The Tuesday Videos: The Fabulous Eighties Edition

Remember back when white people still didn’t understand what rap was? They tried, bless ’em, to do it, but it wasn’t until the Beastie Boys (shudder) that white people learned that rapping was about more than speaking words that rhymed together.

Of course, you could make the argument that the rap isn’t really the point of this next video…

Our next foray takes two separate entries that individually make little sense except as parts of a greater contextual whole, and combines them into something that looks like it ought to make sense… but doesn’t anyway. (Although it is kind of funny to me that if I assume that this is itself just a piece of some larger story, I discover that I really want to see the rest of it, even though I assume it’s probably only about Andy Gibb getting laid a lot.)

The original Spiderman cartoon show began on September 9, 1967 (the day my mother first drove to the hospital with false labor pains — I was born three days later) and ran until June 14, 1970. As such it hardly belongs in an 80s retrospective.

However, Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville patented the first electromechanical vibrator in 1880, making our final video a shoe-in. (Though they did make ’em bigger in those days.)

39 Responses to The Tuesday Videos: The Fabulous Eighties Edition

  1. You Know what she’s working on those particular muscles for…let’s just say the Spider Man video might not be as unrelated as it might first appear, eh?

    • Does anyone even watch those exercise shows not to get horny/off? There’s a reason why there are both males and females in those shows, so it’ll cater to everyone’s tastes.
      Besides, that’s a poor excuse for an exercise she’s having there if I ever seen one. Unless it’s “practicing for the bedroom”.

    • Interesting how well they go together.

      Or just proof that most pop songs use the same rhythm and base melody?

      • I’m pretty sure anyone who’s into music and mathematics can prove that one pretty easily. Some rhythms just appeal to humans, it would seem, and there are only so many ways you could arrange music so it doesn’t sound bad(oh, you know what I mean).
        After all, how do we define certain musical styles if not by the different songs sounding similar to each other?

        If you’re looking for some unoriginality to laugh at then think of this- what’s the most common subject of every song ever done, in any kind of musical style? “Love”. Procreation. Sex.
        I think that part of the reason I enjoy Rammstein songs, apart from their general style and German being enjoyable on its own merit to my ears, is that I don’t in fact speak German, so I don’t have to truly understand their songs.
        Most do seem to be about “love”, as I’ve suspected, from what I’ve read on a Rammstein songs translation fansite.
        It amuses me to think of all those people listening to heavy-metal etc and think it’s so “tough” when all they ever sing about is “girly-stuff”.

        Oh, and frankly, even though I like classical music, it all sounds just about the same as well, and you know it.

        • Haha, spoken like someone who doesn’t know anything about extreme metal. (Yes, this is me wearing my metal elitist hat.)

          Love songs exist, to be sure, but they are by far an exception. And most of them are instrumental. And the few that aren’t tend to be by terrible bands anyway.

          Find me a love song by Burzum, or Anata, or Cryptopsy (no, kidnapping a girl so that you can rip her apart (literally) in your basement doesn’t count, because chances are the song’s actually about resisting urges or screwing with the popular point of view or etc.), or etc. etc. etc. Those are all really big names in their respective subgenres so it shouldn’t be too hard, right?

          On the topic of songs going well together: well, yeah. If they’re in the same key and time signature, it’s quite literally just a matter of overlaying the pieces so they don’t conflict (only need one drumline, for example). The framework is there. Most pop songs are done in… E major, I believe? It’s E or C. I never remember. And, naturally, in 4/4 time.

          Still, ‘disco’ and ‘prog rock’ are not ‘pop.’

          Someday I’ll get around to doing that mash up of Night At The Roxbury and Moldova’s 2010 Eurovision entry. I like those songs.

          • First I’ll have to search to see who these Burzum, Anata, and Cryptopsy are…Bands and singers were never my thing. At best if I hear something I really like I’ll bother and check who made it so I can find more. But I really don’t listen much to music.

