The Tuesday Videos: Which of These Things Doesn’t Belong Edition

Okay, because I was fucking with you guys last time, I’ll start you out with some righteous badassery this week. Meet the real Captain America.

Next up is probably the best fake show ever. I am stressing to you that it isn’t real, because I don’t want to be accused of yanking any carpets out from underneath anyone. So just enjoy the fake trailer for the fake show, and don’t worry about what you’re “missing out” on.

Because you’re not.

Because it’s fake.

Whew! That was all too much coolness. I better slow things down with a treatment a movie that never got made. (I’ll let you see if you can figure out why.) Folks, it’s time for the original Silver Surfer.

33 Responses to The Tuesday Videos: Which of These Things Doesn’t Belong Edition

  1. 1: Did I hear the scientist correctly? Did he say “Stark”? I didn’t think that the Stark name was involved with the superhuman project (I know thats not the name but I don’t remember it and I’m not bothering to look it up). mmmmmmmmmm Hunky 1940s beefcake.

    Edit: I was too distracted by the hunky 1940s beefcake to bother watching the others.

      • I didn’t think its from the original canon either. But if this movie is supposed to mesh with the other Avenger members as canon, then Anthony Stark wasn’t concieved until his daddy was well into his 60s, assuming hes is in his early 20s here. Anthony Stark in the new Iron Man movies is clearly in modern time in his mid-20s. Which means concieved in the ’80s. Doing some quick math, if Stark Senior (don’t know his first name) was 21 in the Cap movie then he would of been 57 at the youngest when he concieved Anthony in 1980. Anybody know the canon date for Anthony’s and his father’s birthday?

          • Just looked up Stark Industries on the Marvel Wiki. It was started by Isaac Stark, Anthony’s grandfather, in the mid-19th century. Then passed on to Howard Stark, Anthony’s daddy. It is still possible that both senior Starks are alive and well during WWII and that is Howard there. I doubt it is Isaac, he looks too young. But then again, this is based on the original canon printed in the ’60s, which wouldn’t stretch the the boundries of the human reproductive system and life cycle.

              • I’d say Tony is about 35-40, which is normal for male Hollywood actors who generally seem to portray a character 5-10 years younger than themselves. Unless they’re playing a teen, in which case they’re usually well into their 30’s.

                I’ve gotta ask, Pulsa, how did you come up with mid-20’s? The actor is in his mid-40’s and even with their usual bag of tricks he only gets 10 years shaved off.

                • Bachelor, playboy, rebellious, etc. All charateristic of a young man who grew up with everything handed to him, except his own intelligence/brilliance. He hasn’t grown up from his goofing off teen years as the spoiled rich kid is usually like. Putting him in his 30s and especially in his 40s stretches my suspension of disbelief that he STILL has that rebellious streak.

                    • Or fifties, or sixties, or seventies… or, Flying Spaghetti Monster sauce my eyes and ears so I never have to see and hear him again in his eighties.

                    • Anybody can be an alcoholic and/or asshole. But having an older dude with an extremly childish attitude is just absurd and a little stupid. Of course this is my own opinion.

                    • @Pulsa – You’re saying that yet you are familiar with the creator of this here medieval fantasy comic. I suggest you reconsider your opinion. 😉

                    • @Orald – Lets not forget that, while the in-game characters are or maybe older, the players who play them are generally considered to be in their 20s.

  2. 1: Seems like it’ll be a generic superhero film- nice special effects, cliched story and manageable acting. But then the trailer is at fault, unless it’s not a true representation of the film and some better aspect escapes it then that trailer should be the poser-boy for “generic superhero trailers”. I’m not saying it’s gonna be bad, just generic. That means good for a couple of hours, but I”ll probably forget about it a second later(well, OK, maybe not the beefcake recruitment office* 😉 ).
    Although…I see Joss Whedon is on the credit list. A good sign?
    Also, you can’t beat Reb Brown’s versions because I can’t think about them without picturing Spoony mocking the shit out of them. 😛

    *This scene was annoying and funny both at once, and for the same reason. Unless the “skinny Steve” actor was really short the other recruits were all really big. I realize it was done to make him look much smaller but I know there’s this image in films and games of army personnel(specifically combatants) being Ahhhhnold-sized, when in reality there’s nothing at all wrong about him. If they wanted to get some more muscles on him(that’s another point, you really don’t need body-builder types in your army, there’s a difference between those and normally muscled humans), well, that’s what boot-camp and PT are for. The only excuse to making so huge-beefcake soldiers is if they’re altered super-soldiers(WH40K/Starcraft come to mind as serious abusers of steroids…assuming Starcraft also stole the “enhanced” aspect of the spacemarines and it’s not supposed to be natural).

    2. Not a Harry Potter fan, so I don’t care. I am, however, a Hermione fan, very much so. 😉

    3. Kid: OMG the T1000 has come to kill me, mommy!!!
    And it’s NOT a doll, it’s an ACTION figure! 8)

    • The main reason he would have been rejected is his age, not his size. A lot of under-18s joined the army in WW II by simply lying about their age. However, he was small enough that no one believed he was old enough.

