522 – As the Larva Turns: 04


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Home Invasion

John and Matthew Farrar, ages 2 and 3 and the youngest of four brothers, were reported missing on the morning of Friday, April 22nd. Approximately a hundred emergency personnel were scrambled into the Anderson, South Carolina neighborhood to attempt to find the two toddlers before their abductors could get them too far out the area.

In a neighboring home, Angie Lovorn slept soundly after her third shift in a row at work. Her own children were safely at school and she slept soundly… until the continuous noise of the search parties interrupted her rest, and she got up to find out what was going on. As she headed towards the door, she discovered her home had been trashed, (food, garbage, and her children’s toys scattered about the house, furniture and fixtures overturned, forts made of cushions) and two tiny figures, one wearing her own son’s Clemson University football helmet, made a dash for the back door.

As the criminal duo hit daylight, they found themselves boxed between an angry Angie Lovorn, and the hundred city workers looking for them. Correctly intuiting which way the sympathies lay, they pressed forward into the crowd.

John and Matthew had stolen out of their own house while their mother’s attention was apparently elsewhere, and decided to go out for bit of the old smash and grab at the neighbors’. They went through the fridge, the cabinets, the garbage cans, climbing up on bunk beds and sofas, and leaving a trail of destruction and mayhem in their wake.

The boys’ mother suffered lethal levels of mortification, and remains in the hospital at this date. Flowers should be sent to the Catastrophically Bad Mother ward of Anderson General.

12 Responses to 522 – As the Larva Turns: 04

  1. Children so obviously possessed by demons should be shot on sight. 😈

    What do you mean, the Horror Movie Character Survival Guide does not apply to real life? Sheesh.

  2. But she passed capitalism’s maternal fitness test: She was able to have kids. It’s communist thinking that we should restrain free market forces!

  3. This kind of thing happens all the time. Even the best parents in the world cannot be vigilant 24/7.

    • I can distinctly remember 3 separate occasions before the age of five where I caused the police, fire department, or both to be called out. Of course my mother was never exactly what you’d call “vigilant,” but yeah — this kind of thing is just going to happen.

      And then other people are going to make fun of you for it.

      • I guess knowing someone who is going through DCS hell for an isolated yet similar incident (nobody’s house was invaded or trashed) within the last six months makes me a little more sympathetic. I honestly don’t know if Ms. Farrar deserves the benefit of the doubt or not. *shrug* Maybe she is the Worst Parent Evar.

        • Anyone who looks at one incident, (this kind of incident, anyway) be they DCS or just some stupid blogger, and then acts to remove a child from their parents has their head up their ass. Whether Mommy Farrar is a bad mom or not, I very much doubt she’s ever going to let this happen again.

          However, it doesn’t mean you can’t draw some levity from the situation. After all, the notion of the two toddlers trashing Angie’s house while she slept and a hundred city workers combed the streets for them is funny. Everything else is just silliness. After all, people can’t actually be sent to the hospital just because they’re really embarrassed.

  4. My mother knew where I was 100% of the time until I was 16. And even then, she knew I didn’t have a poker face. I only did a few things wrong and always got busted. Once I tried the old standard – “I’m going to Gloria’s house” and Gloria said “I’m going to Lena’s house” and we hung out with some boys instead. It lasted about 25 minutes before I was spending the entire summer grounded in my room.

    Kevin, however, was always grounded and his parents “assumed” he was in his room. So, he would just leave the bedroom door closed and hop out the window.

    If I’d had his parents, I’d probably have done the same thing. At least mine gave a shit.

  5. Aye, kids doing bad things does not mean bad parents. Doesn’t even mean bad kids. Just means kids being kids. Now, should anything of thr sort ever happen again…..

  6. I wonder if Angie will garner free yard care in about 10 years…

    You know somewhere there is a pitch going on for a reality TV show about this now.

    About the Comic; Where the bleep do these fly and mosquito sidelines come from?!?! ~chuckle~

    • I don’t know. Every once in a while I just want to do something different… but I don’t want to get too far away from the action. I think Lena first suggested doing something on a micro scale so I wouldn’t have to leave the current scene of the comic, and the bugs followed from there.

      I guess I do know. LOL!

  7. Being the proud parent of a 3 year old and a ten month old I can say from experience that it doesn’t take but a minute to lose track of your kids. The little buggers get quiet then you know something ain’t right. However, when my daughter disappeared from our backyard a few weeks back the first thing I did was go looking for her, not call the cops. She was over at the neighbors chatting with the landlady while said landlady was gardening. Not too worrisome. I’m pretty sure my brother and I got into all sorts of mischief when we were little. I know he ran off through a field next to our house and was about to make his way across busy traffic when my mom and dad found him. Hopefully that won’t happen with my kids, but you never know. It is pretty funny that the kids ransacked the neighbor’s house. Imagine how much more fun it would have been had they then gone home and noone was ever the wiser.

    P.S. I really like the bug sidelines. Next time do spiders!