If you have a question for Dear DM, please ask it in the comments section below, and it’ll be answered next week!
@TSED: Dear DM, do you remember your days as a college ‘chef’? I just enjoyed a peanut butter and mustard sandwich (seriouslyenjoyed), and I became curious if you created and culinary equivalents in your time. Do share!
I certainly do! Let’s see… there was Ramen and Veg-all, cream-of-anything-handy soup… which once included a can of tuna fish, peanut butter and sardine sandwiches, Lipton Iced Tea-flavored beer, and hot mac and cheese. (Mixed up with pieces of leftover “nuclear” hot wings from the bar the night before.)
@ErinG: Dear DM, I am sixteen years old and play a sorceress in our D&D game, and my DM won’t stop making everything about my character’s sex. Nobody ever pays any attention to me, but everyone flirts with my character! What do I do?
@Aikidrake: Dear DM, if there is not currently a Cthulhu-like cult of worship, I’d like to start one. I’d also like my devotion noted should I ever have the good fortune of being a part of one of your games…
The Esoteric Order of Dagon worshipped Cthulhu as well as Dagon and Mother Hydra, but they all turned into fish. Other Cthulhu cults pretty much center around waking him up as soon as the stars become right for him to live again… which I am already doing. No, I think I’d rather base my own worship on the Church of Starry Wisdom, where my worshippers grant me fantastic sacrifices in exchange for my infinite wisdom. That seems way more appropriate to me. 😉
@Cubby4bear: Is Martin gay?
@AngryforChrist, Dear DM, Why do you hate Christians?
I don’t. In fact, I admire their whimsical imaginations.
@Alan: Dear DM, when doing stuff that isn’t in the rulebooks, such as acrobatics, chemical stuff, and other oddball stuff that players come up with based on some madcap idea, something they saw in a film etc, how do you resolve that to be fair, but also not violate the laws of physics?
There are two questions I want to answer here. First, the question you actually asked. If a player wants to do something crazy that wouldn’t work at all in the real world, I ask myself (as I’ve mentioned before) “Will this hurt my game?” If the answer, as it almost always is, is no, then I ask myself, “Is this fun?” Again, if it’s crazy and the player is going to have fun with it… well this pretty much answers itself. As a DM you want to entertain yourself and your players and create memorable play. You are under no obligation to entertain gravity, chemistry, or physics.
The second part of this is when your players outclass you in some specific area of knowledge that becomes pertinent to your game. Now if you have created some kind of horrible meteorological faux pas and your player who had to take advanced meteorology courses to qualify for his highly paid position in the Navy calls your ass on it, you have two options. One, tell him that he is obviously on the trail of some greater mystery and run home and read everything you can on weather systems in lowland burn conditions… or you can thank him for his input, but remind him that this is just a game and it really doesn’t matter. Kind of depends on whether you’ve already written the next week’s adventure.
@Rolandpanda: Dear DM, there is a player in my game who is, frankly, too smart. He always knows what’s going to happen and what to do next, and while it’s nice occasionally, no one else ever gets to figure anything out because this guy is always right. He’s not an asshole or anything about it, but still it’s getting old. What would you do?
I would probably try to get ErinG to sit naked on his lap while he played. Let’s see him concentrate on the game then!