84 Responses to 702 – White Smoke Mountain • 70

  1. Portcullis. It’s like a door, only jailier.”





    Outstanding comic, dude.

    Also: First.

    • I swear, if this “first!” nonsense that infests some forums on the Net starts here, too, I’m going to engrave your screen name on a bullet. 👿 Only idiots with limp dicks feel the need to yell “first!” and hug themselves in the delusion that they’ve achieved something of worth. Go away.

        • Harsh? Christina just knows you have to strike hard at the first sign of corruption. And it might look like a trivial thing when it’s just one or two people spouting it, but it can spread rapidly(see below: Kevin’s already hooked on it!) then then refuses to die out.

          One of the best thing about DM of The Rings was how funny and interesting a lot of comments were, in addition to the comic itself. But somewhere after a few dozen strips people started saying “first!” and “#12!” etc, and it just wasn’t funny anymore(the comments, not the comic).

        • OTOH, she is right. This is pretty stupid, and it becomes boring when you have to scroll down “first!” “second!” “third!”… comments all the way.
          It can became bothering enough so that the moderator has to bans such comments, as happened in the Order of The Stick or DM of the rings

        • Rock wrote:
          “*winces* Have you had a bad experience? That was… rather harsh for a fairly trivial annoyance.”

          You can say that, yes. 😡 It’s no longer a trivial thing.

          Seriously, haven’t you noticed? It’s all over the place… on youtube, on forums, message boards, webcomic or vblog comments sections… idiots so eager to post the first comment just to be able to say “I’m first!” that often they don’t even take the time to read/watch the comic/blog/video that they’re supposed to be commenting on. So they waste bandwidth and everyone’s time with a useless comment. I know because some of them even boast about it, like, “First! And now I’ll go read the comic.”

          It’s like people smearing their names on the walls of public restrooms. I mean, why? Some of them are clearly trolls who do it to get people riled up, but the rest?

          I’ve been to forums where users who do the “first” stuff are banned without warning, because the forum rules forbid it. That’s how annoying it has become.

          I thought it was restricted to the English-language part of the Net, but now I see it starting up on German message boards, too. Probalby because most Germans below the age of 50 who surf the Net know English and teenagers pick up any “trend”, no matter how stupid or annoying.

          That said, Al Sohlstrom, I apologize for my outburst. I don’t know you personally, so you’re probably a perfectly decent person and not an internet troll.

      • Okay Al Sohlstrom, I think the takeaway here is that it’s perfectly fine to say how awesome the comic is, but I you mention what number poster you are, Christina will skewer your intellect, priaptic vigor, and sense of self. While I’d never tell you what to do, I personally have a policy against angering Christina, as I am not given to immolation.

        • Pfft. Everybody who willingly rides in a car secretly (or perhaps not-so-secretly) has a self-immolation fetish. The whole western world is Buddhist that way.
          Go for it Kevin, you only have your inhibitions, and your clothes, and your skin, and maybe some other organs, and your life to lose!

        • “priaptic vigor” 😆

          Is it bad that I even know what this means? I blame my education… a biology degree gives you a weird sense of humour. At least I didn’t study medicine.

          • Can I have a Periapt of Priapic Vigor?

            At least it’s priapic according to dictionary.com, it didn’t give me results for priaptic.
            And doesn’t it show something about humans that they have so many words to describe their genitalia?

            • Eh, I should’ve checked the spelling. English isn’t my native language.

              But yeah, priapism is nothing to joke about. And it sucks as a superpower.

              And now I can’t help but wonder, considering that the Thor movie is coming soon, what a movie about that Greek god they named the medical condition after would look like. 🙄 It probably wouldn’t be PG-13. I guess the poor guy wouldn’t be invited to become a member (pardon the pun) of the Avengers, either. No-one likes a giant prick. (I’m so going to hell for these puns, aren’t I?)

              You know, it could be hilarious, though. In the Edda, there’s this tongue-in-cheek joke that Thor’s hammer has a handle that is rather short. *cough* Perhaps Priapus could give Thor some pointers with the ladies. Someone has to fill the sex quota, now that they changed Loki from the sexy and sarcasic shapeshifting trickster guy of the Norse Edda who banged every female goddess in Asgard while the gods were busy beating up frost giants into this black-clad, tragic emo fangirl bait from the comics. Not that there is anything wrong with a black-clad, tragic emo fangirl bait Loki. 🙄 But I miss the irreverent trickster with the cunning tongue.

              Although come to think of it, what the other gods did to Loki and to Loki’s family near the end of the Edda was pretty sick, horrible and tragic, too. Yeesh. 🙁

              • The fault was with Kevin, as he gave the wrong term.

                I just like the “periapt of priapic” combination, not like I need it. 😳

                What does it say about all those gods that they preferred banging up giants(in a non-sexual manner, presumably) to banging their wives?

                And what medical condition named after a Greek god were you referring to? I always love to read on Wiki’ about how screwed up “God” made us, presumably in his perfect image, so we could enjoy out life on earth.

                • Priapism, a permanent woody, named after Priapos, the Greek god. (Who later became Bacchus under the Romans, when he lost his rock-hard three foot penis in favor of a wine jug.)

      • I think that I like Bunker better when he loosens up a little. Martin isn’t even smiling a devious smile like usual. He’s really enjoying this, isn’t he?

