518 – Delayed Questification: 05


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We regret to inform you of losses

Dear Mr Big Bunker

I am Jackson Kindel, Bank Contact man at 1st Abidjan Bank for Miss Becky Koulibaly who has been killed by poison from out of her Uncle. She leaves you her USD4.5 MILLION DOLLARS as her final wishes for you, who she loves.

The circumstances of her situation of being killed were that she is sitting at her hotel waiting to get your email to tell her to come into your country out of this place. That is when the enemy of her father comes into the hotel and threatens her room for the inheritance of her father’s cocoa money. He tells her that he will poison her to death if she does not give everything to him. Miss Becky says that she is going to come out of the hotel and be with you and her evil Uncle will not have any inheritances, so he poisoned her to death.

The Uncle is an important man in Abidjan and is now trying to take the inheritance out of the Bank through legal means. If we are not putting the money into your transaction immediately he will take all.

The fee for fund transferral is USD80 DOLLARS which i will take out of the money. Bank rules must come from your Bank, so i will transfer you USD80 DOLLARS for you to cover transfer fees. As soon as the fee is transferred, you will be able to receive USD4.5MILLION DOLLARS that was Miss Becky’s wishes for you, who were her love.

Please response with an email and your account information so that i will gladly give you USD80 DOLLARS.

It is sad for your losses,
Mr Jackson Kindel, Bank Contact man

[Automated Response]

Hi there!

I got your message, but will be unable to respond for quite some time, as the wife and I are touring Europe and Asia! We will be gone for the next two months so if you need anything important, call somebody else!

I’d like to pause here for a quick shout out to Miss Becky Koulibaly, without whom none of this would have been possible. Money won’t make you happy, dollface, what you need is family. Go give that uncle of yours a hug. He’ll come around.

With all my hearts,

Big Bunker

P.S. I’m thinking of you when I masturbate.

22 Responses to 518 – Delayed Questification: 05

  1. I’m rather impressed that they sent another letter after that last one. They really try hard to get your money.

  2. Holy bill of rights

    Becaus of overwelmening demand i present you with another of my GREAT english word
    Indeed you may rejoyce since i know several of these GREAT english word

    To holemaster i say good job making extra large size funny!! comic

  3. Dude, this week of blogs has been my favorite thing I’ve seen in a while. Great work.

    The comic has been great too. >_>

  4. “who has been killed by poison from out of her Uncle.”

    LOL, where did that deadly poison come out of exactly?

    “He tells her that he will poison her to death if she does not give everything to him.”

    PMFSL, “Rather than just stabbing or hanging you, I’m going to use one of the most stealthy methods of killing you that requires you to NOT KNOW about it for it to work, so I’ll just tell you I’m going to do it first”.

    lololol, /sigh at these spammers, they could at least use a brain cell, and learn proper English if they actually do want to be successful.

  5. Boy, you’re gonna feel real stoopid when you read “Ivorian police suspect uncle in heiress murder, seize funds” on CNN International!

    Poor Becky. In the end, I think only Bank Contact Man Jackson Kindel truly loved her. Can’t wait for the movie.

  6. By the time you read “Evil” Uncle, whomever doesn’t get this isn’t real must be banging his head up.

    I mean, it’s almost international! Bank people have no feelings!

    And…any official contact information is meant by rule to be as detached as possible. Not because of bias, but because it must send the message once and for all.

    Still, whomever doesn’t get at the moment that “Big Bunker” isn’t a name (and who in heavenly tarnation would use it as a nickname? A gigolo?) should also be banging his or her head up.

    Besides…even worse, how does that oddly-named guy actually insists that you’d cheat on your wife Lena? Unless it’s some sort of non-marital love, it’s rather bizarre to add “whom she loved” every now and then.

    Honestly, some scammers have no common sense to realize they’re digging deeper and deeper into a bunghole.

  7. That was funny and horrible! Thank you for braving the African criminal scamlords to make us laugh! 😆

    The comic was funny! Dick Dogwood is gross though. 🙄

  8. I was afraid something like this would happen! Nobody can buy USD4.5MILLION DOLLARS in weed without drawing attention to themselves. Kevin, your greed cost this poor woman her life now that she is poisoned from out of her uncle. And you were her love! If you had many hearts at all, you would feel really badly about all of this.

    • Tinfoil hat folks think that people in the US federal government department of acronym bureaus do that kind of thing every day, go apply to your local FBI branch for some weed today!

  9. I would have you know that there is very little pilferage in the evidence room…….that’s disposal’s job. =)
    I remember getting ones like this. I even received one that had pictures of a lovely lady. Sadly for them, I am not that stupid. Sadly for the world, Someone must be or they wouldn’t continue to do them.