578 – Gorch • 05


For you… not one, but two episodes of one of the best new animated superhero show evar.* (Okay, the embedding is disabled so you’ll have to click the links. But believe me, it’s worth it.)

The Dark Knight Meets Superman: Part I

The Dark Knight Meets Superman: Part II

*”Best new animated superhero shows”… given my extremely high threshold for stupidity and very low bar for what I consider entertainment. So have fun!

38 Responses to 578 – Gorch • 05

      • I can see the gesturing as though holding an elephant-gun intent here but I will be disappointed if (when) it turns out he didn’t get hit by Violet for groping her in the next comic.

        ….By Bunker, who then gets ravished on the spot as reward? It’s almost an anime plot except someone actually gets laid.

        • Martin really is pantomiming a gun, it’s just unfortunate that Violet happens to be standing right there. He’s not even looking at her. (Unless this is the opening move in larger plot of his. You never can tell!)

  1. You’re not even trying on this rickrolling Kev, you actually warned me away so there’s no way I’m gonna watch.

    • Believe it or not, I have very little interest in forcing you to watch something that you’re just going to complain about to me later, especially something that you only decide not to enjoy because you think it makes you seem cooler. I like you and enjoy the vast majority of your posts, but that aspect of your personality is frustrating and something I’d rather avoid. Thus the warning.

      • Er, wait, are you making a guarantee of no attempt to rickroll here? If so I’d like to advise against:
        We are communicating using the internet, a great resource for finding intellectually, morally, legally, aesthetically or otherwise objectionable material. I am used to people on the internet sharing the things that we find horrible just like jaded culture snobs of more traditional media. I would argue, with some seriousness, that this is healthy and worthwhile in any intellectually stimulating experience since the ability to contemplate the unpleasant and unfamiliar is an important part of a complete mental toolkit. Therefore, it is required to assault the sensibilities in the low, middle and highbrow ranges on a frequent, irregularly timed and varyingly expected basis to keep from falling into mind-sapping complacency–this helps make us and keep us mentally tough enough to contemplate the unpleasant and the unfamiliar.
        So, please forgive me for being suspicious that you are pointing me to things that I may dislike. I believe that’s part of doing a good job as a conversationalist.

        Okay, I have watched these and I can see why people would think they are funny but I’m too much of a humour snob to like ’em. Highlights: Wah, wah, superhero genre sucks; wah, wah, ADHD-Family Guy-Absurdism is overdone. Mostly I’m just hard to please.

        • So lets see if I’ve gotten this straight.

          You will complain if I do not warn you of being rickrolled.

          You will complain if I do warn you of not being rickrolled.

          You will complain if you do not watch the things I post just to point out that you haven’t watched them.

          You will complain if you do watch the things that I post because someone else made a similar joke before, and you’re a “humor snob”.

          Allow me to make a few observations.

          You are not a humor snob. You are not even a snob snob, in the strictest sense. What you are is a dickhead. I don’t mean this as a pejorative, more like a descriptor. As I mentioned before, I do like you. I enjoy much of the things you have to say and I appreciate the breadth of your knowledge. I have been friends with other people I have considered dickheads.

          Just not close friends. Because they were dickheads.

          A snob appreciates the things he does because they represent to him the best of whatever category it is under scrutiny. As far as I can tell you simply don’t like anything that isn’t your idea.

          I have said all of this because I like you. Yes, I am attempting to alter you behavior on this one subject, and no, I don’t expect it to work. You have spent years (I assume) building your personae of a person who will not be satisfied by anything that the mere mortals surrounding you might present at your feet. Good for you. You’ve succeeded. But take a second look. While you stand smug and disdainful, everyone else is laughing and enjoying themselves.

          What sounds better to you?

          I am going to do my best from here on out to only engage with you when you are not flying your contrarian flag. I also am not going to take any special steps to announce when something is cute or lowbrow or anything else that might get under your skin. It requires too much effort, is disproportionate to what I am doing here and is a little depressing.

          I hope you accept this in the spirit it is meant. If people thought I was a dickhead I would want to know and I would try to correct for it. In any case, this is hopefully the last time I will talk about it.

