to the car’s door handle and pulled it open from as far away as they could get. After allowing the automobile thief to escape, Benjamin was summoned to retrieve his car.

Adding further insult, the thief had been unable to hold his bowels while trapped in the car, and after eating Ben’s sandwich, defecated in the shredded interior. “It was pretty rank.” said Ben.

The thief was described by the deputies as “a pretty big bear”, and “freaked out”. People sighting the thief are advised not to approach, as he is likely armed and possibly dangerous.

51 Responses to The Thursday Blog: No Charges Edition

      • Or just a female bear, right? *Gets slapped*

        OK, so I myself can’t drive, so what?

        In other news, I’m planning on sharing some personal stuff here today after I get back from work, in about 10 or so hours. I’ve waited till today so it won’t clash with a comic, and luckily today’s blog is lighthearted(even if the subject itself seems rather heavy) and isn’t something to spark a huge debate war.

          • What, the change of avatar and mentions of a certain blog? Yes, it’s a precursor.

            Oh well, since it seems I’ve got a bit more free time before work than I expected, I’ll just start now.

            Err, I’ll just make a new comment instead of editing this one because I’m pretty sure I’ll end up timing out on the edit session.

  1. *Clears throat*

    It would have been a good pun to do this last Thursday, what with the rapture subject and all, but anyway, here’s Orald’s Second Coming(Out)*:

    For a few years now I’ve grown to consciously realize and admit to myself that I want to be a woman.
    I don’t know that I feel like a “woman trapped in a man’s body”, as I’ve seen it put, all I know is that I want to look like a woman and would have preferred to have been born one. I’ve never been a masculine male anyway, and ever since I’ve discovered and acknowledged I was attracted to men(though looking back I can see “warning signs” in my childhood) I guess I just stopped pretending to myself. Watching many of ZJ’s videos on YouTube lately I’ve grown more resolute and decided it was time to stop the charade, especially the one I’ve been putting on to myself.
    I’ve been growing out my hair for about a year now because of this, and while I’ve made all kinds of excuses to myself about the purpose of it(even trying to grow a beard both out of laziness and trying to look more masculine…I can’t grow a beard worth a damn) there’s no point to pretend anymore.
    I’ve recently told my older sister(the only family member who knows about my orientation, but then she’s the only family I talk to) about it, and also my few friends.
    I’m not “flamboyant”, I’m quite “straight acting”, whatever that means, and if I were a woman I’d be halfway to “tomboy” territory, I guess. I think it’s more of a “no-nonsense” and direct attitude on my part, as well as disregard for flashy things. I prefer cloths that are comfortable to wear and “quiet”, meaning no bright colors or writings and symbols(I’d make a terrible drag-queen fashion-wise).
    I’m not really the type to wear make-up, jewels and other such “feminine” accessories(I don’t care much for those on “real” women anyway), I don’t plan on wearing dresses or the likes, at least not for now, but who knows what the future holds. If we go by my sister’s standards, I’m a walking fashion disaster, so all those things aren’t on the top of my list.
    I don’t think I’ll get a sex-change or hormone treatment(but then again I’ve had elevated levels of female hormones half a year ago for some reason, they’re back to normal now), at least not in the foreseeable future. With the way I look and daily shaving, who’s to notice anyway? I’ve already been mistaken for a woman quite a few times lately, something I’ve stopped feeling insult for and now find amusing and flattering.
    So I guess that’s it, I believe I’ve now told this to my entire “vast” circle of friends.

    *Oh, come on, I’ve been waiting for days to make that pun!

    • You may want to repost this on today’s comments, since the spam filter has probably kept most people from seeing it.

      So, do you feel any more at peace since you’ve made the decision?

        • Well we can all go and watch Aerosmith’s “Dude looks like a lady” to cheer you on…Hey, only time I ever tried to grow a beard it came out bright BRIGHT red (my hair is dirty dishwater blond) – I looked like I was wearing a fake Leprechaun beard, particularly since I didn’t let my mustache grow out (Hair in my food is where I draw the line)

        • Hey Orald. Great job on the coming out. That takes alot of guts. I’ll share with you guys a little secret about myself.
          I’m the same way. Only I’ve been living as a girl for about a year and I plan to go the whole way. It may be hard at first, but it gets better.
          You can talk to me if you want to. I am sure there is some way to privately message or something.