      • So the issue is about age? While I can see him playing a teen(a “s0-close-to-18-my-birthday-is-next-month” teen), probably because they require you to be close to 30 to portray one, I thought the trailer empathized his slight build and short stature(compared to hulking bodybuilders?), which is why he’s saying he’s taller after the treatment.

        • Personally, I think they are just playing up the mind set of the times. During the 1940’s our soldiers were “percieved” as being the biggest, brawniest, beefcakeiest symbols of human perfection when, of course, the reality of the situation is far different. Today, everybody knows that even a scrawny little wimp can pull a trigger. I mean… look at GIJoes… Even thier nerdiest communications officer has more muscle than the average adult. So yes, in the mind set of 1940’s Americans, scrawny Steve Rodgers would have been denied service “for his own good” when the reality of history would be that he would be accepted, beefed up enough to carry his backpack, then tossed into the meat grinder with the rest of them with the hopes he might kill enough enemy troops before dieing to warrant the cost of his training.

          • I hope you mean this “perceived” brawn being only in propaganda posters and films. Of course they’d show the public the most attractive/manly soldiers they’ve got(posed in heroic and glorifying postures), just like everybody else. What annoys me is that this trailer shows this to be the truth and not just propaganda.
            And it’s not like he’s asking to join some elite team(not everyone’s a paratrooper/marine), there are tons and tons of jobs, most of them non-combatant, even if he already seems perfectly capable in his original form. Supply trains and workshops need soldiers too.
            Besides, with the great need for soldiers the army would have lowered its standards anyway.

            • Orald – That is exactly what I mean. This is a movie about a comic book, not a documentary. If you want realism, watch “Saving Private Ryan”. I doubt that comics would sell nearly as well if they were written about the real world. Even if they are more sublte about it than your average anime/manga, comics are loaded with melodrama to keep readers interested. So in the case of the Captain America movie, it looks like they took the mind set of the 1940’s and filmed it with a more modern physical representation so the younger generation would hopefully understand. Afterall, that level of muscle is not the norm in our modern military. I have a brother-in-law in the Marines, a brother in the Navy, a best friend in the Army, and my father was in the Air Force. I have been exposed to our real modern soldiers and most of them are just a smidgen above average, physically speaking… not the bulging, brawny fitness freaks shown in the trailer. Yet, even in most of today’s propaganda media, they showcase the relatively few soldiers who are just that buffed. So, take a step backwards from reality and enjoy the movie for what it is, a seriously patriotic retelling of a melodramatic story about the wimpy nerd who rises up to become the ultimate hero. *salute*

  3. One of these is not the same? hmm…

    Well the first two actually have a villian-esque goal. While the Silver Surfer self promotes his action figure line (saving the world from Barbie?).

    Or

    Harry Potter flick has “potential hero” while the CP and SF both have tiny wusy momma boys being picked on by the man and require third party interaction to save the day.

    I could go on…

  4. So, what is it with Captain America being ‘cool’?

    Maybe it’s just the Canadian resentment in me, but I really never took him seriously. He’s a dude who wears one of the ugliest costumes in the biz, has a goofy shield, and used to punch nazis for a while. Woohoo? Do other non-Americans take him seriously at all? Do Americans?

    • Oh don’t mind TSED, he’s a dirty communist canuck and wouldn’t appreciate good old fashioned patriotism.

      Yeah, he looks ludicrous, but so do most superheroes(I bet that’s why they didn’t pick the gaudier costumes the X-Men had over the years. Can you imagine Wolverine in his yellow suit with the black “eye-spikes”? 😆 ). I suppose the whole thing is supposed to be propaganda anyway, given that it’s the 40’s and he’s fighting Nazis.

    • In the comics Cap is cool for a lot of the same reasons Batman is cool. The super-soldier serum made him the best human it’s possible to be, but he’s still just human. But he hangs with the biggest. baddest heavyweights in the entire Marvel cosmos and more than pulls his weight. In fact, he is a natural leader and everyone just sort of… defers to him, because they know he is the best person among them. Yes, his costume looks like Martha Washington threw up on him, but he’s not really out of place that way.

    • I take Captain America just as seriously as Canadians take Guardian. (joking, of course! who could take a guy seriously when he’s dressed up as the Canadian flag, eh? 😉 )

  5. I’m so glad all of these are jokes or canceled projects, they look like the sort of terrible shit too many nerds with low expectations obsess over despite the glaring flaws and audience-insult inherent in the… work.

  6. I think the idea of “Aurors” is a really good one. I know that in the books, Rowling hinted at a lot more going on in the world than just Hogwarts and England. Lord Voldmort may have been the “most powerful” dark wizard- but was certainly not the only one! I think a lot could be done with this and be quite popular if done right, if they could just get it worked out with the author and a studio. It may be fake, but they’re on the right track.

      • I am not the baby Jeebus, nobody on the internet cares if their bad taste makes me cry… I am not the baby Jeebus, nobody on the internet cares if their bad taste makes me cry….