          • I’m sorry, I don’t intend to make you waste this amount of time and attention or piss on other people’s fun. This happened anyway because of my error.
            Hacker humour of the form, “Ha ha only serious!” has now been established as too unfamiliar to work here. The problem is that my criticisms and opinions were being taken much more seriously than I intended, and some of my jokes were mistaken for criticisms, which was my misjudgment.
            I’ll try to fix this problem by not saying things here that require one to get that they are either more or less serious than they appear at first glance. If that’s not enough or I’m not doing a good enough job please let me know.

            Warning, don’t google, “ha ha only serious” unless you want to go dig through crazy programmer weirdness. If you absolutely have to know then make sure to go to the real reference an catb.org but I guarantee it won’t be funny.

    • I don’t know. Maybe just because they look different?

      Personally I dig them. I applauded when Bats started sporting his “body-armor” look. It just made so much more sense than the comic book approach where he only armored the bit beneath the bat symbol on his chest and hoped that criminals would only want to shoot him there. That always seemed extremely stupid for a cat that supposed to be so damn smart.

      Joker’s look was meant to be a visual meter for his crazy. I thought it was kinda brilliant, but it does seem even further off the reservation. Old Joker had an air of refinement to him that brutal/dangerous Joker lacks. New Joker has a menacing vibe that poncy/tap-dancy Joker could never pull off.

      Comic book costumes just look silly on the big screen without a little “translation”. It’s unfortunate because it does set the purists off. But you wanna see some really silly purists? Look at the furor over Spike Jonze’s treatment of Where the Wild Things Are. These people are upset because he added elements when he made an hour and a half long movie out of a ten sentence long book. Really. They couldn’t have seen that coming?

  2. heh your right kev I guess im a purist, since I was a long time fan of animated batman. but also I just really hate christian bale and his stupid whispering that he must of thought was cool. also btw I bet comic batmans outfit was nano armor. much stronger then REAL armor and gives alot more freedom of movement! =D

    I dont think even you can find a reason to think the new bat mobile was cool. THAT IS NOT THE BATMOBILE!!

    • Okay, you will get no argument from me on either of those two points. The stupid voice or the ridiculous looking batmobile. I understand and I try to look past them… and they don’t kill the movies, but you are right. I am totally fine with Batman having a synthetic voice, but that one sounds like an escaped death metal singer gargling battery acid and glass.

      The batmobile’s capabilities are awesome, it was a well realized concept, but I hate looking at it. It looks so… patchwork. And ugly. And stupid. And I don’t like it.

      Buuut… neither of those were important enough parts of the movies to make any real difference. There was still a crazy guy who dressed up like a bat and fought outrageous villains. And THAT was cool.

      • that one sounds like an escaped death metal singer gargling battery acid and glass.
        Thanks kev, his voice now sounds that much cooler to me 😀 😉

          • What, you think that punk rockers and metal-bands aren’t all musicians serving community service as police assets drawing suspicious elements together in a place they can be watched?
            The joke’s on them though, the right thing to do is spend more money on staging and policing wrestling events to catch the crooks.

      • Not a huge Batman fan, and definitely not a Batman purist. But I have to agree on both the bat-voice and the bat-mobile. With the bat-mobile, yes, the capabilities were cool, and I didn’t even mind how it looked because it fit the films’ internal consistency – Bruce was looting prototypes from R&D, so it made sense that it looked like a tank instead of a Ferrari with fins.

        But I did think it was retarded that certain systems in the vehicle could not be operated from the normal driving position – who would design something like that? It created like a 3-second delay in deploying the weapons systems – something that would get you killed in the kind of front-line combat the thing was supposed to have been designed for.

  3. I’m not exactly a comic book junkie – just a guy with way too good a long-term memory for my own good.

    Of course, different writers place Batman’s basic ability all over the place. There was an issue where he basically wore Iron Man level armor and defeated Superman in a straight-up battle… the Kryptonite didn’t even look all that necessary (and Ronald Reagan was portrayed… unfairly). In another issue a juiced-up drug addict broke his back (OK, he did one of those mass Arkham Asylum breakouts normally associated with the Joker to tire him out first).

    In other words, the movie could have made just about ANY interpretation of Batman, and at least one issue exists to justify it! The most frightening thing about the Adam West Batman TV series was that it was a pretty accurate portrayal of the Batman comics of that time…

    • If you’re talking about Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns, *SPOILERS* Supes was doing pretty damn well before the Green Arrow stepped in. Batman hardly ‘defeated him in a straight up battle.’ Remember:

      “Wrist…crushed….ribs moving with a life of their own… – … And Clark…just broke…a sweat…”

      But, to his credit, the old man got a few good shots in. Plus he planned to lose. He couldn’t have gotten out of that situation otherwise.