  2. “likely armed and possibly dangerous.” – surely not, he will attack you with his bare hands…

    • I do wonder what triggered that. You’d think he’d be scared of the horn. I guess he maybe thought the horn meant he was killing the car. Like a dog with a squeaky toy.

  3. Wait, how did the bear open the door? Even if it wasn’t locked, it should have been closed, right? Have bears figured out door handles? Then we’re in trouble, folks. 😯

    I hope the family had car insurance. 😕

  4. OK, I won’t wait till Kevin gets off his fat ass, I’ll just make a new post. I’m tired from work so I’ll try to be short.

    I want to be a woman. I’ve wanted it for a few years now but until perhaps 2 years ago I didn’t acknowledge it and shoved it aside. I don’t think I feel like a “woman trapped in a man’s body”, as I’ve heard it told, I just know I would have preferred to have been born a woman, and that I want to look like a woman.
    I can’t see myself doing a sex-change or hormone treatments in the near future(even if I had the money), I guess I’m still gradually drifting towards femininity, learning it on the way. I’m also not really into make-up and jewelry, or dresses. I still prefer comfortable, simple, practical cloths in dark colors. No flamboyant stuff for me.
    I’ve been growing out my hair for a year now and I plan to grow it at least until it’s hip-length.
    I’ve been mistaken for a girl quite a few times now, especially in the last month, something I now find flattering and encouraging, as well as amusing, as opposed to annoying like I used to.
    My older sister, who already knows about my orientation, now knows about this as well, and I’ve been telling my few friends about this, and now it’s your turn to hear.
    I would like to again thank ZJ for giving me the resolution to confront myself about it and stop hiding from the truth. ZJ is awesome and everyone should check out his Youtube posts if they’re interested in atheism and GLBT rights.

    And no, don’t call me Loretta. Yet.

      • I said, don’t call me Loretta. Besides, with the fate of my original post I thought one link was enough, I don’t wanna tempt the spam-filter again.

        • well you look more like a sylvia anyway…or maybe a Velma (Ducks and runs like hell)

          Well, she wears glasses….

        • Well, unless you tell us your chosen name, you’re stuck with the standard…
          But there are some androgynous alternatives; (at least in germany) “Kai” must be defined by a second name, and “Maria” is usually female, but appropriate as a second name for males. Or “Andrea”: sound female, but think of Andrea Doria for example.

    • Thank you for choosing to share with us. 🙂
      I hope your new path finds you happier than your previous path.
      You have my axe in support. ;-D

      • Heh heh, Your axe. That’s funny.

        And hey! If I had been being LAZY your other post would have been approve MUCH sooner! Posting here is what I do when I’m AVOIDING work. I didn’t see it because I was actually working! 😛

    • Good luck with your journey.

      Here’s something you know but will find hard.

      Gender is only one small part of you. Sure it occupies a lot of your thoughts and how you think and see the world, and most other people who have never thought about their gender or that it could be anything else will not be able to understand what (or even why) you think this way. To them it’s like asking why they have legs, it just is so much a part of them.

      But for you it’s really a small piece of a much larger you.

      It’s a hard road, and frequently lonely, but just be yourself. Look after yourself. Keep those around you who nourish you and whom you are valuable to. Write off the rest. Don’t feel like you need to fit into anyone elses boxes because they will certainly try to push you into one and be upset when you don’t fit comfortably into their world. that is their problem, with their small world, not yours. But you don’t need to beat on them for it either.
      Keep safe, you wouldn’t deliberately walk into a highway with you eyes closed (because pedestrians have the right of way) so there are some things you have to be careful about. But like the highway, most are common sense.

      Finally, try to learn to smile. and be excited about what you could do given the chance.
      Good luck.

  5. Some people parked outside my house and left their dog in the car.
    The car had automatic transmission and had been left in “park” but with the handbrake off.
    A couple of muffins had been left in the utility tray in front of the gear lever.

    30mins later Hungry bored dog goes for the muffins, knocks gear lever out of “park”, car rolls down hill into mine.
    It looked weird because no-one could see the dog. Car just sits on hill, then 30 mins later, off it goes.

    Fortunately my car was only 10 meters down the hill, otherwise it was about 200 meters of steep road with no other cars between the road way and the houses, and it was a weekend (so many people were at home).