71 Responses to 723 – White Smoke Mountain• 90

  1. “… without too many of us getting hurt.” ???

    Great sales pitch, Bunker. You’re such a great leader. Let me guess, it was Martin’s plan, right? The guy who stands way in the back and shoots eldritch bolts at things?

    Uh, remind me, Morty is still/again a troll (with regeneration powers), right? Just checking.

    Wait, why do they even have to fight the crab? It was behind shut doors… alright those doors are no longer in any condition to shut, but I doubt the monster crab can fit through them, it’s larger than an elephant… and its lair is a dead end room with no other exits as far as I could see, so why even go in there? 😐

    Right, I forgot. For the XP and the potential treasure. 🙄

  2. Oh dude those are the best ideas (the ones that start with Dude I’ve Got A Great Idea right before you get eaten). They usually don’t work, and if they do they piss of the DM in a bad “stupid technicality” kind of way, but that’s seriously the very best moment in roleplaying. Especially cause it’s usually a really bad idea ҉

  3. Naaaaaaw!

    No, Kev, you certainly won’t do that joke that I think of, right?

    Wha, Morty’s battle cry will be “RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDGE RAAAAAAACER!!!”? Or rather, “RIIIIIIIIIIDGE RAAAAZOOOOOORRR!!!!!!!!”?

    …’cuz that crustacean’s waiting to be flipped, and in the literal sense 😛

  4. Reply to orald, because I tried to reply to him in the Wednesday’s thread, but my comment didn’t go through for some reason…

    Orald asked: “btw, Christina, what is your specific field of work?”

    I studied ecology, zoology and botany as my main diploma fields, but took some courses in cultural and physical anthropology and laboratory work too (i.e. DNA sequencing, microbiology etc.) too. My final diploma thesis was in the field of behavioral zoology, about the various mating tactics of dragonflies (specifically Calopteryx splendens, the blue-banded demoiselle). My professor was (well, is) a leading expert in dragonfly behaviour in their habitats.

    Of course, that was before German politicians decided to dissemble the Vordiplom/Hauptdiplom system and replace it with the American Bachelor degree + Master degree some years ago. 😡 In the diploma system, you first studied between 4-6 semesters to get your Vordiplom (“pre-diploma”) which did NOT however make you eligible to work in that field and to apply for a doctorate. No no no. The pre-diploma period for natural scientists at least was supposed to teach you the basics of your whole science discipline as well as related disciplines: for biology, the first four semesters were spent taking a certain number of courses, lab work and seminars in the basics of various fields of biology (select depending on your aspired future field), as well as mandatory courses in physics, organic and inorganic chemistry, statistics or psychology.

    Only after all that you would then seamlessly segue into the Hauptdiplom (“main diploma”) phase, which usually took another 4-6 semesters or however long you needed (before the univesities tightened up the penalties for taking too long to finish), plus your diploma thesis, which for field biologist and “classical” biologists could take up another year or more, especially if you have field work and need to grow and harvest plants.

    Only after having a Hauptdiplom in your pocket were you eligible to become e a doctoral candidate (Ph.D. student). Once you had your Ph.D., you could apply for a Habilitation (State doctorate, postdoctoral lecture qualification) and after 5 more years or so and culminating in another thesis, you could call yourself Professor, and are supposed to do research and teach.

    Note: As I learned from the internet and (I kid you not) Cthulhu and Shadowrun roleplaying sourcebooks, the title of “Professor” means something completely different in Europe and the USA. In the USA, your academical degrees seems to stop at “post-doc”, and “professor” is just a term for someone who teaches? Which is why in Shadowrun 4th edition, the education table only goes up to “has a doctorate degree” which is highly annoying when you’re playing a character in the Shadowrun Germany setting.

    In Germany, in contrast, “Professor” is an academic title which carries a lot of reputation and you’re basically set for life. The youngest professor I personally know was in his mid-thirties when he became Professor of Theoretical Computer Science or some such weird field (he was a brilliant high achiever and also had many enough money early in his life that he didn’t have to waste time on working student jobs while he studied). He wryly remarked that he now had a job in a field that had less than a dozen people working in it worldwide. He is a roleplayer, too, btw.

    Anyway, long story short, some years ago the universities implemented the bachelor/master degree thing, in the hope that 1) German academic degrees would be easier accepted overseas, and 2) because the bachelor and master degree study period is more tightly streamlined, more school-like (which on the downside means no more time for students to take additional voluntary cross-curricular courses in stuff that does not directly relate to your later job, basically killing the traditional idea of the “classical educational ideal” meaning universities providing a chance for the student to acquire a well-rounded interdisciplinary education and the ability to think beyond their narrow field. Of course, these days the goal seem more about finishing your education as quickly as possible to be fodder for the global market.