            As for your given example, it seems like kidnapping and violently murdering(“rip her apart”) a girl in your basement is all about sex. Sure, it’s about resisting urges, but those are sexual urges. Any psychologist would tell you that this kind of murder is most probably driven by sexual desires and is a crime of passion. It’s a literally classic example of repressed sexual emotions- guy kidnaps girl, usually sexually assaults her and then kills her.
            Face it, people are almost always talking, thinking, writing, filming, singing and otherwise creating things about sex and its derivatives(love, sex, murder) because it’s one of the strongest drives for any organism. That’s not to say it’s a bad thing, but pretending otherwise won’t help. People are just addicted to sex(and it’s a good thing too, if you care for the human race to continue).

            • BTW, on a hunch I’m guessing Burzum took their name from Tolkien’s works.
              ETA: Ah yes, just as I suspected, another “original” theft loan from Tolkien.

            • Actually, since the song I was referring to there was “Phobophile” (by Cryptopsy) and it’s complaining about things like “My teeth and semen betrayed me” and doesn’t make actual overt references to the deeds… well, yeah.

              The only overt references to it are right at the start*, with:
              “In the kitchen
              With a screaming triple amputee…
              Its completion depends solely
              On my needs…
              Said amputee’s stumps
              Are my way of saying… “Thank you
              Just for being you.”
              Its fear tastes better than its limbs.”

              *One exception to this, when the lyrics state:
              “My fulfilment is habitually necromanic
              And anal abusive…”

              And I would argue that being completely self-obsessed is nowhere near a “love song.” Is a song about jerking off a “love song”? If so, why? If you read analyze the entirety of the lyrics, it’s actually a song about a sociopath just having a (socially unacceptable) good time.

              I’ll admit I only have ever listened to one Cryptopsy album (None So Vile), so I guess there could be lovesongs elsewhere (especially with their new vocalist that apparently made them “sell out”), but… I doubt it?

              And about Burzum’s name, yeah, I could’ve told you that. The guy (it’s a one-man project) is pretty open about ripping it from the inscription of the Ring. It’s the “darkness” in the “one ring to rule them all…” bit. His earlier songs are obviously D&D inspired, though he moves away from it when his white supremicist leanings show up…

              • I said “love” songs and included the rest. Perhaps I should’ve said “sex songs and its derivatives” since love is a derivative of sex, not vice-versa.
                You can say the same about rap songs, most of them(that aren’t about killin’&lootin’) are about sex and lust, with the more “tender” love not expressed so much.
                While I started out talking about “love” in songs I did end up talking about the baser aspect of it, sex, which if you want to simplify some classic love song about yearning and loving one’s sweetheart etc, is about “sex”.
                Not all songs are about sex, if that’s what you understood my stand to be. But most are about/heavily composed of sex etc. Rammstein’s Donaukinder, for example, is about environmentalism, of all things. Pussy, on the other hand, is about…well, you get the picture(Though if I got it right its overall theme is about restrictions on sex-related activities in Germany. Does this make sense? That’s what I understand from “Can’t get laid in Germany”. Was there some law made I wasn’t aware of? But still under all this it’s a song about sex).

  2. Have to LOVE the old spider man cartoons, complete with re-run scenes and swinging spider silk that is attached too… heaven’s gates?

    Baffles the mind.

    • Once saw a cartoon strip entitled “Why you never see Spider-Man in Arizona”

      Spidey is standing there shooting web up in the air, and it falls back down…in the next panel he’s running along through the desert thinking ‘Dammit!’

      • That’s funny, though in the comic book Spidey runs into that problem kind of regularly. (Or at least he used to.) If Kraven the Hunter is holed up at the abandoned zoo in upstate, Spiderman takes the bus.

  3. 1st Vid- Whew, what a workout. Glutes are ok, but my arm feels a lot stronger now (JOKE lol)
    2nd Vid- Nice mash! Very suprising how well those sync up, pretty catchy. Had to go check out some others- the metallica/Bollywood mixes are excellent too.
    3rd Vid- I can hear hundreds of children going into epileptic spasms watching this! I think the creators were tripping when they did the background effects. Now I get where the Minority League got thier animation style.

    • … It’s Maiden / Bollywood. And I thought that was the worst one.

      The Final Teen Spirit was pretty impressive, though.

  4. Oh man that video beats the crap out of The Wizard of Oz thing! And you’re right, it almost seems like it means something. Maybe if the Bee Gees are Nordic aliens feelin’ glad they’re not human. Also I didn’t know they had teeth whitener back then…