593 – Chorka • 02

593 - Who shits in the woods?

It’s time for the Wednesday video!

I have made fun of these folks before, but they have something (sort of) new out on the YouTubes, and I thought I’d share. The song is long, boring, and very poorly sung, but when you’ve had your fill, instead of just stopping it, I’d suggest advancing to the 4:57 mark and watching from there. It’s a real kick in the jimmies.

On the one hand it would be easy to say that these folks have sort of missed the point of their religion. On the other hand, they really are following the bible. It’s just that while most Christians throw out the mean bits and keep the nicey-nice parts, these folks have thrown out the kissy-face stuff and kept the horror-show crap.

Welcome to the birth of the American Taliban.

46 Responses to 593 – Chorka • 02

  1. Have you seen that little Girls Smile after she sung her line?!? She’s the Devil, and she knows she has won !!!

  2. WTF?! Swilsberne is back? Standing behind the bush with a pooping midget?? While Enkidu gives Violet a happy belly in the middle of the street and Zobie plays with her man parts???
    You, Mr. Pettway, have clearly lost your sanity. And mine, for that matter.

    About the God Hates Us All part, I was already aware. What with all the capitalism and everything, it’s pretty obvious.

  3. Usually, when WBC’s sad antics are displayed in front of me, I just shake my head and move on past, but…
    This video says one thing: “Look at us! We’re warping children!” It’s disturbing enough that people will pay attention (hey, you did, didn’t you!), and give them some kind of validation for their miserable existence.

    • I think it’s dangerous not to pay attention to violently deranged people, but other than validation as “violently deranged”, I don’t think they’re getting much cred here.

    • Having seen interviews with these folks before I know that the kid at the end was added with the calculation that she would really upset people. Which is kind of what I don’t get about these folks. They KNOW that their antics only drive people further away from them, so why do it? They seem so self-defeating.

      Wait. I forgot the crazy.

      • fearful.

        The more they are different and the more others “hate” them (and they hate others) then the more they Must be right.

        I wonder what is going to happen when they get to meet their God?
        Will they treat said being with the same hate they have for everyone else? (especially given their “truth” is one commercialised brand of religion…)

        • Well, I happen to know exactly what is going to happen to them when they die, but playing along, no, they certainly wouldn’t hate god the way they hate everyone else. Hate, love, all your emotions and personality are stored chemically in your brain. Your soul has no brain, thus no hate and no personality.

  4. dude those people need to get a fucking enema(who knows they just might like it). that little girl is going to be so brainwashed when she grows up its not even funny.its sad to say that first amendment rights apply even to them . so they can say what they want to .but dont they know that religious fundamentalism has caused so many problems over the centuries including but not limited to genocide of entire nations? and its all in the name of god or allah or yaweh. people like that scare me because im afraid that they could take their message to the next lvl.weve all seen just what a few “religious nutbags” are capable of doing. the reason that they attract negative attention is publicity. even bad publicity is a great way to get your message out. for every 1000 people that denounce you there is maybe 1 that will listen and thats what they are banking on .and they are probably using that little girl for just that reason.

    • “but dont they know that religious fundamentalism has caused so many problems over the centuries including but not limited to genocide of entire nations?”

      The thing is, the religious fundamentalists don’t see genocide of entire nations as a “problem.” It’s exactly what they want – the destruction of the sinner/infidel/homosexual/webcomic artist/etc. Because god tells them so.

      • This is IMO the biggest problem with revealed religions (I dunno if this is the term in english). All your commandments and all are supposed to come directly from God himself, so there’s no saying “fuck of”, as this’d be going against god’s will.

        • I happened upon a burning bush recently… at least burning plant material carefully dried, crushed and rolled… and I’m sure I heard the Word of God revealed before me, commanding that I lead my people to a promised land of (let’s say) drugs, alcohol, fried food and loose women. When it happens to me, I’m a nut. When it happens to Moses, he is the divine Prophet of God. How does that work?

          • They say when you talk to God then you are pious. When God talks to you you are crazy.
            (yet to be disproven)

    • Okay, let’s say I am a believer. I am going to live on this earth for seventy-some-odd years. It says in the Bible that I am supposed to kill by stoning anyone who eats shrimp. Now, the worst anyone in this life can do to me is to either A) toss me in jail, which even for the rest of my life is an infinitesimal blip compared to the amount of time I’ll spend in heaven for capping that dirty shrimp-eater. Or B) they can send me straight to heaven now.

      Where’s the downside?

      Exactly similar to a person who would fly a plane into a building because god promised them 72 crystal raisins. (NOT virgins… terrorist wannabes take note.) The only real difference between their crazies and our crazies is the separation of church and state, which promises real-world consequences no matter who’s dumbass god you listen to.

      Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that these guys (probably) haven’t killed anyone yet. But if they ever do, I’ll be even happier to see them all shipped off to federal fuck you in the ass prison.

      (What Ron, god hates webcomics too? Man, that guy should see a therapist.)

      When it happens to me, I’m a nut. When it happens to Moses, he is the divine Prophet of God. How does that work?

      Because the Moses of the bible was a fictional character. But who cares? I’ll follow you!

      • I always liked Achmed the dead terrorist’s take on the 72 virgins:
        Achmed: “Wait if I’m dead that means I get my 72 virgins… Are you my virgins?… I hope not.”
        Jeff: “why?”
        Achmed: “There’s a bunch of ugly ass guys out there. If this is paradise, I’ve been screwed.”
        Jeff: “Well did they say it would be only female virgins?”
        Achmed: “Holy crap”

  5. By their own text, God hates them too. Thus they claim (sing) they too will spend eternity in hell; why do they seem so happy about this.