    The introduction of student fees in the 1990s added another nail in the coffin of people’s ability to study two different unrelated disciplines, like medicine and law, consecutively, which means some jobs will see a dearth of qualified professionals in the future.

    • Here being a Professor is an academic title. Professorship happens after your doctorate, and you are basically a black belt in your chosen field. Many Professors DO teach, since the main reason they became Professors was because they were unwilling to leave school and join the “real world”.

      There is some looseness in the term, and some schools will call anyone in front of a class Professor. Technically however, if you don’t have the degree, you’re a teacher.

      • They actually Have to teach, it is a requirement in developing your thesis and showing your mastery of your subject matter. The problem many students then face is a combination of money, time, and ability to demonstrate enough detail, which strangely all 3 of these things can have a dramatic impact on each other. This is why you see many doctorate candidates taking freaking forever to prove their thesis, many never do.

        If your looking for education to propel you to greatness and wealth your only real chance is science and engineering. It is worse today because many universities in the US have narrowed down further their class outlines for graduation, and increased costs. If you want a well rounded education go to Europe or have a lot of money.

        • In Europe, the corporations and their proxies, the politicians, are bitching that education takes too long and German students should damn well have an academic degree and four semesters abroad and work experience by the age of 22, the lazy suckers! Well not quite, but you get the drift.

          Which is why some years ago, German politicians decided to cut the total school years for students going for a higher education entrance qualification from 13 years to 12 years. (Historically, East Germany (DDR) had had only 12 school years in total, while West Germany (BRD) it took 13 years to get our equivalent of a high school diploma.)

          Now, they problem is, the politicians didn’t shorten the “Oberstufe” (senior years of secondary school) which used to be years 11-13, no they shortened the “Mittelstufe” (the years 5-10 or 7-10, depending on if after primary school your grades were high enough that you moved to a secondary school right away, like I did, or if you first did two years of “Realschule”, a sort of orientation school where they decided if your grades were high enough to be applicable for High School). Of course, that has now been completely overhauled, so you can forget anything I said.

          Not to mention that in Germany, all males between the ages of 18 45 face the “Grundwehrdienst” a.k.a. basic military service which is a mandatory draft/conscription, which over the decades has been graducally whittled down from 18 months to 15 to 12 and currently stands at 6 months (there is talk to abolish it completely and only keep the career soldiers, but that discussion has been going on for years), usually right after finishing school, unless they are either declared unfit for the military or officially refuse military service as conscientious objectors. BUT in that latter case they have to work in compulsory community service, usually as helpers in hospitals and nursing homes for the elderly (this community service often took even longer than the basic military service but currently it’s down to 6 months too). Recently, there’s a third alternative, or so I read: you can refuse military service and instead opt to serve in civil protection services/disaster management for six years (not months), but as you’re only mandated to serve 200 hours per year there you can do other things beside that, like start an apprenticeship or go to university.

          But back when I started university during the mid-1990s, it meant that many male students were a year older than the female students (basic military service 12 months, or civilian service 15 months), so they were a year odler on average when they finished too. Even worse, if you started university without having been conscripted, you could still be conscripted in the middle of your academic studies! Technically, the military had to make concessions and let you finish your degree first, but I know a guy who was conscripted right during his “Hauptdiplom” phase despite the fact he was technically medically unfit (he had renal and heart troubles and bad knees) but they drafted him anyway. 😡 During basic training, he was allowed to shoot guns and drive tanks, but not allowed to participate in any strenuous physical activity…. but the worst thing was, he wasted a whole year, and you know what happens if you’re in the middle of academic training and then can’t take any courses for a whole year but hang out with people drinking beer… your brain shuts down.

          • “Conscientious objectors”, bleh. The only real places where they let you declare yourself as one with only some military prison time at best are the places where there aren’t real reasons to object to service. Real nasty regimes just would just fuck you up so badly you’ll be crawling on your knees to volunteer to clear mines and clean latrines, and be allowed to kiss the local Big Brother’s statue.

