Become a Werewolf

Item 1: Quotes heard from around the office:

“Have you ever had a tractor park on your foot? Well, that’s what it’s like to have sex with you.” “Oh yeah? Well, have you ever had a fish slap you in the junk? THAT’S what its like to have sex with you.”

Item 2: Two new favorite sites

Item 3: Become a werewolf

I found this through my friend Roxanne who does a podcast for NeedCoffee.com. It’s an ebay auction for a spell to turn into a werewolf. I am constantly amazed what people will try to sell on ebay. And, unless this guy is cheating, he is actually selling them. I don’t even know where to start – except to say it’s damn amusing.

Original Ebay link.

Below is the auction copy in case you can’t see the original after the auction is over:

I do accept payments if some prefer to do that.

WEREWOLF TRANSFORMATION SPELL

FINALLY A SPELL THAT IS SO POWERFUL LIKE YOU WOULD SEE IN A MOVIE IS ACTUALLY REALITY. A SPELL TO TRANSFORM INTO A WEREWOLF! YES YOU WILL BECOME A WEREWOLF.

HAVE YOU EVER DREAMED OR WANTED SO BADLY TO BE THIS CREATURE AND YET YOU THINK IT DONT EXSIST AND OTHERS TELL YOU THEY DONT AND THAT THEY ARE FICTION? WELL LET ME TELL YOU IT IS A HARD THING TO BELIEVE BUT IT IS REAL. SEE PEOPLE DONT BELIEVE IN THIS KIND OF STUFF BECAUSE JUST THE SAME IN MOVIES PEOPLE WONT BELIEVE IT BECAUSE ITS A FICTIONAL THING TO THEM, SEE WEREWOLVES, VAMPIRES & DEMONS ARE OUT THERE AND REASON WHY PEOPLE WONT BELIEVE IN IT IS BECAUSE THESE CREATURES ARENT STUPID AND WILL JUST BROADCAST IT TO PUBLIC THAT THEY ARE A WEREWOLF FOR EXAMPLE. SEE IF ANYBODY DID THAT THEN ITS BAD ATTENTION AND WOULD MAKE LIFE MUCH HARDER. THESE CREATURES OUT THERE ARE SMART AND THEY NEVER REVEAL THERE IDENTITY AS OF WHAT THEY ARE. AND THAT IS THE REASON WHY EVERYONE OR MOST DONT BELIEVE IN WEREWOLVES, VAMPIRES & DEMONS.

SO IF YOU ARE ONE THAT TRUELY BELIEVES IN THIS STUFF AND YOU KNOW ITS FOR REAL AND YOU WANT TO BECOME A WEREWOLF THEN KEEP READING, ITS ABOUT TO GET INTERESTING.

MOVING ON

OK WELL YOU PROBABLY WANT TO KNOW THE MAIN THING ALOT ARE CURIOUS ABOUT. “WHAT ARE THE WEREWOLF ABILITIES THAT ID GET OUT OF THIS SPELL

STRENTGH~YOU WILL BE STRONGER THAN A VAMPIRE & DEMON

SPEED~THAT YOU CAN RUN AS FASTER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE

YES SHAPESHIFTING OF COURSE~YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SHAPESHIFT INTO A BEAST LIKE CREATURE

IMMORTALITY~YOU WILL NEVER GROW OLD AND YOU WILL NEVER DIE

MASSIVE SEX APPEAL

HUGE APPETITE FOR MEAT

YOUR SENSES WILL BE ENHANCED LIKE, TASTE~SMELL~HEARING~FEELING~SEEING/VISION

HAVING VISIONS AND LUCID DREAMS.

