472 – Hero Soup: 09


So how many times has this happened to you? You wake up late, hungover, a stranger in the bed with you, maybe of the wrong sex, maybe dead, and you just forget to say your morning prayers? Well worry no longer, because Information Age Prayer.com is here for you!

Information Age Prayer.com is the handy service, which, for an almost entirely insignificant fee, will program their text-to speech computers to “incant” your prayers for you, relieving you of the pesky burden of having to relate to god personally! All you have to do is visit the site, click the button for your religion to see the available prayers, (Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Unaffiliated, or Other Religion… in that order) choose the prayers you want the computer to incant to god for you, input your credit card number, and viola! Your stairway to heaven is guaranteed, all for the low, low price of  $3.95 per month, per daily prayer. (Extra special deals on bundled prayers!) And there are testimonials to prove that it works, so it’s obvious that god likes it too!

Information Age Prayer.com donates 10% of all proceeds to charity, keeping a mere 90% for themselves. I feel so spiritual right now.

19 Responses to 472 – Hero Soup: 09

  1. Yet another proof that religiousness makes people stupid.
    Those who actually use that service, I mean. Whoever set up that website obviously thought there’s a market there to be exploited and milked.

    This “service” dovetails nicely with all those website of Dominionists and other Rapture believers where The Faithful are looking for Tribulations Saints who will feed their pets after the selfproclaimed chosen ones have been raptured away into heaven.Complete with electrical counters that count down the days until the long awaited Armageddon. It bet those c locks get reset a lot, clandestinely of course. Wouldn’t want to ruin faith by facts.

    On the other hand, this is merely the latest, information-age version of prayer mills… or the habit of medieval kings and knights and whoever else had sinned (i.e. by killing on the battlefield even if it was killing “unbelievers” in the name of god) to give monks some money to say the prescribed number of prayers in their stead. If you had a lot of penance to do but no earthly way to do it yourself, hiring a whole bunch of monks to pray simultaneously meant spreading the load and reducing total time from decades or years down to months.

    Very popular esp in England, where sometimes whole monasteries were founded for this express purpose and got very very rich indeed, mostly because they were often paid in freeholds and estates, complete with the peasants who worked the land. So rich and powerful in fact that some centuries later the crown found it prudent to raze some of those monasteries and repossess the lands in an attempt to quell the influence of the Church in secular matters. The ruins of Glastonbury cathedral are still there to this day. All the lands around as far as you could see from the top of Glastonbury Tor once used to belong to the monastery.

  2. Wow. Distributed prayer… Medieval multi-tasking, perhaps? Either way, it’s one of the actually -intersting- bits of history, the sort of thing that would have had me actually awake in history class if we had ever gone into that sort of thing. (Two days on the -entire- chunk of European history from approximately 3rd century to the onset of the Renaissace, and maybe a month on the Renaissance, the rest on “American History” starting with “The colonies were founded; they broke away from England by having the Revolutionary war.” and then jumping ahead by almost a century and calling what follows “the only history you’re ever -really- going to need to know, never mind that most of it was either hopelessly skewed, totally fictitious, had been so thoroughly drilled into us that it was a surefire insomnia cure, or some combination of the three… And that was pretty much ALL of my school-based experience with history.) It’s amazing, really. I’ve learned more about what actually happened because of role playing games than I ever did in school… Gods, but I hate the American public school system. It doesn’t need a revamp, it needs to be destroyed and remade completely from scratch.

    Sorry for going off on my own rant there. Maybe I should start my own blog…

  3. I hated history most when it got to post Civil War history. Once they mention carpetbaggers and Whiggs it all just turns into politics and not really about what *actually* happened. Of course, when I took history, they pretty much stopped around the MLK time period, I’m sure kids these days actually make it to Reagan.

    Ancient / Midieval / Egyptian history is so much more interesting, well………..at least as presented on the History Channel. 😉

  4. IE, when it’s actually history, and not simply propaganda? Agreed.
    When I get to hell, I’m going to find the person who first decided it was cool to spew propaganda into kids’ minds rather than facts, and that person and I are going to have a long… talk… Political agendas do NOT belong in the classroom.

