570 – Bearly Dressed• 03



Lena had a fun idea the other day while we were discussing a recent strip. It was number 567 where the heroes first enter the bar, The Ugly Thing Nailed to the Wall. Several readers had offered guesses as to what the ugly thing in question actually was, and after I told Lena the answer she suggested we should make a contest out of it, and as a prize I could give away the art board for that strip.

So… the contest will run through the weekend and be officially over at 12:00 A.M. Monday. I will mail the art board (that’s the hand-drawn version without any text) to the winner as soon as I get their address. The winner will be the first person (chronologically) to post the correct answer — or failing any correct answer, whichever post I think is the funniest. (People that I personally game with are encouraged to guess, but you can’t win. Sorry. Maybe I’ll give you a meatloaf recipe or something instead.)

Good luck!


Hint: The answer is very silly.

66 Responses to 570 – Bearly Dressed• 03

  1. Suddenly I have this urge to yell, “Blighted Ballsacks of an Elder God!” :mrgreen:

    Is that an oesophagus I spot there? 😕 😐
    Aw, it was funnier when it was a Cow Tools/Rorschach Ink Blot sort of monster. 🙄

    • Do you mean Snuffleupagus? If so neither Mr. (Aloysius) Snuffleupagus or his little sister Alice Snuffleupagus, has ever been to Garandür.

      Still, another great guess!

    • It’s Enkidu – so it’s probably his nipple hair poking through his armor.

      Edit: I mean her nipple hair. Gender-specific pronouns can be so confusing in cases like this.

    • I thought it was underbreast sweat stains (*shudder*), until I realized Enkidu used to wear a chainmail shirt under that jacket, and she-orc-Enkidu still does. But hairy breasts it another horrible vision in a gallery of bad mental images concerning Enkidu. Yikes. 😯

      *beats herself over head with a truncheon* Please, make the images go away…!

  2. I get the feeling that it is something that we have seen before in this comic.

    Or perhaps, I have seen it somewhere else, so it is a reference to another comic.

    I don’t think that that object is in its natural state, I think that it has been turned inside-out, or something that has been hit by several spells simultaneously, and the end result is a little odd.

    I am going to go with an orc which has been hit by several spells. And a marshmallow.

  3. Looks suspiciously like a cross between Bill the cat and that item from the farside cartoon.
    Note: (That Farside cartoon) Several native Americans sitting around a camp fire and the elder holding up…. that thing… saying “Look close, this is the only part of the Buffalo we don’t use.”

    Or the bog cow critter from MM the first. Dangit, now I need to dig out the box to get it’s name. But I’m going with Bill and Farside anyway.

    • That’s a funny cartoon. “The part of the buffalo we don’t use” is a great answer. It’s wrong, but it’s great.

      Also not a catoblepas. Though I suppose there is some comedic value to hanging something on the wall of a bar that would kill anyone who looked at it.

      • Catoblepas would have been my guess had I been eligible to win. 😀

        We might need another hint! Is it an “official” D&D critter?

  4. Could it be a Mongrelman? You know, just a slice of the ugly part? They’re kinda patchwork anyway, so it’s probably only the half of it’s face that was beat with the Ugly Stick.

    Unless someone nailed it up there upside down, and then I’d say it’s Cthulu’s Junk. Think AC/DC’s “Balls to the Wall”.

    • Not a mongrelman. Good guess, but seriously not stupid enough.

      Cthulhu’s junk is an awesome guess… though I’d hate to be in possession when the Big Guy comes looking for it. (I think Christina beat you to that punch though.)

    • I never noticed before but “Pancreas” looks like it it ought to be the name of some tiny South American country.

      But it’s not The Ugly Thing Nailed to the Wall.

  5. Perhaps a dire cyclops mammoth with mange? Mutated unicorn head? The redheaded troll stepchild? The winner of last year’s Orcish beauty pageant?

  6. It’s the remains of a tax collector that divided by zero.

    Edit: Or upon posting it’s apparently my deflated avatar. huh

  7. If it’s mutated it could be anything.
    Well, the part hanging down is obviously a hollow tube, so either it was cut off of some larger body, or the dangling appendage is something like an elephant’s trunk. I’ve been turning the picture upside down and at 90° angles, but that only made it worse.

    The main question is, is it animal or plant or fungus? If that bloodshot eye isn’t actually a bloodshot eye… I dunno. I count four warty globes. The horn is what confuses me.

    • No, but that is a very good guess, and it’s something I thought about when I drew it. But the sewer monster was more liquidy (in my head anyway) and wouldn’t nail well to the wall.

  8. Okay, last try… it’s the deflated head of a helium-filled wooly cyclops rhinocephant with warts.

    If that ain’t close enough, I give up.

  9. I’m almost certain it’s a Flail Snail. I can hardly imagine a stupider monster, and I remember the original illustration in (I think) the original Fiend Folio. What a spectacular mixture of hits and misses that book was!

      • Ah well, I saw a couple inconsistencies after I posted my “sure thing”, but I figured that long “trunk” was something that was inside a snail shell that was pulled off… I had thought the ball-like appendages at one end was the primary clue.

        Hmm… a Half-Fiend Anteater of Legend?

  10. Seeing as how it is time to go to bed here, I’ll put in a quick guess at the Otyugh just to have it done. Hopefully I’ll have some smarter proposition tomorrow 😉

      • Well, today is tomorrow to me, with half a day to spare. 😉

        But I’ll run with “A deflated one-eyed trouser elephant” just for the sake of having posted that as well. 😛

  11. Your (Kevin) comment about “deflated” suggests a collapsed balloon figure. Looking at it in that light, ther’s something about it that keeps saying “Simpsons” to me, although I see a lot that doesn’t seem to fit.

  12. The head/half the head of an elephant, or.. The skin of the head of an elephant.. With eyeballs… It has seemingly hung there for a while so it has gotten warts.