YOU WILL BE ALERTED IF DANGER IS NEAR BY

BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH ANIMALS AND HAVE CONTROL OVER THEM

ONCE SHAPESHIFTED INTO WEREWOLF FORM YOU WILL HAVE NIGHT VISION

SO THESE ARE THE MAIN ABILITIES OF BEING A WEREWOLF FROM THIS VERY POWERFUL SPELL

IF YOU WANT TO BECOME A WEREWOLF THEN YOU HAVE CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

AND I KNOW, I KNOW. WHAT YOUR THINKING IS “GEES IT TAKES THAT LONG, I WANT IT TO BE IMMEDIATELY”. WELL THAT WOULDNT HAPPEN WITH THIS SPELL HERE. I KNOW WAITING CAN BE FRUSTERATING BUT THINK OF IT THIS WAY. YOUR NEW LIFE AND DREAM WILL ALL CHANGE IN A MATTER OF A COUPLE WEEKES TO MONTHS MAYBE, JUST MAYBE OVER A YEAR. IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT IN THE END. I PROMISE!!! IM BASING THIS ON THE FACT THAT THE LONGEST IT HAS EVER TAKEN FOR SOMONE IS A LITTLE OVER A YEAR, AND QUICKEST IS 2 WEEKS. BUT THATS BECAUSE IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW THE SPELL IS CASTED FOR THIS WEREWOLF SPELL AND IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON ITS CASTED ON. IF YOU GOT DARK AND/OR EVIL SPIRITS ATTACHED TO YOU THAT WONT GO AWAY THAT WILL MAKE RESULTS LONGER BECAUSE THEY CAN BLOCK THE MAGIC FROM ATTACHING TO YOUR BODY. TO FIX THAT PROBLEM IF YOU FIND OUT YOU HAVE THAT THAN ID RECOMMEND YOU LOOK AROUND FOR A SPELL AND HAVE IT TAKEN CARE OF SO ALL NEGATIVITY WILL BE OUT OF THE WAY.

SO I WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR THERE INTEREST IN THIS LISTING AND I HOPE TO HEAR FROM ANYONE THAT IS INTERESTED AND IF ANY QUESTIONS ILL DO MY BEST TO ANSWER THEM AS QUICK AS I CAN. SOMETIMES I DO GET A LITTLE BUSY

THANK YOU!

42 Responses to Become a Werewolf

  1. Counter-argument: people are douchebags. Vampires, demons, and werewolves are going to be even douchier. What’s the douchiest thing a disenfranchised supernatural entity could do?

    Out everyone.

    Are you really telling me none of them have ever been disenfranchised before? If you are, I would like to sell you this one of a kind… uhm… magic character sheet. Yeah. Write your name in there and write your stats. YOUR CHANGES WILL REFLECT REALITY.

    • Ok, I’ll be douchy and out the guy in the auction.

      Check out the bid history (1 bid). Now look at the winner’s user name (a***a). Now go back and look at the seller’s user name (ambroselamia). I’m almost positive the dude bought his own stuff just so he wouldn’t get ragged by all of his friends that found out he was selling this.

      Of course, also look at the top of the eBay page and notice that there is a Buy It Now version for $500……..

  2. I thought there had to be bites involved in the makings of werewolves and vampires.
    I’d totally sell bites to young girls who want to become vampires after watching this or that shitty movie, though. Anyone interested?

    I wonder, can you sue someone over not turning into a werewolf after using his, uh, merchandise? That’d be a great way to have fun at his expense while also getting some money out of it.
    You’re supposed to make the promises as vague and general as possible if you want to thrive on the ignorant out in the open(like astrologers, clergy or politicians), not promise them something concrete that they can see for themselves isn’t working. That’s just asking for a lynch mob.

  3. I happen to be an agent for the upcoming Eiffel Tower sale. You can either keep this tourist attraction, or take it down for scrap metal – your choice.

    All payments to be made in used small bills. Mail me and I will arrange payment details.

    • You forgot “unmarked” for the bills there.

      Would you take swamp fertile land in Florida that i might or might not actually own as payment?

      • Swamp land is fertile……just not for certain agricultural endeavours.