  5. What I think is funny is that god is normally kinda down on this sort of thing. “Easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a Miami hooker than for a rich man to take a Greyhound bus” and all that. But he’s apparently over it now. God doesn’t do his own promo but there are lots of folks willing to speak for him and talk about how you can use these computers to incant spells for you and manipulate god’s power to your own ends… and they all say it works! How great is that?

  6. I reckon God deletes 95% of all prayers unread as spam. Most prayers are sycophantic and whiney. “Oh great and glorious God, pleeeease help me.” If you really want to get His attention, you have to do some serious sinning (and then some serious repenting).

  7. See, THIS is why I’ll never make my fortune on the internet. I simply would never have come up with the idea of a “Prayer Website”. I mean seriously – for about a weekend’s worth of coding effort, I could get $3.95 per month per moron forever. (sigh) Yet another million dollar opportunity lost due to my underestimating people’s penchant for stupidity.

  8. Just went to the prayer site. Holy christ on a crutch is that stuh-oopid.

    For fun, I signed up for the free prayer. Due to overwhelming demand, it could take me a week to get it – unless I want to sign up.

    @Kroneg – Maybe their SEO sucks and we can just make their idea ours, but shinier and each get 50% of $3.95 per month per moron forever… wait… can your cows paint?

  9. hey kevin just wanted to let you know that we have new music up on youtube if you want a link let me know .
    that online prayer thing reminds me of “bruce almighty” when jim carrey set up a computer to answer all the prayers he receives.

  10. How very. . .medival. Seriously, this whole, ‘ the more prayers the holier’ reminds me of a lot of Medival Catholcism.
    What next, selling indulgences on e-Bay? Billionares purchesing bishophoods?
    To me, faith, and prayer, are personal things. It is between you and your diety. (if there’s is anyone on the other end of the line us another discussion entirely) This whole computerized prayer thing is just silly.
    Personally, I would only accept a prayer for me from a computer that passed a Turing test, that I knew as a friend.

  11. If I was god I’d totally accept computer prayers. If you go to heaven, you spend all eternity singing god’s praises… which frankly seems like a bum gig. My throat gets sore after a couple hours talking. I can’t think that god can really afford to be all that picky letting people in the door.

  12. This is the type of exploitation that gives us Christians a bad name…… There is always some wackjob willing to exploit those with less inteligence than them. I can only put my $3.95 in the coffee can and Pray there are not to many simple minded beleavers who realy think this will work. Sadly I know that this guy will prob be able to fund his wifes “augmentation” from those poor simple people who’s faith is stronger than thier minds.

    Then again I have always said the worst case for us Christians is “Christians”. To many who do not practice what they preach and forget what thier beleaf stands and even more who blindly follow doctrain and forget that Christ himself was a radical who tought us to question. Questioning, often leads to self examination, self examination leads to self awareness, self awareness leads to more understanding, and that more understanding leads to stronger faith. TOOO many just dont get that.

  13. Meh. The Church’s old job was to keep a lid on flying saucers and aliens. Now governments do that. This scam is no different from any other prayers for sale scam. Hint: they don’t actually say the prayers. Although here is my favorite message from the site (click on Other Religions):
    We apologize but other religions are not yet supported.
    Why do I get the feeling they never will be?

  14. Well, I have a question for you guys.

    If I have one follower obeying my commands (That is: Don’t bother with my commands, I’m too lazy to give you some), does that make me a god?

    Sadly, I should try to recruit more followers, but I’m too lazy to do it

  15. @Mclear: My questioning and greater understanding did not lead me to greater faith… except in myself.

    @Vincent: Well Vincent, can YOU prove you exist?

  16. Just when my faith in humanity is restored, THIS comes along. I can’t even choose to opt out of this exsistence because I’m too curious to see what fresh stupidity will come along for greed to exploit. I mean seriously people; is there that many out there that can’t get a clue even if it bit them on the ass and won’t let go? Oh, while I’m here I gotta say that while Terry Goodkind’s books are quite good, I can’t stand “Legend of the Seeker.”