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“Every act — a type of caress, a sexual position — with the goal of arousal is permitted and pleases God… During sexual intercourse, married couples can show their love in every way, can offer one another the most sought after caresses. They can employ manual and oral stimulation.”
So writes Franciscan Friar, the Rev. Ksawery Knotz, author of Sex as You Don’t Know It: For Married Couples Who Love God, which is being called the Catholic Kama Sutra. Knotz intends for the book to encourage married couples to enjoy their sex lives, calling sex a sacrament to god. I guess the idea of having a third person such as god in the bed with you when you’re having sex with your spouse is supposed to be a turn-on. It’s kinda kinky.
Anyway, Ksawery goes on quite a bit about sex, marriage, and all the fun stuff a pair of folks can do between the sheets… all of which he has no practical knowledge of. He can’t marry, and he can’t have sex. It’s kind of like the Amish Guide to Videogame Repair. It just makes you scratch your head head and say hunh?
Ksawery says that even though he has no genuine notion of what he’s talking about, he can speak authoritatively on the subject because he’s heard lots of other folks conversing about sex. More to the point, these were people who were coming to him for answers to their questions. Let me run that past you one more time. People who knew less than the guy who knew nothing came to him for advice, prompting him in turn to write a book telling the rest of us all about it.
The publisher is talks to have the book translated from Polish into English, Italian, and Slovakian. Hooray!