    • Maybe? Against Bane I was thinking that Batman might never play basketball again, and against Superman I thought he was dead. Bane was a genius level tactician with super-strength who went to tremendous lengths to wear Batman down before attacking him, Superman just showed up and casually pounded on our caped crusader. Still, that is extremely subjective and I understand your point. Any time two heroes clash in the comics you can usually tell who is going to win by who’s name is on the cover. Power level is always… fluxy.

  4. Batman vs Superman

    We all know how this was going to end, it really was a bad match up to begin with. Even with the help of cryptonite Superman would still have wooped Batman’s ass. Its not a question of superpowers because Batman doesn’t have any, which why he is the kickass hero we all love.

    Besides Superman has only 1 legitimate weakness besides the use of cryptonite and that is magic. Superman does not stand a chance against magic. I will leave it to the more geek crowd to show which character and battle I am talking about… as sadly I don’t remember 😛

    • In the animated series Batman continually got the better of Superman in pretty much every possible way. Supes could never lay a glove on him because Bats was so much better a fighter that he always knew where the punch was going to land… and thus wasn’t there. He also used Superman’s strength and speed against him and basically tossed him around like a rag doll. (Then he took pictures of Superman turning into Clark Kent and whisked Lois Lane out from under Clark’s nose.)

      But to be fair, animated Superman IS pretty much of a shmuck.

      P.S. LOTS of baddies have used magic to great effect against the Man of Steel. There are many battles to pick from.

  5. There was a thing on the net a while back that squared Superman against a bunch of different heroes and villains from other commercial enterprises. Being the geek I am my fave was Superman vs. a Jedi. Supes won cause jedis being the nice guys they are they wouldn’t use the force as a weapon, and a lightsaber wouldn’t hurt the man of steel. But Superman vs. a Sith? The sith won because he’d more than happily choke Superman with the force (which they argued was a form of magic, thus able to hurt Superman). Anyway, I actually like it when Superman and Batman get together cause if written well they really compliment each other. Batman has the brains and the billions to get shit done and Superman can break steel with his hands and melt shit with his eyes. There was a great comic once where Lois went missing and Superman was sick with some ubervirus so he got Batman to come help him find her. At one point they go into this bar to talk to some guys and Batman goes in first, starts threatening people and pretty much gets the whole bar ready to fight him, and you know he’s gonna win the fight. But then Superman just walks in and says “We need your help,” or something and everyone just falls all over themselves to help him out. Cause they know that he’s the good guy. The guy who will help you, even if you’re a drug dealing biker douche-bag, he’ll still help you, try to get you straightened out, try to do his best to make sure nothing bad happens to you. Batman would just kick your ass and throw you in jail. That whole comic was really well written, and there are a lot more like it. Like I said, they compliment each other when written well, and whoever wrote that video doesn’t write well. It was funny, but just played Batman up as a dude who has no idea what he’s doing but puts on a costume anyway, and Superman as a douchey fratboy with superpowers.

    • I didn’t think Superman was weak against magic, just not immune. If you magic up a fireball at him, it’ll have as much effect as regular fire. If you magic him into a frog, however, he’s a frog. Force choking, then, wouldn’t just get past Superman’s defenses. Other forms of magic, like transformations, teleportations, enchantments, would be much more effective than physical manipulation, like the force.

      I actually think a lightsaber could be pretty effective, though. Cuts through pretty much anything physical.

      • Yeah, I didn’t write the article. They actually argued whether or not you could make a lightsaber using kryptonite as the focusing crystal. Meh. I think they were more thinking the force lightning the Sith use anyway, or any other number of horrible things you can do with the dark side of the Force.

        • Whenever DC discusses Superman’s powers and vulnerabilities, magic is always listed as a weakness. I don’t think it has any increased effect against him, but a magic bullet would hurt him as much as a regular bullet would a normal person.

          And agreed Tim. It’s all about the writing. I enjoy it when Bats and Superman try to one-up each other in subtle ways, as long as their eyes stay on the ball and they don’t break character by forgetting about the bad guys. Batman really does have some advantages over Superman, basically being a good version of Lex Luthor with Kung-Fu… and Lex is a very credible opponent for the boy in blue.