The Friday Blog
My arms, as they say, have gotten too short for me to read.
I have become a victim of Late Adult Onset Myopia, so called exclusively because of my age. If I were three years younger it would have been would have been regular old Adult Onset Myopia. Apparently I am now a late adult.
I have been having increasing difficulties working. Headaches, squinting, and my stupid eyes just hurt. Lena dragged me (I was not happy to go) to the local Pearlvision to get my eyeballs checked out. We booked their next earliest appointment, and came back five days later. I wasn’t thrilled about the delay, but then I wasn’t happy about being there at all, so I figured what the hell. While we were there they took three walk-ins. Fuckers.
Once the check-up started though, everything was fine. They were way sweet to me and the whole thing took about thirty minutes. I got to look at a very pretty and colorful picture of the insides of my eyes and the doctor assured me everything looked great there. That was kinda reassuring since there are all sorts of health problem they can detect in there.
Anyway, despite being nearsighted, my biggest problem was with reading up close. Far away stuff was still okay… though not quite as okay as it used to be. Not that long ago I supposedly had 20/15 vision, now my eyes were 20/20 and 20/30. (Left to right.) But I had always expected the vision to go eventually… and I think I look good in glasses, so still, it wasn’t really a disaster.
And then… it was time to pick out frames.
Fortunately, as a man, there is much less choice than women have. This seems true across the board, no matter what you’re shopping for. Honestly, I have no idea how women are ever able to make up their own minds about anything. Anyway… the cheapest frames (without lenses) were $140, and they went WAY up from there. I picked the lowest price frames I could find, and talked to the non-vision-impaired salesgirl. (Prescription in my hand for ten minutes, and already I’m feeling aggrieved by the “normal-sighted” world.) We talked for awhile about what I needed vs. what I wanted, I made a few cuts here and there, and we had fortunately shown up during one of their many two-for-one deals. The final price came in at $574.95.
I thanked her and walked out. (Oo! I totally should have said, “Good day, madam!” That would have been awesome.)
Anyway, I went home and started looking online. Lena had some friends that had bought their glasses online and had really liked the results. I found a place with lots of reviews and a good reputation, and then realized I was vastly under qualified to order my own glasses. What the hell did I know? Did I want progressives, bifocals, tints, transitions, polycarbonates, springframes, leaded or unleaded, paper or plastic… I had no idea. So I went to facebook to settle the issue.
Twenty four hours later I was far more confused than I had been before I had asked. Fucking facebook. Lena had a few questions she wanted to ask on my behalf the next time we happened by an optometrist’s office, and fortune put us at Costco the very next day. There we met a wonderful woman named Susan (names have been changed to protect the innocent — her real name was Sandy) who finally told me everything I needed to know to at least order the damn things, even though I won’t really know if they’ll be the right things for a few days after they arrive.
Which brings me to the point of all of this. My glasses are ordered, but probably still two weeks away from my head. I can still work without the headaches, but it requires Excedrine Migraine, at the least. Two blogs last week were several hours late because of this. (Last Friday was made even worse by the suicide squirrel.) While I don’t want to be medicating every day, I am trying to take the pills for as few days as I can and cram all the work into those days, and then go do something outside until my glasses arrive. With luck, this shouldn’t impact my schedule again.
One of the walk-ins at Pearlvision was an older lady in a bright pink outfit who had died her long, doubtlessly white hair matte black. She was there for ten minutes before they started giving her the exam, and she asked why they needed to look at her eyes when all she needed was a cellphone. They guided her next door to the AT&T store.
At least I can see better than that.