596 – Chorka • 05


Time for the Wednesday video!

One of my wife’s friends had a husband that I tried (unsuccessfully) to strike up a friendship of my own with. It seemed like a good idea since the women were such close buds, and I wanted to encourage Lena to get out more. But it was not to be. He was loud and abrasive, which I can occasionally deal with, but he was also kind of… (somebody help me here – what’s a nice word for “stupid”?) a dumbass. He knew as little as was possible about the world around him and actively resisted learning anything more. I don’t know, maybe he felt like knowledge was some form of contaminant.

In any case, we were all mutual friends with another couple, and the husband in that couple (we’ll call him Tweedledee) was always after the Dumbass to take him fishing with his brothers. But Dumbass would never take Tweedledee fishing. Tweedledee, being who he was, never stopped asking, and Dumbass’ wife eventually told Lena that it was because Dumbass considered Tweedledee to be “too dumb to fish.”

Too dumb to fish.

That has always stuck with me, and throughout the years I’ve often wondered precisely what it meant. I mean, too dumb to fish has got to be pretty goddamn dumb, right? Well behold the answer: Cable Fishing Shows.

27 Responses to 596 – Chorka • 05

  1. Wait, what’s a black Australian singing swan doing in North America? Eh, it was probably a lake in a park.
    In other news, Bunker is obviously like one of those Kung-Fu martial arts movie characters: He needs to get beaten up by the bad guy first to trigger his ass-kicking powers. 😉
    D&D: where you can fight with 1 hp left, and no wound no matter how ugly will ever result in a chronic crippling injury.

    I nearly didn’t recognize Bunker without his helmet on. I concluded that it must be him because how many guys with a sword stuck in their hand can there be in the vicinity?

    At least he didnt break Swill’s nose. And now Swilly has a great opportunity to get another gold tooth. 😆

    • Here it is, 90% of shonen for you:
      Rule number 1: You must train to become stronger, and you’ll become waaaay stronger (10x on average) that you were before
      Rule Number 2: Your ennemy will still be stronger
      Rule number 3: When beaten like crap, you’ll reveal yet another level of power and beat the guy
      Rule number 4: Next ennemy will be strong enough to defeat the previous one without breakin a sweat.

      And yeah, always loved that 1HP bit (although, to be fair, it happens in other RPGs, like CoC) 😆

      • @Vincent: These are Bunker’s rules of Shonen too? What a pain for the hero! It would be SO much easier if they could reveal that last level of asskickery without getting the crap beaten out of them. (But clearly that would never work.)

        @Christina: It’s just a long dagger stuck through his fist and up into his forearm. He’s fine. And I attack people in real life all the time with only one hit point to my name. The trick is to use a car.

        • Kevin: There’s also the Naruto’s rule of kick-assery, which replaces rules number 3 in most cases, and is:
          “The one who has the more tricks left wins”.
          The implicit being that the first attack made against an opponent in a given battle, no matter how powerful, always fail.

          I’d also point to to this sadly defunct webcomic: http://www.rpgworldcomic.com/d/20000827.html
          It showcases funnily some tropes of MMORPGs

      • Yeah but with 1 hp in Call of Cthulhu, you’re unconscious and dying.
        Yeah well hps are not terribly realistic. We’re stuck with them in most systems. Although you can still make injuries to characters appear horrible without thousands of critical hit tables like i.e. in Spacemaster. In that respect, I love the damage system from Unknown Armies, where only the gamemaster knows how much damage each character took and how many hps he has left, and the GM is supposed to describe each injury not in terms of hp but in terms of, well, an actual painful injury. Of course, Unknown Armies is a system designed specifically for stories set in the Modern (Supernatural) Horror genre, not for Pulp Action or Heroic Fantasy adventures, meaning combat is dangerous and guns are deadly. The rulebook even devotes a chapter to pointing out that Unknown Armies isn’t supposed to be the kind of game where characters are expected to run headlong into combat, and that smart people try to avoid combat and are not afraid to retreat. Of course, it also provides quick-n-dirty rules for shoots-outs and car chases (and crashes), because shit happens all the time when you mix modern urban corruption with the Occult Underground.

