Dear Reverend DM
@TSED: Dear Rev. DM, how do tits control minds? Seriously. There has to be some sort of scientific / psychological breakthrough in there.
Boobies are a representation of the divine force of creation, and thus everything that is good and right and loving about our world. Those that would seek to cover the boobies are evil and unjust, and would cover our world, as our boobies, in darkness and flame. (Very sooty flame, so it can be on fire and dark at the same time.)
@Christina: Dear Rev. DM, how come I got standard human skeletons with rusty swords springing up when I sowed dragon teeth? Did I not water them enough with the blood of the innocent? Can you give me tips on how to demand a refund from the insane wizard who sold them to me, and survive in current shape and form?
why do so many professional arcane spellcasters, sooner or later, seem to go insane in various ways? Some of them merely grow long beards you could lose a family of stoats in (and smell as if that already happened) and shuffle around in carpet slippers all day looking for their spellbook, and have amusing spell malfunctions. Others call themselves Ming the Merciless, grow a goatee (if male) or dress in low-cut black gowns/bondage gear and wear their fingernails long (if female), and cackle maniacally while they set things on fire. With blue lightning.
Is it an occupational hazard? Is it the mercury fumes that rot their brains? The dark tomes of unspeakable alien lore that the Wizard Book Club keeps sending me? Or is it peer pressure? The wish to crush everyone who made fun of their glasses when they were fifteen with huge armies of undead slaves? Or is it because black robes never go out of style?
You got a bad batch of dragons’ teeth. Dragons’ teeth are grown almost entirely in one of three giant slaughterhouses in the midwest, and all the teeth are then sent to a central processing facility for final extraction, cleaning, and packaging. When you by a package of 106 teeth, the likelihood is great that they came from 106 different dragons, any one of which may have contained contaminants that now all your teeth have been exposed to. (Human skeletons can result from Skelmonella, E. skelli, or several other minor bacteriological contaminants.) There is a current recall of all dragons’ teeth between batches 20004873rt and 2002 734ft. The best way to ensure the quality of your dragon’s teeth is to purchase organic, locally produced teeth from a reputable vendor.
Typically wizards go insane from exposing their brains over and over again to the ravages of otherworldly intellects and energies, though it can also happen from eating a bad dragons’ tooth.
@anonymous coward: Dear Rev. DM, what were the best unusual lethal and non-lethal punishments you’ve come across to date?
Dear anonymous coward,
Posting the questions for a Dear Rev. DM blog hours before the answers.