Okay. So, here is the deal. Kevin’s wrists are bothering him and I forbade him to be on the computer this weekend at all — cause that’s what kind of power I have on Birthday Month. Boo-yah. So, now he’s all sullen and whiney about not being able to get on the computer. When he didn’t get up at a timely hour this a.m. I went to check on him. He said “What’s the point?” — referring to having no computer access. Geez. I told him he could turn on his ipod.
Anyway, because I am so awesome (and kinda responsible) I told him I would answer his “Dear DM” questions for Monday.
What is Chorka ?
Answer from the comments via Kevin last week: “Chorka is the name of the “snow polar bear” that Bunker and Freya went off into the woods looking for. You will get a much more satisfactory answer to this question next monday.”
Answer from Lena. No. You won’t.
What is Chorka ?
I felt guilty for not answering you in more depth. Chorka is the name of the “snow polar bear” that Bunker and Freya went off into the woods looking for.
What was the best (Non-touching-in-special-place) present you had this year?
It was the Ultimate Avengers Blu-Ray that I bought him. This is not to be confused with the inferior “Director’s Cut” Avengers. I know it’s inferior because there was a lot (A LOT) of not so subtle hinting going on before Christmas. I found out that “Ultimate” is at least 8 hours longer than the substandard other versions. Other than that I couldn’t really tell much difference between that and the version we saw in the theatre. Actually, that’s not true. There is this scene about 5.5 hours in where the slutty chick’s daughter is in her civilian clothes walking across some city someplace doing something and you can really tell how cute her shoes are.
[EDIT] Kevin says the movie was Watchman, NOT Avengers. But, whatever. They are so close.
What was your worst (touching-in-a-special-place) present you had during the previous decade?
This question would have been a lot easier if you has asked for “best” instead of worse. And even easier if it had anything to do with D&D. Unless this is about a D&D present. In which case it’s probably some crappy unpainted miniatures or lop sided dice or some gaming books. I mean, who would want any of that crap, right?
Kevin has admitted to me that 10 years ago upon opening his Christmas presents he thought “Do you even KNOW me?” Apparently I sucked that year. Although, he can’t recall what any of the presents were. Maybe they were cleaning products and toilet brushes. A girl can dream, right?
It appears my players enjoy being railroaded along the story (which is ludicrous, ridiculous, and a little silly), and not really the whole ‘playing’ part. Is there any system that might help make the games more enjoyable to them as compared to D&D ? Proof reading and poetry nights are not valid answers.
All RPG systems suck equally. One isn’t any better than another. They all have complex systems that were obviously devised by boys. There’s all these sheets and complicated dice structures. None of the character sheets are pretty or scented. And, you have to do all your “shopping” when you aren’t playing. WTF? They are actually devised to make you THINK about the game when you aren’t sitting at the gaming table.
So, now that you understand that the game isn’t the problem you can focus on what REALLY IS the problem. It’s either you or the players or some combination of both. If it’s one or more of the players you can just kill them off for not paying attention to the story. “Gosh Jim, if you’d taken your time to bother listening to the storyline, you could have figured out how to step around that land mine. Sorry dude. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. OR you can roll up a mushroom or some other kind of fungus for your next character.”
What you REALLY want here is for the problem to be you. If you are the problem, you can fix it. Listen to the players. What parts of the game do they enjoy? Did they particularly perk up when you ran them through the land of the big-tittied-nymphos? Maybe you need more boobies. You could put maps and clues on the boobies. Yeah. Do that. Put all the clues and story arcs on boobies.
Wait. Do you have female players? Put the clues on penises or shoes. Or chocolate. Oooo! Or fairies. Make all the answers come to them in the night via little fairies – with tiny little shoes and miniature cupcakes. OMG. So cute! And make sure the cupcakes are magic. And have something even cuter inside of them like even tinier shoes!
What is Chorka ?
Okay, I don’t really know what Chorka is. I had to google it. I assumed it was some obscure ancient god from the 14 1/2 level of hell — because that’s the way Kevin rolls. But instead I found out after a thorough google search that is it some kind of nolid moth that shits in the woods — except it should be spelled “chora”. So, probably Kevin spelled it wrong. Or he was trying to combine Orka (the man eating shark whale) with “Chora” the moth that shits in the woods and came up with a bear from the same cold waters that Orka comes from.
I hate this campaign.
I know, right?