479 – The Lizard King: 06


911 Calls

A woman has a life or death emergency in her car:

There was a second one I wanted to put up here, but it was over 4 minutes long and I thought that was a bit much. Basically this guy is driving, gets lost, parks his ferrari on some railroad tracks, and calls 911 for help. While he’s talking, the train comes ’round the bend. He asks the 911 operator what he should do, and she tells him to get out of the car and get away. He does, and the train crushes his car.

But this is my favorite:


12 Responses to 479 – The Lizard King: 06

  1. Why is this one your favorite? It’s not funny at all. There was no misunderstanding. No particular idiocy happened. They seemed to be actually robbing her. Plus, they didn’t even show the two guys getting caught. I assume they were but I didn’t get to see it happen.

  2. I thought it was interesting, but was also wondering why it’s your favorite. Hope they caught the robbers.

    On the plus side, the comic was funny. I like the lizard men. “King Jim”. Heh.

  3. I’m guessing it’s his favourite because we get to watch evil scum criminals getting caught in the act and running about in panic and confusion like their victims normally do. Which is nice to see for anyone who has ever been burgled.

  4. Woman calling 911 because she locked herself in her car: Stupidity should be painful. Since it isn’t, I hope she was fined.

    Dude parking his Ferrari on the railroad tracks: I hope his auto insurance dropped him. Unfortunately, he probably sued the company that operated the train and/or the city for not putting up a big “Don’t park on the tracks, you idiot!” sign. I can only hope they counter-sued.

    Woman watching her house being burgled: Wow. Not sure what to say here. I can’t tell from the video, but I hope it all worked out okay for her because it seems like watching it happen would be more stressful than coming home to find some of your stuff gone.

  5. Now we’re talking! Vodka bong! LOL! And King Jim! Excellent! I’m not a huge Doors fan, but when it comes to the Lizard King, I guess Jim Morrison was just that. Why? I can’t remember and I’m too lazy to Google it…

  6. Can you really put vodka in a bong? I mean, I guess you can put anything you want in there, but would it actually be a “good” thing?

  7. Well, you could put vodka in a normal bong and filter your smoke through it, (which would be kinda awesome if it didn’t catch fire) but the “bong” the King is referring to here is a long curved tube you put vodka into and then tip into your mouth. Because the other end is open, the bong pours true instead of “glug, glugging” as air bubbles up the mouth to replace the vodka. The result is a whole bottle pouring down your throat in under three seconds, which will kill anyone not blessed with the tolerance of a Lizard King.

    Frat boys do this all the time with beer (thus a “beer bong”) which results in a steady stream of stupid boys waking up in hospitals.

  8. The only education some people understand, the “School of Darwin”… (-:
    Hm. Vodka in a water pipe… I guess the hot smoke might vaporize some of the alcohol as it cools, so you get the alcohol-inhalant buzz as well as the buzz from whatever you’re smoking, but it would be less pleasant than using water. Alcohol vapors are harsh. (Was cooking a wine sauce last night for my pasta, and reminded myself of that the hard way, faceful of fumes…)

    So does King Jim of the lizard men perform, too? Ooh, shiney! Lizard Man Bard!

  9. I had a buddy who was a welder who made the best bong. It was an aluminum tube bent at about a 30° angle. One end was stoppered and had the bowl, the other end was open with the carb. (He had welded it to a flat stand so it stood upright.) Anyway, instead of normal water he shoved ice cubes down the thing. Best toke… ever.

  10. Oh hells yeah. The ice is definitely the way to go if you have the time. Although once we splurged and put kind budz into our full size Saudi Arabian hooka with the charcoal on top and everything, and yeah I know that’s not what they’re for, but that was the best toke I can remember.

  11. Not only watching the thiefs run around like morons right before getting caught…

    But the fact that they were in there for over 5 minutes and failed to even “try” to steal anything of value (TV, Silver dining wear, crystal, etc…) has its own comedy.

    Just some punk kids looking for cash…

    Who do you think called the Cops the all so mighty Guard Dog?… or the Cat that sat starring at the thiefs for a few seconds undoughtedly thinking “just a few more seconds and then the real fun will begin!”.