The Thursday Blog: Large and In Charge Edition

Judge Donald Thompson got out of prison about a year and a half ago.

After serving 23 years on the bench, the Judge was arrested and convicted of exposing himself while on the job, for which he served two years of a four year sentence in the penitentiary. Cock, apparently, is considered inappropriate during a murder trial.

Judge Thompson claimed that the penis pump he kept with him while presiding over cases was just a joke gift from an old friend and fishing buddy, and while he may have “absent-mindedly squeezed” the bulb of the pump a few times during trial, he certainly never masturbated in front of a courtroom. It was therefore a mystery as to exactly what the constant sucking/whooshing noises were on the tape of the grandfather tearfully relating the last few moments of his murdered granddaughter’s life, or why Judge Thompson’s own manly joy-juice was discovered in the carpet under his Judge-desk, on the cushion of his Judge-chair, and in the pecker-pump that he openly acknowledges never having used.

Also a mystery were the multiple jurors that claimed to have witnessed Judge Thompson as he he fondled, oiled, and in one instance shaved his junk during session. More mysterious was the police officer who watched Judge Thompson pumping his pud during the officer’s testimony, and most mysterious of all was the court reporter to whom the Judge exposed himself at least 15 times.

The jurors in the Judge’s trial found it all a bit less mysterious than the Judge did himself.

Now I’ll be the first to stand up and say that I am a fan of masturbation. Big fan. And though I do have some fantasies that lean in that direction I am at least smart enough not to do it in public. Am I claiming that this makes me smarter than the average judge? Well… I’m not certain I’d classify Judge Thompson as an “average” judge, but in general, I’d have to say that anyone who is smart enough not to get caught jerking off in front of the family of a murdered 21 month-old is probably smarter than your typical judge. It’s not even that these guys are stupid. Most of them are at least good at memorizing stuff for bar exams, but they do tend to forget that they serve the law too, and are not actually the law themselves.

The gavel is my penis.

19 Responses to The Thursday Blog: Large and In Charge Edition

  1. Eh, it’s probably not that he’s that stupid, it’s that he’s that sick and just can’t help himself.
    I mean, we all sometimes fantasize about masturbating in front of a full courtroom while presiding over an infanticide trial, or something similar…I guess, but for most it’s nothing more than a little fantasy we can control and wouldn’t really think to play out. I mean, I don’t play out my fantasy of raising a robot army to crush all mankind because I know it’s too crazy(And costly- you have any idea how much all the parts will cost?), or the same plan only involving genetically engineered flying monkeys with lasguns, but I guess some people just can’t help themselves, and so we get masturbating judges and tales about silly and weird sexual accidents and lovingly portrayed in most of the recent decade’s teen comedies.
    Or, you know, the Israeli Left’s delusional fetish about making peace treaties.

  2. Schoolteachers and judges both have responsibility for holding court over completely unreasonable, immature people; no doubt it rubs off on all of them to greater and lesser degrees and this is made worse by the corruption-magnetic power and prestige of becoming first a lawyer and then a judge on top of that.
    Still, I’m afraid I’m not going to follow you to a general opinion that all judges are stupid based on anecdotal evidence.

    • I can’t agree with you here. A judge is only a figure of the law, not a maker of law, and only represents the law on behalf of the court system to administer order. You don’t even have to be a lawyer or have a doctorate to become a judge. The lower courts of each state have thousands of judges that preside over petty actions that have no criminal or moral action. Traffic court is a prime example.

      Anyone can be a judge, except if you have a felony or are not a US citizen. You just need to demonstrate the ability to overcome bias and understand law.

      Sick people with fetishes are exactly what they are, sick. This guy has a fetish of watching people suffer. Being a judge enables him to serve his greed but he would find other ways if he was not a judge.

      • I don’t know if that was the whole picture, of him masturbating just in that particular case that Kevin mentioned, but it doesn’t seem that likely to me. You don’t go plunging fully into something with such things, you usually start with little experiences and experiments and as you don’t get caught you grow bolder and more elaborate, like serial killers or politicians lying&stealing public funds.
        He was probably lightly fondling himself way before said incident and elaborated on the act until he finally brought “toys” with him.
        Also, exposing himself to a reporter, that smells more of exhibitionism(or whatever the term is), and I’m guessing the jerking off was more because it was in public than relating to this or that type of case or the suffering of people in the courthouse.

