502 – You Can’t Go Back: 09


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On April 7th in Polk County Florida, the state where god tries out his more sketchy ideas, Bendric Joseph and brother Freddie were watching a humorous video on Bendric’s computer while laying on the bed. There was a storm outside and the wind toppled an enormous oak tree which cut through the roof, walls, and most of the bedroom. (The tree guys estimated the oak at 35,000 pounds.) Freddie was knocked unconscious by debris, while Bendric was pinned under two by fours held down by the tree itself. It took rescue crews an hour to remove Bendric from the bedroom. He made it out with a mess of bruises, but no serious damage. His mother,Β Sandra Bindu Joseph-Marquis, who is not a Star Wars character, says it’s a miracle. There is general agreement on this from all and sundry involved, along with much thanking of the god and the sweet baby Jesus.

It's a miracle!

So that got me to wondering. If the boys had been in a different room when the tree fell and it had been nowhere near them, resulting in no bruises for Bendric or stitches for Freddie, would that have been a miracle? Probably so. What if they were in the bedroom, but the wind never knocked the tree over at all? Would that have been a miracle? What if there had been no storm? Would thatΒ have been a miracle? What if there was a normal day when nobody got gratuitously injured and no one’s house was crushed beneath a 17 and a half ton oak tree? Does that seem miraculous to you? I gotta tell you, it really doesn’t to me.

I’m thinking god can keep his miracles. Even if I survive, I can do without the bump in my insurance premiums.

19 Responses to 502 – You Can’t Go Back: 09

  1. FIRST!

    …who is not a Star Wars character

    Classic. LOL.

    I think Martin is going to have his hands full until he decides to get a new cohort.

  2. wow this is the second time in a row that the topic reminds me of a friend of mine in the same situation. i have another friend that lives in memphis tn. when he was young he lived in ark. a tornado ripped through his neighborhood totally destroying it. his trailer was demolished by a huge tree that fell on it .right on his bedroom. he was in bed when it happened (it was night). the tree landed on his bed and a large branch was embedded in the floor. he was pinned under the tree for like 6 hours before the rescue teams could cut him out safely.when they finally got him out he was completely unhurt, not a scratch on him. of course they were calling that a miracle also. but it was in the local paper (he showed it to me later on when i met him) this tree was HUGE .the trailer they lived in was totally demolished and they had to move afterwards. talk about lucky.

    ooooo i can see personality conflict in martins future this is gonne be funny

  3. Being a fan of Irony, I’d ask for my caskit to be made out of oak from that tree. That’s a big tree… mmmm oak.

    ~sigh~ Poor puppy Martini; He’s probably not smart enough to go back to the guild master and trade her in on an upgrade. Then again, if it were any of the GM’s I’ve ever had, the replacement would be worse.

    • No refunds! 8) It’s a Thieves Guild after all. Money back? Sheesh, the costumer gets what he asked for. It’s not our problem if he doesn’t know what he really wants.

      Martin can pray the guild never get wind of the fact that Martin murdered the first Fleece, or they’ll never sell let him hire another one.

      So Martin’s GM has taken a page out of the Nodwick comics and invented a Guild of Professional Henchmen, Kevin? Nice. Are these Fleeces cloned? Like replicants from Blade Runner? I bet you can hire a demure geisha!Fleece, an assassin!Fleece, a ditzy pink!barbiedoll!Fleece, a spunky punk!Fleece… Get your Fleece for every occasion! Comes with her own outfit, upgrades cost extra.

      Well, Martin deserves what he gets if he continues to treat his old 3.5 Leadership feat like a blank cheque contract to get a new Fleece every time he loses the old one. And without paperwork, too!

      Going back to strip #501, this new assassin!Fleece looks like the Joker from Batman. *shudder*

      • When Martin created the first Fleece, he stipulated that she had a large number of identical twin sisters who would be available to serve him if something happened to the previous one. Although 4.0 changed the rules about having cohorts, it didn’t do anything about fluff or backstory, so Martin gets to keep his endless supply of Fleeces.

        All the Fleeces have been rogues… well, in terms of knives, the first Fleece was a dagger, the second was a stiletto, and this one’s a chainsaw.

        • “When Martin created the first Fleece, he stipulated that she had a large number of identical twin sisters who would be available to serve him if something happened to the previous one.”
          Yeah, I remember. I simply wondered how the gamemaster explained the whole thing. He so loves to do backstory for his world and NPCs. πŸ˜‰

  4. I can’t be sure, but in the photo that tree looks like it was already dead or dying. If so, would it have been a “miracle” if the owner had been responsible and had it removed before the storm?

  5. I’m officially starting a fanclub for this Fleece. She’s the kind of character I would hate if I met her as a player character, but as Martin’s personal demon, she’s deliciously dastardly. :mrgreen: Well, if I say “fanclub” I mean anyone can join, as I’m too lazy to collect membership fees. πŸ˜‰
    As for the news story…. two associations that popped into my head.
    a) Donnie Darko. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0246578/
    b) Richard Dawkin’s tackles this sort of illogical religious reasoning in a chapter of his book The God Delusion (on page 109, paperback edition): He mentions a darkly satirical list collected on the internet of such “God proofs” we encounter from the religious mind, boiled down to their central point and then exaggerated to show how inane they are, see here
    “Hundreds of Proofs of God’s Existence (Formerly: Over Three Hundred Proofs of God’s Existence)”
    (1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew. (2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns. (3) Therefore, God exists.

  6. I drove to work today without any oak trees crushing me. How can you doubt the existence of miracles with evidence like that?

  7. No, no – you have it all backwards. It wasn’t a “miracle” from God – it was God’s wrathful punishment against infidels for watching that evil “internet” thing.

    “If thou watchest wicked movies online, I shall smite your house with a giant tree.”

    God only let them live so they would learn from their transgression and go forth and spread the word.

      • Hey, it’s not his fault that he was ancient before the creation of any modern languages and you know what they say about old gods and new tricks. 8)

  8. Oh Martin, Martin… will your Fleece problems never end?! πŸ™‚ (Although I can’t say that I feel very sorry for him.)

    • You really should update the cast page, Kevin, where under Martin’s alignment it says: neutral. Or change it to: allegedly neutral, because Martin kept lying about his alignment. Martin admitted himself that he is evil, twice now. I always suspected he was.

  9. I read a book by George Carlin once, and in it he says he’s decided to give up God and start worshipping the Sun. Not a direct quote, but it went something like we all know it creates life, it keeps us warm, we can actually see it, and it still answers his prayers only 50% of the time. In my opinion it’s not a miracle that those kids were not crushed to death by that tree, any more than it was a miracle that the bottle I dropped bounced instead of shattered. Shit happens. Sometimes for the good, sometimes not. Life goes on. I guess I just don’t see anything special or spiritual in day to day goings on that have been going on for millions of years.

  10. Maybe the real miracle is that none of their neighbors have been aggravated enough by these folks attributing everything in their lives to the great sky-fairy instead of taking responsibility for their lives that they decided to end this family?