        Swamps are great for harvesting:
        Mosquitos *
        Water Moccassins *
        Gators *

        * do so at your own risk

        • Swampland is fertile, and great for cultivation when dried, AFAIK. But the key word here is “dried”.
          It was more of a failure on my part to come up with a positive antonym for “swamp”.

          • I would have gone with “water front property”……people would assume beach but instead be deeded swampland. 🙂

      • I most certainly would consider such an exchange – but only if you throw in some lunar real estate into the bargain.

        Alternative use for a swamp: buy a monster truck and go on a rampage – endless fun.

        • In the SWAMP?! You’d sink. Obviously you need scuba gear as well.

          Speaking of your tower for sale, want some parachutes for half price? They’re second hand, but in pristine condition- never opened!

          • Hmm, I guess I was thinking more of a marsh: http :// en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marsh – less water, more solid, great for skidding around in.

            About those parachutes, I guess I could use them to jump out of the plane that I got that only has one wing, it only goes half as fast, I haven’t tried it yet though.

  4. Apparenty, part of being a Werewolf is the inability to spell…or maybe it’s hard to type with talons?

    And he forgot the disclaimer: “Though you will transform into a man-wolf like being during the full moon, most victims of the werewolf curse…er…I mean “spell” suffer from amnesia after transformations. Consumption of raw meat while in human form can result in serious illness. Increased strength occurs only in shapeshifted form…No refunds if you encounter a demon and challenge them to an arm wrestling match in human form…” and so on.

    • Every night, as you sleep, your astral self will shapeshift into a beautiful and fabulous person who will travel the globe, get invited to the best parties and have sex with amazing strangers, and will actually look good dancing in public. Any night you feel like you didn’t get a very good night’s sleep… that’s why.

      • Instructions for implementing the spell: Go into a crowded public places, strip naked and start shouting the following incantation over and over as loudly as possible: “Owah Tafoo Lliam!”

        When people stop staring at you, the spell is complete.

  5. I just realized that my D&D campaigns have not had *nearly* enough werewolves. Of course, maybe that’s because it takes the spell a year to go into effect…

  6. Don’t be a fool! You need to have expectations of reality to prepare for the worst disasters and historical events to come! You thought things such as daemons and zombies don’t exist? Think again! Even now our very own Universities are teaching our children how to comfront Zombies. History has presented to us that the possibility of a zombie apacolypse could very well one day occur, and who will you be when this happens?
    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100907/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_zombie_class_1

    Don’t be the forgotten! Buy my proven forumla that prevents zombification! It is a natural supplement found in the wild that is carefuly produced to maintain your living status even after you have been bitten. It has no affect after death during the zombification process so you must take it before. Cherish your loved ones!

    My anti-zombie supplement comes in two flavors, orange and cherry, doses can be bought in quantities of 1000 if bought in bulk for a discount of %10 original cost! Invest with your community and maintain your health!

    Where does this supplement come from you say? From the very thing Zombies can’t stand! Organges, that is correct! The secret ingredient found deep within this holy fruit gives the human body the ability to combat the zombie infection and prevent you from instantly becoming one of the damned.

    Hurry today! While supplies last.
    Send cash payment or paypal account to ZOOOOOOMMMMBBBIIIESSS!
    Once payment is received your dosage will be balanced and sent to you immediately!

  7. Everyone is jumping to #3…

    #1 however gets my favorite office quote.

    “I heard the most interesting thing this weekend. Did you know that the number 69 has something to do with sex?”
    The wall outside my office door got a serious coffee stain that morning as I spewed it out at record velocity. Coffee out the nose is an experience to be missed.

    The next week, I was telling the whole story to my gaming group and my sister (43 at the time) gets this serious look on her face and says “I dont get it.” Mountain dew out the nose is like a spa treatment after coffee.

  8. Anyone else suspect that the Twitter-virus was the responsibility of Scratch from the PvP webcomic? he was probably trying to get free Kitty porn…

  9. The worst thing about it all?

    His spelling is atrocious.

    If you are going to perpetuate a fraud, at least spell properly whilst doing so!!