      • The law is as much its interpretation as its origination and execution. An example under the Canadian criminal code:
        http://www.efc.ca/pages/law/cc/cc.163.1.html
        A fairly arguable interpretation of this section would say that every person who reads or writes Harry Potter slash-fiction is an offender under child porn rules. A strict interpretation says that anyone who ever saw Japanese schoolgirl hentai on the internet somewhere is an offender under child porn rules.
        Consider that the importation of manga and anime and the production of fanwork is a significant business in North America. That means that it’s unlikely they have arrested and prosecuted everyone that could be considered guilty.
        Seriously, I expect one of these days this matter will come up in Canadian court where the cops have a hate-on for some freak that probably isn’t as bad as they think and then try to prosecute them for some of that comic porn stuff that never involved a real minor anywhere from start to finish. Then it comes down to a judge since politicians don’t have the guts to make that decision (or if the politicians do it’s because the cops have blackmail material on them and they’re telling them to).

        • I agree it’s child porn on both examples you’ve given, and just to be sure I recommend banning any Harry Potter material and all Japanese&Asian anime works.
          It could just be that I don’t like those two, but the law is on my side!

          • I dislike this shit too but if we were to start jailing folks for that crap we’d have the US prison system problem. If they never diddled any kids, paid for, sold, distributed or possessed actual kidporn, or even knowingly talked to anybody that did I say it costs too much money to jail them for kidporn charges. I’d rather spend that money on old age pensions and a good healthcare system.

            • Oh, I’m afraid I was misunderstood there. You see, my post wasn’t about pedophiles or bored, lonely people(and I get the impression those are mostly teenagers of the same age) who try to work out their problems by writing about some teenage students getting it on. For all I care people can write about babies getting raped by puppies and then kittens come and rape everyone all over again.
              The point was about my loathing of Harry Potter and Harry Potter hype, and the anime style of drawing and design, not to mention the silly content. And OK, it looks like the Japanese as a whole are trying to sexualize kids even when it’s not supposed to be porn, but that’s their problem, not mine.

              Also, Rowling seems to be a thieving, unoriginal bitch.

              • Meh. Rowling Just took the Unseen University, took out the Orangutan Librarian, made wizards a bit smarter, added a good helping of LOTR stuff (Dark Lord, artifact(s) must be destroyed to defeat him, yatta yatta…) and plopped it down into contemporary England.

                Just about every possible Fantasy story has been told…writing a completely original one would be nearly impossible…even if you didn’t intentionally borrow from someone else’s stories directly, there’s only so much you can do with spellcasters, dragons, magic swords and so on without SOMEONE being able to draw a parallel to an existing story.

                Take Eregon for example. We can’t be SURE the author isn’t subconsciously borrowing the telepathic dragons who bond to their riders when they hatch from the Dragonriders of Pern series, but there you are.

                • There’s a difference between using tropes, which is all but unavoidable(But there are ways of using them and there are ways of using them, i.e A Song of Ice And Fire), making a homage, doing a parody and simple, cheap plagiarism.

                  Also, from an Australian webcomic I used to read I got the impression Rowling also stole Shelob(The giant spider) from LoTR, but it could’ve been a joke on her other thefts.
                  And I recall some lawsuit against her for allegedly plagiarizing some kids’ book, but IDK if anything was proven or she just payed them to shut up about it.
                  And seriously, from someone who read those books, were they really worth all the worldwide hype? Was this the new LoTR of our time? Somehow I doubt that.

                  • Her books certainly strike a chord that people are responding to. Is she a good writer? Well, she sure appears to be good enough.

                    • Actually, it was my dad who got me into the Harry Potter books ( he just joined the 3/4 century club). He also bought me the white box for Christmas back in 78 or 79. Potter may not be the LOTR of our time, but not a bad read.

  3. I always knew there were Judges out there who were big pricks…buncha self-important dorks, legislating from the bench…now we KNOW some of them are being paid to jerk off.