Judge Donald Thompson got out of prison about a year and a half ago.
After serving 23 years on the bench, the Judge was arrested and convicted of exposing himself while on the job, for which he served two years of a four year sentence in the penitentiary. Cock, apparently, is considered inappropriate during a murder trial.
Judge Thompson claimed that the penis pump he kept with him while presiding over cases was just a joke gift from an old friend and fishing buddy, and while he may have “absent-mindedly squeezed” the bulb of the pump a few times during trial, he certainly never masturbated in front of a courtroom. It was therefore a mystery as to exactly what the constant sucking/whooshing noises were on the tape of the grandfather tearfully relating the last few moments of his murdered granddaughter’s life, or why Judge Thompson’s own manly joy-juice was discovered in the carpet under his Judge-desk, on the cushion of his Judge-chair, and in the pecker-pump that he openly acknowledges never having used.
Also a mystery were the multiple jurors that claimed to have witnessed Judge Thompson as he he fondled, oiled, and in one instance shaved his junk during session. More mysterious was the police officer who watched Judge Thompson pumping his pud during the officer’s testimony, and most mysterious of all was the court reporter to whom the Judge exposed himself at least 15 times.
The jurors in the Judge’s trial found it all a bit less mysterious than the Judge did himself.
Now I’ll be the first to stand up and say that I am a fan of masturbation. Big fan. And though I do have some fantasies that lean in that direction I am at least smart enough not to do it in public. Am I claiming that this makes me smarter than the average judge? Well… I’m not certain I’d classify Judge Thompson as an “average” judge, but in general, I’d have to say that anyone who is smart enough not to get caught jerking off in front of the family of a murdered 21 month-old is probably smarter than your typical judge. It’s not even that these guys are stupid. Most of them are at least good at memorizing stuff for bar exams, but they do tend to forget that they serve the law too, and are not actually the law themselves.
The gavel is my penis.