643 – White Smoke Mountain • 12

The Wednesday Video

Why are corporate training videos so funny to me? I think it’s because the type of person who would consider this to be a legitimate form of educational theater is someone that nobody should want working for them.

The Mission of Southwest Airlines

The mission of Southwest Airlines is dedication to the highest quality of Customer Service delivered with a sense of warmth, friendliness, individual pride, and Company Spirit. No fatties.

(Warning: do not watch the entire video. It is over nine minutes long and seven days after watching it will cause the ghost of a little girl to climb out of a well and pee all over your carpet.)

29 Responses to 643 – White Smoke Mountain • 12

  1. Whoa, I was born in the eighties but this is almost a time tunnel to that moment in history!

    Flat-tops! Curly hair! Other 80’s hairstyles! (except the Jheri Curl…)

    Badly sung rap! And more white rappers like Vanilla Ice (before that poser of Eminem came in…)!

    Not to mention the CEO is going “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!” as if it were the frickin’ Kool-Aid man!

    And let’s not forget; zany fun! Because schadenfreude and sarcasm are so 90’s…

    So, I saw it completely. I don’t have a carpet…well, maybe a bath carpet, but that’s constantly humid. Does the little girl climbs out of a U.S. well and travels by the ocean to reach my destination, since there are only wellsprings here, or does she consider septic tanks as “wells”?

    Wait…I think she travels in Southwest Airlines. Oh well, so much for ocean barriers…

  2. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! See that’s why I keep coming back here. I think I have a strong stomach but Kevin always finds something to horrify me past the point of no return. Also who is the hottie in the back who supposedly works tech support at 1:44? Obviously she is a spy for Pan Am. They still existed then right?

  3. should also mention only whites and maybe a few blacks allowed, this lack of color makes my stomach turn

    seriously I might be white but when I see crowds of 90%+ whites only I feel physically ill

    does that mean I have been “conditioned”? o.O??

    • It’s hard to unsee what you’ve already seen. Maybe “opening your eyes” is synonymous with “conditioned”, I don’t know. But regardless, I’d say it only speaks well of you.

    • you might want to stay away from Iceland then, what with it’s 90%+ white population.

      I want to consider myself non-racist, but with so little interaction with other races beyond tourists, it’s hard to tell. I have however made friends with the few I’ve met that wasn’t just in passing, so maybe I’m not so bad(I hope)

  4. Didn’t even watch an entire minute.
    And I believe that anyone who is surprised by the fact that videos like this get made and distributed across entire corporate empires is disregarding one very important fact: The upper management of pretty much every large company is not very bright, and they think that nearly everybody who works for them must be even dumber than they are.
    To be fair, they are at least partially right about that last bit.

      • I became a consultant, in part, to make sure to avoid videos like that and here you’ve shown me one.
        So no sir, I am definitely not cool right now. I am rattled, possibly even feeling the slightest bit vengeful. It would be bad form to rickroll you or worse so I don’t plan on doing anything like that, but dude, not cool!

  5. Thank Jebus my job did not have a promotional training video! I work for lawyers though so I guess that makes me one of the smuarrt ones.

    Another thing, there are however training videos about my job that are shown to the rest of the business but neither I or my team actually participate in them – it is amazing how training works, it’s like magic!

  6. I think videos like this are designed to “weed out” anyone with any shred of intellect or good taste, who will run screaming into the night after 30 or so seconds of such drek.

  7. Well, as someone who spent over 15 years of my life in Cubicle Hell (shiver) in corporate America, this didn’t really phase me at all. I’ve seen lots of these type videos in my time, and I have to say, I think y’all “got it wrong”. Is it silly? Yes. Is it stupid? Yes. Is it meant to be that way? YES! That’s the WHOLE POINT people. Sheesh. New employee training can easily run several days in some corporations. Long hours of benefits descriptions, corporate expectations, and (in my case) some actual “experienced programmer training” (i.e. how we do it here as opposed to the last place you worked). In the midst of all that seriousness, you need a break. That’s what these are for – to give your brain some sugar-smack for a few minutes.

      • Yes, exactly. In fact, Henson Associates (the Muppet people) did quite well making a bunch of these type videos starting in 1965 with some they did for IBM. I’ve seen a bunch of these myself – they are hilarious – more so if your brain is about to short circuit from corporate blah-blah-blah. Sure, Southwest could have done a better job with production or hired the Henson folks, but the idea is the same.

        Link for detail on the Henson films: http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Muppet_Meeting_Films

        • I have much to look forward to! I have only 1 year in the corporate bucket! I should start making a mantage of training videos so when I die I can show it as a training video of what corporate taught me. 😀

          • Instead of making a montage of what corporate tried to teach you, make one of what you actually learned from your captors. It may be shorter, but it’ll be WAY more useful.

  8. I heard that higher ups who tend to be older have trouble connecting with there younger newer employees, its a generation gap thing. This might be what they hope fills said gap but everyone knows what happens when a old guy tries to act “cool” but THIS stuff is what happens when you have lots of resources and money…

  9. oww my poor brain just oww I think after 20 seconds my brain was starting to run out my ears. its videos like this that make me loath being born in the 80’s

  10. That was horrible! I don’t know which is worse, that it’s not the worst I’ve ever come across on the internet, or that it’s almost enjoyable compared to some of the things I’ve come across. So instead I’m gonna talk about the comic.

    hee hee hee *waits in anticipation of wonderful, wonderful carnage to come*