(Story taken from the BBC News)
So Geoff (37) is hanging out at this party in Liverpool and decides it’s going nowhere, so he calls his friend Amanda (24) on the phone to pick him and few others up from the party to head over to his house for drinks. Geoff and Amanda used to go out, but that was a comfortable time ago and these days they’re best pals.
Everyone is having a good time back at Geoff’s, but soon tension begins between the ex-lovers. They begin to argue and things escalate. At some point, Amanda gets so enraged that she grabs Geoff’s junk right through his pants and yanks… hard. Geoff’s pants, underwear, and one testicle all come off, leaving Geoff both naked and bloodied from the waist down. And not in the good way.
Apparently feeling that this act did not quite express her anger, Amanda took ball in hand and popped it into her mouth, intending to swallow it. (At this point it occurred to me that Amanda was probably a sorority girl.) Here Amanda’s rage gave way to the yuck factor and she choked, having suddenly realized that she was trying to swallow the testicle she had just torn out of her best friend’s ball sac. Amanda spat the testicle into her hand, at which point one of the other guests steps forward, snatches it away from her, and hands it back to Geoff, saying…
I’m not certain precisely what the guest intended poor, beleaguered Geoff to do with the bit of manhood, but even the docs couldn’t put it back.
Amanda wrote a letter to the court later, trying to make herself seem a little less the psycho man-eating monster. In addition to expected remorse that all attorneys will instruct you to include, she also said that she never intended to harm Geoff, (hey, at least she didn’t chew) and that she was in no way a violent person. (Allowing for variables on the definition of the word “violent”.)
So what’s the carry-away here? A ball in the hand isn’t worth the bush? All the King’s doctors couldn’t put Humpty back together again? No, the moral of this story is that matter what she says, you are never going to be “just friends” with your ex… unless you wear a cup.