            What the term really means in the more civilized world is “cowards and spoiled kids”. The Israeli army is quite soft with the service conditions. We’re a small country, small army and frankly are rather soft-hearted as a whole(uh, it’ll take time to explain what I mean about that last part). Many, probably most, of those who object to service are either spoiled brats, doing it because it’s “hip” and fashionable or are genuinely concerned about the “occupation”(i.e deluded and ignorant). Most just feign illness, only a few, who probably just failed with the illness shtick, choose to declare how “goody-goody” they are so they’ll get applause from their friends.
            And the IDF has lots of cushy jobs(mainly for women) like secretaries and such. Hell, I was in the Logistics Force, and despite it being unpleasant at times(or was it “at all times”?) I was never near any flying bullets outside the shooting range(though I asked to be transferred to a different job that required me to carry a rifle and ceramic vest half the time because I was passing through “rougher” areas, but that was for several reasons- one of them was less guard duties in my base, the other that my commanding officer was a totally fucked up bastard who I knew I’d sooner or later attack if I had to serve under him and the last one was…uh, confidential, which I kept from telling my superiors), or forced to march gazillion miles across hilly terrain.
            Of course, I hated it for mostly other reasons, which they kinda found out in the draft office and gave me a pass to not serve, but I insisted on serving anyhow, mostly because there’s quite a bit of a stigma if you don’t serve.
            Anyway, the army sucks, but it usually doesn’t suck that much and lying about ulterior motives to get out instead of admitting you just don’t want to go through it is lame.

            Then again, there was this silly guy in my logistics course who seemed genuinely afraid of guns. It was very fun to shove a rifle in his direction.
            Or this stupid chick who cried hysterically at the shooting range because the noise frightened her. I laughed out loud at that.

    • So, uh, err…Dragonflies, was it? Sorry, I half drifted to sleep while you were describing different academic systems there. Such details never were my thing.

      But that’s what you did for your thesis, so now you research animal behavior? That’s wonderful! Personally that’s one of my childhood dreams, even if it’s not the “romantic” notion of the field researcher you see in documentaries.
      Speaking of which, I also have a problem with the American “system”- National Geographic have become a bunch of shallow, ratings-seeking whores who produce shitty shows for kids and teenagers(or dumb adults) and try to fill it with sensational bullshit. Or at least that’s what they were doing half the time when I last bothered watching anything of theirs at least 5 years ago.

      • I wish I could research animal behaviour in the field. Unfortunately, during my final year at university, I developed an autoimmune disease, psoriatic arthritis, for reasons unknown, and because these things usually start deceptively slowly with inflammation of the toes and then ankle joints on one side only, it wasn’t properly diagnosed by a rheumatologist (prior to that, orthopaedists thought I had merely sprained my ankle, because back then I still did sports) and properly treated until nearly two years later by which time I had trouble walking and the inflammation had spread to the other ankle and was starting in my finger joints and wrists and elbows. I had managed to gather my field data, but then it took me forever to finish the thesis because right at that time most my friends had moved away and I also developed a depression. So, these days I’m married, jobless, unable to have children, and unable to work as a field biologist or nature photographer. 😥 But hey, it leaves me a lot of time to devote to my roleplaying groups (social contacts! that’s good, right?) and to devour textbooks about science, history and politics (which has turned me into even more of a cynic than I used to be by nature). Hurray.

        So yeah, in retrospect, if I had know at the start of my academic life what was in store for me, I would have specialised in lab work. Maybe one day I’ll work up the nerve to start a doctorate and go for a Ph.D. because that seems to be the only way for a zoologist or ecologist to get work in his chosen field.

        Anyway. Enough about me.

          • I prefer to leave my life a mystery as a whole, with only a few juicy tidbits to keep everyone hungry for more.

            So far, it hasn’t seemed to work. 😛

        • I’m sorry to hear about your arthritis. Is that the reason you’re unable to have children(because at first glance it seems unrelated)? This might not be the best thing to say, but kids suck, so maybe you’re not missing that much in that regard. But then again some people like those little vermin for some reason.
          At least you still have your brains, even if your body is in bad shape, and could start that doctorate. ALS didn’t stop Hawking.
          Also, I suck at pep talks.

  5. Er, Kevin, your server apparently has eaten some of my posting today. It seems to hate the longer postings , because the short ones got through.

    • I’ll respond to the one large posting you made that actually appeared on the page, which said, “Fuck cloud computing,” three times in three different paragraphs and then, “Fuck their stupid character builder for trying to stop people from actually making a character instead of picking one of their presets.”
      Greetings fellow crypto-luddite, sorry we haven’t gotten in touch with you in an approved manner but the carrier-rat program has run into problems.

