553 – The Council of Erias • 04


Do you live in New York or LA… and just before you meet someone new and significant in your life you are treated to a aerial panorama of the skyscrapers of your city? Do you have familiar, slightly goofy music that accompanies you and highlights your misadventures?

If you are a woman, do you work at a magazine/publishing house/newspaper? Are you just that much better looking than all of your much wittier friends, yet only the frumpy one among you is married? Although physically perfect, can you not find a decent man in your home of umpteen million people? Are you a beer-drinking, sports-watching, tomboy who keeps one very close gay man as someone to run your outfits past?

If you are a man, are you a slightly misogynistic beefcake who has hundreds of short-term sexual romps with beautiful yet intellectually unfulfilling partners? Are you completely happy in your shallow existence, unknowingly waiting for that perfect person to come along and show you how miserable you’ve actually always been without them? Do you have an improbably large New York apartment for someone in your salary range?

Is the city just as important a character in your life as any of the actual players?

If these things are true about you, I’m afraid I may have some bad news. You life is a RomCom. The dreaded Romantic Comedy. Full of tired tropes and worn clichés, the RomCom teaches us that happiness comes not from within, but from that guy you can’t stand who sleeps with all the models he photographs. Still, hopefully you will be one of the main characters instead of the supporting cast. That way you can at least be relatively assured of at least one session of mind-blowing sex before you break up with, and then marry, the person you’ve hated all that time.

The Monday Question:

Maybe you’re not living a RomCom. Perhaps a musical? Dark Comedy? See any zombies?

What kind of movie is <i>your</i> life?

49 Responses to 553 – The Council of Erias • 04

  1. Can’t speak for anyone else, of course, but… MY life? Not a movie at all, lately. It’s more like a bad episode of The Young & The Restless…

    Anyone have any good advice for how to change it -into- a RomCom? It’d be easier to deal with…

    • Move to a big city, become extremely arrogant, and arrange to be the best paid photographer/ex-inventor/game designer in the world. Then just sit back and relax, my friend. The rest will come to you.

  2. I’ve never compared my life to a movie, but I do occasionally like to practice my slo-motion walking-against-the-wind swagger.

  3. My life is a bit like a novel by Leonard Cohen – completely unrealistic and strangely poetic. A bit like a movie that tries to be artistic and succeeds, but only vaguely. Mostly it’s weird, with a healthy serving of sexual frustration.

  4. As much as I try to make my life a mocumntary about the life of a mad scientist it keeps getting drug back into the Woody Allen school of failure and black comedy where the joke is usually on me.

  5. I don’t think my life is movie potential. I’m more in the sitcom range; each day could easily be compressed into 20 – 25 minutes of heartbreak and laughs. Sort of Big Bang Theory meets Everyone Loves Raymond.

    Yesterday’s episode summary: “Rick gets up early with the baby, stumbles into the spare room, but has forgotten that his mother arrived last night for a visit! Hilarity ensues. Arriving at work, he’s greeted by his boss, who spouts a continuous stream of buzzwords. Frustrated, Rick points out to his boss that he neglected to include verbs, and thus hasn’t actually constructed any sentences. Cue coworkers popping out of their offices with copies of Buzzword Bingo. Hilarity ensues. Back at home, Rick’s wife informs him that the baby has started giggling when lifted overhead. She neglects to mention that this shouldn’t be done immediately after feeding. Messy hilarity ensues.”


  6. I’ve always felt more booklike. I can actually feel when a new chapter is starting (it’s a weird gusty sort of thing. Go go pseudopsychic synesthesia!), but the current chapter.. is either called The Nothing, or is one of those sentences that starts with “X Years Later….”

    You have no idea how boring those X years are. Think of the Two Towers, but just copy and paste the same few pages over and over.

    I swear, I’ve tried forcefully to make something notweorthy happen, but goddamnit, that damn X Years Later thing is unbreakable!
    And this is why I follow.. *counts* 42 Webcomics, the updates for every MMO I’ve ever tried, and four forums. And then I hunt for new webcomics.

  7. I’m into my sequel and it’s probably jumped the shark.

    In part one, I meet a girl in highschool. We have a kid but don’t marry. Have the difficult time part. She marries another guy (has two kids with him), but he’s not the right one for her. We’ve reconciled and eventually get married. Yeah!!! Happy Ending!

    In the sequel, my mother-in-law has health issues and has now moved in with us. Any semblance of man-caviness has been completely eliminated at my house (did I mention that all three kids are girls — that’s *5* girls plus me).

  8. Documentary type film they show in school sometimes, with the bad actors, horrible plot, and ham fisted narration. I’m the ‘bad’ example of what happens when you’re a bright, talented young individual, but fail to fill out any scholarship forms. (run out of money for college, no degree, plenty of student loans)
    Remeber kids, fill out those forms today, or you may end up like me!

      • Definitely not Tim Burton… Life is creepy enough. Maybe Peter Jackson, all those stunning vistas would be nice, I got some taste of that in my navy years (sunrise over Singapore seen from The Water is gorgeous)… But I think better would be to be directed by a porn director. No need for a complicated plot, no fancy scripts, just lots of wall-to-wall sex… Yeah. I could deal with that.

  9. I don’t know who I “don’t” want to direct my life, but I “DO” want it to be Clint Eastwood. That way I get to play an angry man with a chip on his shoulder who eventually gets to kill a bunch of people for something they did to my family years and years ago, ala Gran Torino mixed with The Outlaw Josey Wales.

  10. Less ‘movie’ and more ‘pessimistic webcomic.’ You know, the one where Murphy’s Law is basically proven?

    Living in a small city (and only a city by Canada’s ridiculously lax standards) in what amounts to one of the richest provinces with no education needed to make said money… Does not bode well for the geeks.

    Especially not the geeks who are into death / black metal. Like, really into it. Like, trying to build a band and have over 100 hours of the stuff available type of into it.

    Friggin’ hickville.

  11. Weeks late…

    Supporting cast. Never actually seen in the movie. Mentioned as person who did X and had Y effect on a main character.
    The good news is, I have this role in LOTS of other folks’ stories.

  12. Oddly enough, my life would be a naturalistic play.
    (naturalistic being, in dramatic terms, a play that is a “slice of life”)