628 – Prep Work • 11

The Wednesday Video

People ask me why I do this. “What do you get out of it?” they cry, pointing to the stacks of no money lying around my house. The truth is I do it for you. When the world turns it’s back, I’m here for you. (Unless you want money or to move in with me or store your cats here or anything like that. Then I’m probably busy being there for someone else.)

This video will save you piles of cash. That’s just the kind of guy I am.

24 Responses to 628 – Prep Work • 11

  1. It worked! I have all kinds of cool gadgets now. But the monster… he can’t be killed… he just hides in my house now, waiting for me to sleep. Every night he comes out to eat me and after awhile the marshmallows aren’t enough. Lately I have to shoot him till he hides in the wall… I’ve sold all the gizmos on craigslist for marshmallows and bullets. And I’m almost out of bullets:( I need another hack!

    • Step 1: take out life insurance on a grandparent or the like whose time is near.

      Step 2: Put bullets AND marshmellows in a jar. A lot of them, don’t skimp out here. This is IMPORTANT.

      Step 3: Place the jar in the VCR.

      Step 4: Give the VCR to your grandparents.

      Step 5: The monster, having slain someone with blood relating to the defiling of his sworn VCR-home, views his duties as complete and becomes a stereotypical narutard. You gain life insurance money. An aging relative is put out of his misery. And best of all, if you pretend to like the newly formed narutard he will probably buy you presents in a desperate attempt to convince himself he has social skills.

      Also, on the very slight chance that it’s a female monster, she’ll be both really hot AND easy. She’ll have a horrible personality though – backstabber to the core. Watch out for that.

    • These comments sound even more surreal when you read them before watching the actual video clip. 😯

      Try a home-made flamethrower, man. Kill it with fire!

  2. As for the comic: Did Martin just put his hand on Violet’s hip? I hope Violet breaks all his fingers.
    On the other hand, maybe she likes it. 🙄
    Or maybe Orktongue, Hero of the People, will see this as violation of her recently-marked territory and break the naughty warlock in half. 😉
    Somehow I can’t see Bunker caring enough to defend his “wife’s” honor.

      • Seriously, Enkidu would want to be in the same bed as Captain Withered McShnozz? I thought he/she completely wasn’t interested in men, even the girly-skinny wizardly ones.
        The real question is if Fleece cares, this one might be possessive of Martin.

  3. Kevin I don’t get what Martin is doing in the first panel. Is he trying to eat the food with his eyes closed? Some sort of amusing game? Is it like touching your nose with your finger after consuming far too many alcoholic beverages?

    • Chris, the first panel is a reference to Firefly. Go watch it, there is only 1 season sadly, but it is amazing.

    • The food in question is called an “ice planet” and is a sugary treat tied to the end of a stick with a longish string. (It is indeed a Firefly reference.) It is very difficult to eat without using your hands unless you know the “trick”. (Swing it in circles until the string is totally wrapped around the stick, and the treat part can no longer move.)

      • Cool! I have heard of the greatness that was once (still is?) Firefly. I saw 1 episode, but I don’t really watch tv. I did see the movie based on Firefly.

  4. That video reminded me of this one

    And one disturbing thought occured to me. Enkidus snout is protruding a fair bit from his face. So I’m wondering, if he/she isn’t actually making more contact with the snout than with the tongue when, well, you know…I’ll just go and have a lie-down.

  5. The video got me wondering what I might find inside other appliances around the house. A Macbook hidden inside my freezer? A digital camera inside my old picture-tube television? What next?

  6. I broke open an old computer and found a complete set of Hustler magazines. Now that I don’t have to surf for porn anymore I’ve got more time to read and catch up on my many web comics!

  7. I would reply but I have to run out and buy up all the spare VCR’s at my local pawn shop. $5 should cover it.

  8. I wonder why there isn’t more troll porn on the interwebs…. I’ve noticed a disturbing lack.

    The food IS problematic.

  9. Actually, if ugliness is half of her parentage, the other has to be of lighting beauty. Because she’s already in the beautiful side.