      • Heh. I admit, I’m rather paranoid about cloud computing. I want to own my own data, not shoot it across the internet and be dependent on someone else’s server or be told which apps I can install where. I don’t do facebook or twitter either. It’s not that I’m afraid that people will “steal my personal life”, heck, the things that anyone can find out about me the old-fashioned way ain’t really a secret.

        Heck, my cell phone is so old it has neither a camera nor internet access. You can push buttons and then talk to far-awy people by the magic of SCIENCE! When Skynet awakens and the Cylons invade Earth, my phone will be the beacon of freedom for the Resistance! 🙄 :mrgreen:

        • Cylons have the advantage of numbers, but terminator appear to be much tougher. Both can emulate humans, and I imagine, each other.

          I’m going to give it to the Cylons. I think it’d be a short hop from their first encounter with a terminator before all the Cylons would would be sporting Skynet upgrades, and then the numbers carry them.

          • The Cylons have spaceships and probably a hell of a lot more WMD’s, not to mention their mobility, thanks to the aforementioned spaceships.
            In short, Skynet can’t do shit and is a sitting duck.

            And Terminators have no real reason to be that tough. Metal is fine, but bullets and bombs still rip it apart. They’re only shown to be so tough because there are only 1-2 around in each film and you must conserve your Ninjitsu. The 4th film had more than 1-2 and those were usually taken care of much more easily.

        • I kid, but I do not own a cellphone myself, or any of those other MP3 player or similarly pocket-sized portable computing devices. We just don’t know what the long term radiation exposure risk is and I’m very wary of the social and economic risks attendant with owning and operating such crap. My profession and the realities of modern western socio-economic activity make not using PCs a non-starter but why take a risk that I’ll turn into a cellphone-douche if I don’t have to?

            • Yeah, spam calls and messages from advertisers/your service provider. Thankfully I hardly get any of either, but they still piss me off.

              Or in the social context I could mention this girl I used to work with in the gas station who called me the other day after we haven’t spoken since she left that job about a year and a half ago, and was highly suspicious from the start.
              I might tell it more in full later, since you’ve asked me to talk about my life(all your fault, Kevin!).

            • Don’t play stupid. A short list of highlights include cellphone-glued drivers crashing into shit, assholes talking loudly on their phones disturbing everyone else around them, bills for something I’ve never needed which actually can easily cost over a hundred bucks a month up here in Soviet Canuckistan, stupid contracts, actually having a phone that someone may demand I leave turned on so they could call me, calls from clients that keep ringing me while I’m waiting for a call from someone else…. In short having to pay for and deal with something that can easily be as loud and annoying as any baby that I simply don’t need.
              A land line is nearly too much piss-off already.

              • But unlike a baby(OK, just like, but I think it’s illegal and people don’t seem amused when you suggest it), you can shut it off or silence it. And it costs as much as you use it, aside from all the creative fees they stick so they make some profit out of you even if you’ve taken a vow of silence.

                I’ve got a service plan specifically made for light talkers, and end up paying the equivalent of about 10-12$ USD per month, of which about 7$ would be the basic fee I mentioned, even if I don’t talk.
                The only way it can cost you 100$ is if you actually talk a lot or use other services, like messaging or internet(I hardly talk, hardly ever message and never use the internet).

                As to idiot drivers, if it weren’t the cellphones they’d be doing something else and ending up the same.

          • Radiation in MP3 players? A flashlight gives off the same radiation. You might be confusing cellphones and other such devices that connect by using antennas with “simple” devices that aren’t any different from your living-room’s light-bulb. Hell, refrigerators seem more hazardous, both for operating on higher voltage(thus posing a threat of electrocution in case of a very freaky accident, like if one decided to leak the socket for some reason) and containing gases that aren’t all too great for you if they leak out. And also if one flips over you.

            Cellphones and their ilk, on the other hand, might pose a threat to one’s health, but I’m guessing it’s more a matter of use. Personally I hope they sterilize you if you put them regularly in your trouser pocket, because A) it would be hilarious on an epic scale B) fewer annoying kids around for a few years, and C) I always put it in my pocket, just in case, so I don’t ever end up having to care/pay for a child.

            • Sure, things that don’t operate intentional RF transmitters don’t tend to beam out significant radiation but I’m wary because highly clocked processor chips end up broadcasting EMF anyway.
              To be honest in the case of MP3 players it’s mostly that I’m enough of an audiophile with really sensitive hearing that I can’t stand converted MP3 files and even ordinary CDs are noticeably missing something to me.