                  • I get a kick out of asking, “Since I wasn’t planning on hitting on you anyway why would I care or have any need to know?” whenever people admit they’re gay, or whatever.

                    • I do it mostly out of boredom*, really. I mean, I’m not actually gay, I’m bisexual, and I lean more towards women anyway, but that’s just so ordinary and boring.
                      That, and I love making gay jokes, like the above(I call it a joke), especially since I’m “one” and am allowed to by society’s PC rules.

                      But I don’t usually admit outright just for the hell of it, it usually comes out because I have a comment to say about this or that where I either have to outright say it to establish my point(like, “as a bisexual I think…”) or the point itself just outright says it(like “mmm…I’d take a bite out of William Moseley”).

                      So that’s me.

                      *Also as a creep-out factor against annoying teen-aged boys, especially in the past when playing MMO’s.

              • I play male characters 90% of the time, despite being biologically female. Most are heterosexual, some homosexual. I go with what feels right and fitting for the character.

                I’ve met one or two GMs or groups who were adamantly against cross-gender play, claiming that they’ve never met a woman who can play a convincing man (of whatever orientation), or a man who can play a convincing woman. (And you know what, fine, in some cases they’re right. We’ve all met guys playing double-D breasted females. But hey, depends on the genre, sometime gender stereotypes are funny, especially in a pulp adventure setting.)

                But in those instances I always like to point out it’s called “roleplaying”. Really, ask yourself, has anyone ever objected to gamers playing a human being from another culture or time period, or an elf, an undead, a werecrocodile or a member of a four-armed alien species with five genders who lays eggs? Of course not.

                • I have met DMs who felt this way as well. Although I pointed out that I’ve never met anyone capable of accurately portraying a ninety year old elven wizard either, and simply asked why it was more important that the portrayal be accurate than fun, I have yet to see a DM change his stance. I also have yet to see a DM who believed this who wasn’t in high school.

          • “A question just occurred to me… Are all the players in this game the same gender as their characters?”

            Except for Zobbie, it seems so.

  2. An epic-level sword lying around? The gamemaster should smell a rat at this point.

    Also, this proves that Mr. Unseen Dungeonmaster didn’t read the game module all the way through before he started the campaign but instead is, apparently, running scene by scene… turn the page… read the boxed text…. otherwise he would spot this second re-write of the module. Preparation, man!

    Itdoes fit with Mr. Unseen DM’s inability to modify or change an adventure module. He’s running it right off the page, even if something makes no sense. And his players know that.

    • Yup, he seems like a teenage beginner DM in that fashion.

      And on others, now that I think of it. Is our DM teenage? That’d explain a lot.

      • I doubt it, since Freya’s player is clearly a grown woman, and she has on several occasions threatened to withhold sex from her boyfriend the GM if he doesn’t allow her character to do what she wants. Like the class-change to monk. So he’s in all probability an adult, at least on paper.

        Not to mention, didn’t some of the comic’s characters mention driving a car?

        Even Zobbie, her sister, must be old enough to have moved away and now have moved back. Underage teenagers usually do not rent apartments (and I’m not sure, but British-style boarding schools, at least as public schools, are not that common in the US?). Wasn’t Zobbie a student or something?

  3. minor my ass, those vials contain miniature black holes don’t they?

    wheres a republican when we need one? someone needs to shut martin down before the earth is engulfed!

  4. This comic made me laugh out loud. I was at work, checking it out on my phone. I like my new phone, cause now I can look at this comic at work. Anyway, yay for new sword!

    • Thanks Tim. Bunker’s old sword, Homage, had a green hilt. As for this sword, the blade is golden-colored, which is what Bunker is actually talking about.

      • What’s the name of the new one?

        BTW, a thought occurred to me: When finding armor, aside from special cases like gnomes/halflings where I think the game actually says something, would you make the player first take the armor back to a decent blacksmith to re-size it to fit the new owner? Or do you wave your hand at the hassle, saying the previous owner was a perfect match for the new one?

        • At least in 2nd ed, armour magically resized itself for its wearer.

          I just kept that rule. Because really, not being able to use armour until you have some spare weeks and spare gold SUCKS.

          • Now that you mention it, I do recall some bullshit about it in when I was leafing through 4e.

            Can’t they just advise the DM to say “Oh, gee, looks like that tough, bigger-than-average goblin with the armor was also just your size!/In the goblin’s sack you find a blood stained armor(But luckily without all the gashes and dents you’d expect to see from all this blood. Really, it’s just soaked with it. I didn’t know people had so much blood. I’m gonna be sick!), and it looks like his previous victim was a perfect fit of you!” instead of giving the most unimaginative, suspension-of-disbelief-killing excuse?

              • I would think the whole point of such a game is to hold some grasp on reality, otherwise it’s just a weird dream and you don’t need to do anything other than proclaim “I do this!” and it’s done, and then what’s the point?
                There should always be a bit of realism in a game.

                • I’m just being cheeky. But I do think it’s funny sometimes to hear different people’s opinions of what breaks their suspension of disbelief in a game like D&D.

  5. It’s probally gold.
    Because Kevin treis to darken colors, accordingly, this one isnt darkened at all so its a light color. :>

  6. Poor Morty. He wanders around, confused and dazed, wondering what’s going on. He just doesn’t have the loot gene. Like Zobbie.