  2. Hmm… did the movie post drop because I see no video. — oh there it is! Ha! Lol.

    On a side note you clearly did not provide propper MAN mannerisms that would allow a suitable environment for other men to interact with each other. By trying to discuss these Worldy subjects of relevance and value you placed said MAN into a position of possible hostility, as it is every man’s duty to punch the lights out of anyone that clashes with your values who is not a friend (we all know this), so by simply trying to deviate from the conversation He was actually being polite and trying to not get into a defensive situation.
    In order to reach said expectations to communicate anything relevant and of value one must first provide the propper MAN mannerisms to show that there is no dominance and both are of equal stance, as to diffuse any machoisms.
    1st. you need Beer, not just any beer but dirt cheap un-flavorful beer that is mass marketed on major sport networks. If you use a decent beer you could incite aggression as you have knowledge of something they don’t understand. Because cheap beer tastes like water you are less likely to offer a beer they do not like as well. It is the act of providing BEER that is important.
    2nd. Do not by any means say anything longer than ten words, this could impose that you are Learned and demonstrate prowess of knowledge, one of the most easily made mistakes most people make. Use suitable grunts and relations to sports and heavy machinery to make your point, use women only when they are not around as to keep yourself from looking stupid.
    3rd. Only after the 4th interaction and after the 3rd neutral television program event (sports, women, cars… etc..) should you try to start a relevant useful conversation, but only 1 on 1 so as not to impose on other building relationships. Be understanding, and SLOW to build, and eventually He to will understand that a book is not just useful for being a coaster.

    Have faith!

  3. Meanwhile, Vorpine is still struggling into his trousers…

    He’s a cleric (or ex-cleric?), so he’s probably more used to wearing robes. Yeah that must be it. And not the fact that he’s a brazen coward.

  4. Adrenaline also makes you able to take alot of pain and still keep going. But once it wears off you are going to feel it. big time.

  5. That video was f-ing hilarious. My grandpa was a fisherman, and a smart man, but it’s not like it’s a very hard sport. You pretty much get up ass early in the morning, sit in a boat, drink beer, and sit in a boat. Then you go home and tell your wife how big the one that got away was. My grandpa actually spent his time catching fish instead of drinking beer, but like I said, he was a smart man, not your average jackass with a fishing rod. That guy in the video? Grade A jackass. I hope most of the shows he puts out actually work out for him, cause otherwise his show needs to be cancelled.

    As for Bunker, well I guess I gotta give him props for decking Swills with a dagger stuck up to the hilt in his hand. That’s gotta sting a bit. Nice to see Freya has some respect for the leader of the group. That’s kinda rare in D&D.

  6. OK, so that video showed some top-notch stupidity. Keep in mind that he DOES fish. So that begs the question… can you REALLY be too stupid to fish?

    I have been quietly reading your content for well over a year, probably at least 2 but I dunno since time flies for me this decade. I did enjoy the comic of days gone by and do read your column on most days now. I am a former D&D player of THE ORIGINAL generation when characters were simple and battles did not take 37 hours to determine that you hit the monster on the left toe, severing it and forcing the monster to lean more to the right. Simple minds, simple pleasures.

    • I started with Blue Box myself, and I’d love to be able to experience it again, the way I did for the first time. However, in my older, wiser, and more cynical current state, I can say without hesitation that it’s a much better game today than it was then.

      (Glad to have you around!)

  7. What I love in this video is how they are utterly incapable of predicting the next instant… especially when devilish contraptions such as a boat motor is involved.

    Mind you, 90% the scars I have are due to very stupid causes which, in retrospect, were bound to happen but that was during the tender age of 8 – 14 which they have passed long ago.

      • Adding to the “1hp-remaining” and other wierd rules discussion:

        I am not an expert on current D&D rules but I imagine playing games such as Neverwinter Nights 1 & 2 and having played AD&D2 in the past give me a good general idea.

        As I guess Swillsberne’s daggers have at least a little enchantment on them (+S for this argument) and I believe fighters are proefficient with any kind of weapon, does it means Swillsberne not only gave away all his weapons but is now being pummeled by a +S pommel ?