            • There is a lot of hysteria surrounding cellphones. My husband is an electro-engineer who worked with High EnergyElectromagnetics for several years, and he always gets rather annoyed when he hear some people on TV babbling about mysterious dangerous electromagnetic “radiations” coming from modern technology that, despite all the scientific testing and medical risk assessment to the contrary, they insists are there and can only be combatted by by buying New-Agey specially-kinked cables and whatnot.

              I’m not talking about real, existing electromagnetic radiation, of course that exists, heck, we’re awash in it (hello, lightbulb, hello sun). And neurologists use the fact that you can use strong magnetic fields to induce reactions in the human brain from outside when you focus them on certain parts, called transcranial magnetic stimulation. But unless you’re a dove or a crab, you won’t notice weak magnetic fields.

              It’s “Orgone Energy” and “electroencephaloneuromentimpographs” all over again. Look at all the pseudoscientific hysterias and fads of the past two centuries: In the 18th century, the Leyden Jar sparked people’s imaginations. After Volta discovered electrochemistry (1792) and Oersted demonstrated the effects of electromagnetism (1820), “magnetism” became 19th century’s equivalent of magic in the public eye. After all, didn’t scientists say there are all these invisible magnetic fields all over the place that can influence things from a distance and induce electric currents? And hadn’t Mr. Galvani done this experiment with frogs’ legs and proved that electricity was the long-sought-for “life force” animating animal and human tissue? (Where do you think MaryShelley got her idea for Frankenstein?)

              “Mesmerism” became all the rage and the belief in “animal magnetism” flowered. Animal Magnetism, to go by books from the period, is a force which flows through all living beings, can be transmitted from one body to another and can operate at a distance to heal. By the “scientific” power of animal magnetism, nervous disorders and disease could be cured, while [quote] “the physician knows the state of health of each individual & determines with certainty the origin, nature and progess of even the most complicated of diseases”. (Who needs a cleric’s Status spell when he has Science!, right?) 😉 Magnetic rods were thought to have healing properties, because they “concentrated the magnetism at the tip”. Mesmer himself groups patients around a vat with “magnetized water”, had them touch “magnetized” metal rods protruding from the vat, and looped a rope around the patients to form a “mesmeric chain”… but care had to be taken, for the rope must not have any knots in it, because this might “impede the flow” of the mesmetic force. Similarly, in 1796 a Dr. Elisha Perkins patented a device consisting of metal alloy rods, the “Perkins Patented Metallic Tractor”, to “yank” diseases out of a patient’s body.

              Ladies and Gentlemen, pseudoscience at its best! Scientific-sounding terms, pressed into service in a sort of cargo cult of magic thinking applied to natural phenomena and technology.

              Then in the early 20th century, the 1900s-1930s, radio waves were thought by some people to have the same healing properties. In the 1920s, A Dr. Albert Abrams of San Francisco claimed you could kill i.e. harmful bacteria by directing radio waves of the correct frequency towards the patient, and also use a “reflexophone” to diagnose people via telephone. How? Because bones, diseased tissue and drugs all had certain “vibratory rates”, therefore you could dispose of medications altogether and just use radio, and use electrical divices of Abram’s invention to pick up vibrations from the sick patient transmitted via telephone wires.

              A Dr. Ruth Drown (who according to Martin Gardner’s book ‘Fads and Fallacies in the Name of Science’) picked up her knowledge of electronics when she worked in the Electric Assembly Department of the Southern California Edison Company and later became a licensed osteopath) picked up Abrams’ ideas during the 1930s and came up with the “Drown Radio Therapy”, which, according to her self-published periodical, the Journal of the Drown Radio Therapy, can be used to diagnose patients from a distance by putting drops of their blood into a machine (patented by Drown), take “radio photographs” of body organs, stop bleeding by radio waves, and transmit healing rays at the patient from afar. Drown’s cherished piece was her “Broadcasting Room” with dozens of dials along the walls by means of which dozens of patients could be treated at the same time. Drown continued her work into the 1950s, until the Dean of the Biological Sciences Division at the University of Chicago conducted an investigation into the potential clinical value of this phenomenon and asked Dr. Drown for a demonstration of her machines, by giving her blood samples to diagnose and asking her to stop the bleeding of a test animal. Unfortunately, the tests failed spectacularly; while the “radio photography” pictures turned out to be nothing but artifacts produced by exposure of the film to white light before it had been fixed properly; in fact it made no difference if the film was actually placed into the radio photography machine or not before it was subjected to the highly unorthodox processing method devised by Drown.

