The Thursday Blog: Buffy Did It Again Edition

Buffy the Vampire Slayer averted a variety of apocalypses during her seven year run on TV. She battled godlings, vampire overlords, even the source of all evil itself. While it’s tempting to credit our continued lack of being apocalypted to Buffy’s influence, (as well as Angel, the vampire with a soul, and possibly even Supernatural’s Winchester brothers) the best answer is almost always the simplest, and there is a much simpler answer to be found here.

It is clear that Harold Camping was correct in his divination of the unknowable date of Judgement Day. Any fool with eyes can see that. So where are our earthquakes, walking dead, and people flying up into the sky without helicopters or even giant slingshots? Well, unless the writers of the book of Revelations were actually looking forward in time and seeing someone’s television, god simply changed his mind and decided humanity wasn’t worth the trouble of exterminating.

Think about it. We don’t know what god’s purpose was in making us, but we do know from the bible that we haven’t really made it all that easy on him. In fact, god has revealed himself as mightily pissed off at the juvenile antics of his creations on more than one occasion. Eternal sin and booting the seminal couple out of paradise, the tower of Babel, the flood, offing his kid, time after time we have taken god’s best efforts and tossed ’em right back in the big guy’s eye. But really, why should he put up with it?

From the amount of pique god reveals in his book, you gotta ask yourself, “If that was me, wouldn’t I just start over again someplace else? Make a new planet of people who aren’t such assholes?” It’d be easy for god. Probably take him a lot less than six days the second run-through too. And we’d have no idea until now, the appointed hour of god’s return and laundry pick-up.

So, given that god has now abandoned you, I’d like to suggest that now is the perfect time to abandon him back. Don’t be one of the thousands of whiners that are actually upset that they didn’t fly away to heaven and leave their family and friends to a horrible and gruesome fate, instead become a Buddhist or a Krishna, or even an HOLEie and leave that god-loser behind. Followers of the House of Liturgical Equanimity are encouraged to find their own potential and explore it to it’s fullest, achieving their own personal apocalypses rather than depending on some “god” to destroy everything for them.

Buffy may stop a few of us, but there’s no way she can get us all.

24 Responses to The Thursday Blog: Buffy Did It Again Edition

  1. Of course it happened. I turned down my personal invite because I’m still pixxed that Jesus didn’t save Mr Schoedingers cat, and figured anyone who would leave all their friends and loved ones to nastiness wasn’t worth having post-Ascension parties with. And anyway, someone has to stay behind to explain Gods’ “System of Evolution” to the Creationists.

    Earthquakes? Yep lots around atm.
    Rivers of blood? Well most of the environmentalists are pretty on top of that stuff lately.
    Insect plagues? Well its winter here so not so much insect activity, and Africa always gott’m
    As for zombies? Seems to be a lot around here (physical neighbourhood).

    So just because Rev Wossit and followers didn’t get an invite and didn’t know anyone who did, doesn’t mean it -didn’t- happen! Perhaps they should pick better reading material.

  2. heh, how does one join?

    Not sure I want to be a full member, can I be an associate member? Maybe make a sub-org of Association of Societies Supporting the House Of Liturgical Equanimity? I would love to be a member of that probably 😀

  3. I enjoyed Camping’s explanation – the final judgment did occur Saturday as predicted, but the results won’t be posted for five months.

    I guess it takes time for God to process something this big. It’s not like He’s omniscient after-all. Oh wait He is…

  4. Could you stretch your A.S.S. H.O.L.E. to include those who can prove god does not exist, thuse effecting an apocalypse of a sort on themselves(or at least guaranteeing them a gruesome place in the current one), achieving their potential(at least partly), or is it a different sect altogether within the house?

      • Why, thanks, but I wouldn’t get near your HOLE even if it was glazed with honey!
        Which I bet it is…you’re a sick, perverted man. 😀

    • The babel fish is the final and clenching proof of the non-existence of god.
      I am a few days late for the May 25th Towel Day.

  5. Kevin, if I may? You’re fighting a losing battle.

    Because people that want to believe in God will stretch their beliefs to any length in order to safeguard that belief. Even if this includes the definition of God itself.

    For example, the definition of a perfect, omniscient, omnipotent, loving God is incompatible with a god that, after creating flawed humans (so some will necessarily “fail”), asks them do behave in certain ways, punishing those who don’t. So, believers either avoid thinking about this, or drop the judgment part altogether. Or say this is because of satan (despite him being both created by and weaker than god). Or else.

    Believe me, I’ve tried, with reasonable enough people, to no avail of course.

  6. Apocalypse means “great unveiling”. The removal of this veil causes all the other shit to happen. The thing about veils, tho, is someone puts them on. So ask yourself: what am I being lied to about that would destroy the world if I knew it?