    I know Kevin, you already told us “They’re crazy.”

  6. I like the take on religion in the movie The Kingdom of Heaven. If you haven’t seen it, do so. Good flick. Long though, so be prepared for that. I’d quote something but it’s been too long since I saw that flick. Have to go remedy that.

    • I saw it, but it was a while ago. All I really remember now is… hunh? Isn’t he just a blacksmith? If you don’t mind, refresh us all on what it is you mean.

      • Still didn’t get a chance to watch it again yet, but I’ll try to see if I recall what I wanted to say. I remember a conversation in which Balian was talking to a friend who was a knight/monk. That guy told him basically that religion is crap. Being close to god and doing what you think god would want you to do is what matters. Then there was a scene where Balian was sitting in the desert and bitching about how god doesn’t listen to him. He throws a rock, it hits another and sparks next to a dried out bush and the bush bursts into flames. “There’s your god.” He says. I just really like that look at religion, based in a time when religion was more pervasive in life than it is now. Way more. It seems like the closer you are to religion the more likely you are to think it’s all shite. At least for me.

        • Ah, the old “be a good person” theory. Unfortunately most Christian sects hold that no matter how “good” you are, you’re still going to hell unless you’re one of them. Heh, I just had an entertaining thought. What if religion A’s hell is the same as religion B’s heaven? (An eternity of singing god’s praises sounds like hell to me.) That way they both get to be right. I want to not belong to the religion who’s hell has big screen TVs and chicken wings!

  7. Hurray, Swillsberne’s nose is back! (And the rest of Swillsberne, too.)
    And…. oh dear… awkward. I hope they’re weren’t doing what I think they were doing. 😯

    That can’t be “god-slayer” Vorpine. Vorpine was bigger… I mean, taller. And able to afford trousers that don’t fall off. Yes, I’m in denial.

    (For a moment, just a moment, I thought panel 4 was Martin, indecently molesting a keebler elf. huh.)

    • The Pope was shitting in the woods.

      I was trying to make Bunker look bigger by comparison, and for Vorpine to be all hunched over, but I may have overdone it. Sorry.

  8. The video is certainly disturbing, I’m thinking that they’ve approached Christianity with the same accuracy as “300” approaches historical accuracy (whereas they kept the bits they liked, cut out the bits they didn’t, added monster people and then smothered it in sex) Not to say that 300 wasn’t a pretty cool movie…

  9. Well, the people vorpine hangs out with, and probably vorpine himself should be able to resurrect swill if he is downed. I’m not too surprised. I mean the heroes had to get morty resurrected a few times already I believe.

    • Yeah but Morty ended up as a troll!

      And, while I understand that Vorpine is still Pope despite the goddess Berel being dead (Vorpine probably simply didn’t tell anyone), shouldn’t Vorpine and all the other clerics of Berel have lost their clerical magic powers? So no more resurrections. Unless Vorpine simply worships himself now. (Technically, at least in 3E, clerics could follow a “cause” or philosophy instead of a deity, very Planescape-esque, but I doubt that “Vorpine’s big ego” counts as a worthy cause.) 😉

  10. @ 4:36


    …on a more related note, I’m not actually Canadian, and that poor little girl will never get to experience the joy that is life and will grow up with a Nazi understanding of life.

    And what ever happened to just quietly sitting on a corner street with a “Your DOOM is Nigh!” sign like the rest of us. This song only creates confusing messages and makes them look like idiots, I mean it looks like they are Happy!!! to be singing about Doom, which is actually a rather miserable and scary subject… they only serve those little stale hotdog wrap things at the events.

    …someone should throw a heavy old Book at them, multiple times, using multiple versions untill they get the correct message.

  11. That WBC is a sad, sick bunch of hypocrites. Thier own song even theologically contradicts itself and makes no sense at all. It’s like they’re totally denying everything that’s in the bible because some guy told them that it means something else. I mean, isn’t that what Satan does? “Proud Sinner”? Jeez, look who’s talking! I’m sure the God of Love, Forgiveness, and Peace is just all into hating the world and all it’s people. I feel bad for that poor little girl. She obviously has no inkling of the meaning of the words she’s singing- and it’s obvious her parents don’t either. Believing something while leaving the mind in neutral is truly pathetic. Teaching without understanding is just criminal propogation of ignorance.

    They had one thing right- there is evil in the word. We just saw a 5 1/2 minute video of exactly what it looks like.

  12. *face palm*
    To quote a homeless carpenter, “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.” That doesn’t make it right, however.
    This year, like every year, I am celebrating his birthday, whenever it was, and struggle, as I do every year, to make the world just a little bit brighter.
    I can do no more. I would do no less.

    • Dude, Jesus might have been trained as a carpenter, but he clearly was not one, otherwise he would not have been homeless. He would have had a job, a house, and been a productive member of society, instead of being a philosopher-hobo.

      • *shrug*
        Whatever his societal status in life, he did build something that still stands today. Some of the timbers may be rotten *points at above video*, but it provides me, and others, a foundation to live a life that tries to help others. Whatever my true fate upon leaving this world, his words as recorded have provided comfort and strength to carry on.
        Merry Christmas, Kevin.