              • I’m going to let Christina’s response stand as the health/economic rebuttal, and I am going to address the social aspect. (Let me separate out the actual monthly cost, since I have no idea what that might be where you are and is certainly a sufficient reason all by itself for not wanting a phone.)

                “cellphone-glued drivers crashing into shit, assholes talking loudly on their phones disturbing everyone else around them, bills for something I’ve never needed which actually can easily cost over a hundred bucks a month up here in Soviet Canuckistan, stupid contracts, actually having a phone that someone may demand I leave turned on so they could call me, calls from clients that keep ringing me while I’m waiting for a call from someone else…. In short having to pay for and deal with something that can easily be as loud and annoying as any baby that I simply don’t need.
                A land line is nearly too much piss-off already.”

                I have owned and used a cellphone for over a decade. this makes me a late adopter. If I use it in the car I turn on the speaker and put it in my lap, making the phone no more irritating than a passenger is. The contract is straightforward, They provide me with a service and I pay for it. I researched my choice before I signed and knew ahead of time what I was in for, thus there has been no buyer’s remorse on my part, and no need for me to want to go back on my word. My phone only rings when someone I have specifically programmed into into it calls me. If you are not on my “approved” list, I never even now you called. This works out because I only give the number to people I want to take calls from. Therefore, no “call spam”, no employers, no one I do not explicitly wish already to talk to.

                I am not “playing stupid” with you, coward. But having a cell phone isn’t going to turn you into a dick. If you hate people who talk loudly on their phones in public, then you simply aren’t going to do that. If someone can’t hear you, you tell them you’ll call them back from someplace more private. If you think it’s dangerous to talk from the car, you will use the speaker or simply not answer, and call them back later.

                As I’ve said, the cost is a perfectly acceptable reason to avoid getting a cellphone, if you feel it’s prohibitive to you. But everything else is simply an attack of what you feel is obnoxious individual behavior under the guise cellphone-social commentary. In other words, “People are dicks. Don’t blame it on their phones.”

  6. In Morty’s place I’d be thinking, “Remove the protective bracelet and we’ll have boiled crab pretty quickly.” I like this idea, they could give a nice bowl of it to Snarla as a way of both being nice and intimidating her–by demonstrating their ability to kill the thing behind the locked doors she could not get past.

  7. Then again, if Enkidu knows Polymorph Other…POOF! Crab? what Crab? All I see is a manatee, whose flippers, being too small for the bracelet of protection, slipped right off….

        • Plus, if Polymorph Other actually worked that way, you could just turn all the monsters into ants and then step on them. Saving throws or other restrictions would be involved, and I doubt it work on the crab…Bonus points for creativity though.

          • Actually, in R1, PO did work that way (They still got a save though, not sure what you mean by “other restrictions” (Only other glitch I recall in PO was system shock to prevent you using it on a teammate to win fights, and since they wanna kill the crab anyway, that’s not a factor…)

            • “Other Restrictions” could include size limits (Does not work on Huge or larger creatures, cannot change the size of the creature, etc), could require that the caster be familiar with the current and future shapes of the target, or even something more random.

              • So basically the DM can short circuit it for any reason he feels like eh?

                “Oh, you know about NORMAL crabs, but this is a GIANT crab, so you can’t turn it into, say, a giant jellyfish because you’ve never seen a giant crab before.”

              • I’m not saying the rules always make sense or are applied fairly, just that they’re involved, and no sensible DM would allow the PCs to turn an Elder Wurm into an ant.

                • But doesn’t an Elder Wurm have spell resistance up the rear end? It’s no more obnoxious than a vorpal sword (which originally didn’t even allow a saving throw, and none of this “confirmed crit” stuff…natural 20 rolled and snicker-snak!)

                • I would allow the PCs to turn an Elder Dragon into an ant if they had given the idea enough thought and creativity.

                  Or if it were really funny.

  8. They could… uh… cut off troll-Morty’s arm and feed it to the crab… and when his arm regenerates, cut it off again… rinse and repeat… until the crab is no longer hungry?

    I’m sure Enkidu would instantly love that plan. Which is why it’s a bad idea.

  9. Summon some bigger monster.
    Curse the crab with disease.
    Curse it with blindness.
    Turn all the water into boiling acid and the island into mud?
    Throw Enkidu to the crab.