461 – Bringing the Hurt: 8

461

 

The British Local Government Association has passed a resolution banning the use of “impenetrable jargon” it feels hides the public sector from the… um… public. Many of the terms they have banned (there’s a list) are both funny and nonsensical, for instance “Coterminous Stakeholder Engagement,” which is used instead of “talk,” and “Predictors of Beaconicity” for… whatever that’s supposed to mean.

Others are funny for just being on the list. “Welcome” is a banned word, as is “Transparency, Streamlined,” and the best one to be included in a set of guidelines, “Guidelines.”

Next the Association plans on regulating street-level language it finds confusing, such as “Milf, Cougar, Bust a Cap in Yo’ Ass,” and “Rimjob.” The first two two terms are to be replaced with “Attractive Lady,” the third with “Aggravated Assault,” and the forth with “Holy Christ I’m Not Gonna Say That.”

13 Responses to 461 – Bringing the Hurt: 8

  1. lol sadly, that’s so true. One of the main points of contentions I have with rap, with all these morons listening it and taking it at face value. Note, I don’t mean morons = people who listen to rap, but, more sadly, morons = young brainless fools. We have the same guys in the black metal crowd, and it’s a pain in the ass.

    Speaking of black metal (the music I mainly listen to and love), it’s funny to note that, although very different from rap, they are very similar by their rich and colorful vocabulary: While rap is mostly about guns, money and booty, BM talks mainly about satan, infernal, and goats.

    Maybe the 2 could cooperate to create something even better, like…
    “I have a daemonic gun, yeah, yeah
    and cold… frostbitten… MONEEEEEY!!!!!
    And I summon you, baby, I call on you
    You’re my master, you’re my bitch
    You’re the goat I ride upon
    When I’ve crashed my car
    into a thrice-cursed church
    for your 666 booooobs
    So shake your booty, satan
    Shake your goatee for me
    Yeah yeah
    Shake your booty, Satan
    Show me your infernal ass”

    I’m sure this’d be great ^^

  2. That list reminds me of the old Dilbert mission statement generator (which I can’t seem to locate right now).

  3. There’s black metal? Isn’t it all just metal? I’m not trying to stir the pot at all, I truly didn’t know of this term… I gotta get out more… Of course, for me, there’s only heavy metal. 🙂

    I just Wiki’d the term, and I’ll be damned…. old dogs learn new tricks… and what’s this? Blackened death metal? I knew of blackened steak, but metal? Hmmm… wonder if I could start a band called Blackened Steak…??

    Oh, funny comic, Kevin! 🙂

    • Ya black metal is satanic (or at least has satanic themes), death metal is about death and dismemberment, stoner metal is, well that one is pretty self explanatory, hell there is even math-metal (Dillinger Escape Plan is one example). Really metal has so many sub-genres (and sub-sub-genres) that you could go crazy trying to learn them all.

  4. @Byron I’ve heard of “butt metal” in reference heavy metal too. I would google it to understand what it meant – but I’m too scared.

  5. Banning “welcome”??? What are they supposed to say instead??? This is just freakingly stupid.

    OTOH, the use of “Coterminous Stakeholder Engagement” and all is just…unbelievable.

    But how to you learn all this, kevin??? o_O

    About black metal, I have the adress of a very funny site (“how to make your own BM Band”), which descriptions, to my great shame, applies accurately to a fair number of bands I listen to: web.zone.ee/blackmetal/eng/main_eng.htm

  6. “But how to you learn all this, kevin??? o_O”

    I listen to a lot of cable radio while I work. When I hear something funny I make a note, and then when it’s time to write blogs I’ll look up my notes and find a real news source online.

    As far as sourcing my facts, (something that has been asked in the past) I’ll provide a link when I think of it or when I’m talking about something that seems like it needs to be verified… or like in this case when there’s a big list that I don’t want to reprint but I think folks might find amusing. I’m not so likely to source the post if I’m just relating something funny I heard. (Probably wouldn’t even think to do so.) I’m not trying to be a newspaper, I’m only here to amuse.