NASA Murders Bat
A free tail bat hanging on to the side of the shuttle Discovery’s external fuel tank was murdered as NASA engineers gave the go-ahead for launch on mission STS-119. It is unclear how long NASA had been waiting for a bat to land on the fuel tank before they sprang their trap. A wildlife expert who works with NASA tried to shift blame to the bat by saying the animal had a broken left wing… but failed to mention how a broken winged bat could have flown up to land on the orange foam covered tank in the first place. (Free tail bats love oranges, which is likely why NASA chose that color for their tanks.) The ice inspection team noticed the bat first, and were careful not to disturb it lest it flee the carefully laid NASA bat-trap.
The bat clung to the foam of the external tank as long as his brave little bat-claws would hold him, before succumbing to a lack of breathable air and being whisked into the shuttle’s fiery exhaust of death.
NASA engineers celebrated their victory, even while the new Obama administration was opening a special task force to determine if space shuttle launches are the most economically efficient means for killing bats.