458 – Bringing the Hurt: 5



bartusekThis is George Bartusek, of Cape Coral, Florida. He brought a couple of friends with him to Publix in early February, (according to him) in order to buy them some clothes in a nearby Target store. George really liked his friends, and unfortunately for him his ardor grew out of control as the trio began a little ménage á trois in the front seat. Equally unfortunate was the fact that George’s two companions were blow-up sex dolls.

George had parked in the first space in the front of the Publix, and there was quite a crowd gathered when Officer Jeffrey Karau arrived on scene. Officer Karau confiscated George’s shorts, with “a large opening in the front” and had to provide George with a gown to wear for transportation since he wasn’t wearing any underwear.

This kind of thing is the exact reason Muslim fundies make their wimminfolk wear beehives. Just think of all the poor men, totally unable to control themselves, should they inadvertently catch sight of a female ankle. Total anarchy.

I’m just glad George didn’t go shopping with his mom. Ew.


28 Responses to 458 – Bringing the Hurt: 5

  1. I… I just… wow. I can’t even think of anything to say about that, it just blows my mind that far…

  2. I am in the unfortunate position of being reminded of a story a while ago about a man who decided that he would have sex.


    Next to a major rail line.

    With a goat…

    … It is things like this that make me think that there needs to be a cull on the human race.


  3. Well, in the old days, a black plague would come along every century or so and “thin out the herd” so to speak. But today, with all of our modern medicines, we live long, healthy lives. Mother Nature intended for stupid people to contract something and, well, move along in the food chain. You see it nature: survival of the fittest. But we humans let just any old fool live a long life and spread around more of that “dumb” DNA. Pretty soon, we’ll have folks just walking around so oblivious that Nature will take it’s course and “thin out the herd.”

    I’m not saying we need to have “Open Season” on stupid people like we do overcrowded deers in forest preserves, but Nature will find a way to settle all of this.

    In the meantime, we get some hilarious headlines! Nice one, Kevin!

  4. Actually, in the “old days” the stupid people held positions of power and killed the intelligent, inventive, or different because they were “heretics”. Earlier than that, they used the excuse that they weren’t Christian, or even earlier, that they followed just some other god, and so forth. That was, of course, on top of the plain old political murdering, war, and execution that happened from time to time.

    As for the black plague, that only happened once. Floods and severe weather were more the culprits (aside from huge armies of egotistical expansionists), and the thing about nature is that it is indiscriminate: it killed everyone. The bad thing is that the stupid people (now stupid *and* afraid) decided that it couldn’t be the filth they swam in daily that made them sick, it had to be the Jews and heretics. So rather than promoting intelligent solutions, the Inquisition started and the more frightened people started killing the calmer, smarter people. The result was the dark ages.

    The solution? Get intelligent, manipulative leadership so they can redirect public fear toward something more constructive. Or kill everyone.

  5. Hmm. Intelligent, manipulative leadership to redirect public fear? Sounds familiar … pretty sure that tends to go badly, too.

  6. “The solution? Get intelligent, manipulative leadership so they can redirect public fear toward something more constructive.”

    Isn’t that what Adrian did in the Watchmen? I believe the takeaway there was that it’s always a temporary solution. You really can’t ensure intelligent or benevolent leadership any further than one generation of leaders.

    As for killing everyone, (you sound kinda… angry, Devin) while that does solve the problem in a “My car is empty of gasoline… blow it up!” sort of way, I think it it would be both more practical and economical to only kill the people who are so bothered by the system they’d rather die than be any part of it.

    As for me, I enjoy complaining too much. 🙂

  7. Bad guy does something antisocial, authorities arrest him.

    This is not a problem. This is the system working!

    You can’t predict stuff like this happening and stop it from happening, all you can do is clear it up quickly when it does. Which is what happened. To talk of eradicating the stupid people smacks of eugenics and theocracy, there is no scientific definition for stupid, no guarantee that those designated as stupid will actually do something stupid, and no guarantee that those who aren’t won’t.

    There is no problem here in need of a solution.

  8. Blow-up dolls?! That’s truly pathetic. If the man wants to buy clothes for his sex toys, at least make them really upscale silicone sex dolls, like RealDoll, or the many Japanese models available. 😀 I think this weirdo had a fetish for being caught (or almost caught) in public. If anything, I think a crazy puritanical atmosphere is even more depraved, since it paints all (or too many) sex acts as being sinful and/or “evil,” in some way, so there’s less of a distinction between normal sex acts and sick fetishes.

    Re: Comic, is it just me, or is Freya WAY more cold blooded lately? Yikes!

  9. Actually, my only real worry with this guy with his dolls is that he might have traumatized some poor kid. As for the eugenics-y side of it, if he’s only having sex with dolls, he’s already removed himself from the gene pool. The problem with that is that some types of stupid aren’t just genetic, but can be brought on by seeing it done as well. Here’s hoping that his, um… public display… didn’t leave anybody with any serious mental scarring.

    Biggest problem with eugenics, besides the asshole way people go about it:
    the fact that the Nature vs. Nurture debate is a pile of festering manure. Very little in life is so simple as to be able to be boiled down to a “one or the other” situation. As for eugenics being inherently bad, sorry, but we ALL practice it to some extent, albeit probably unconsciously in most cases. To some extent, we select mates based on the qualities that we want to propagate. Know what that’s called, folks? Selective breeding. Eugenics, just without killing the offspring that don’t meet our standards.

    And I’m being bitchy and rambling. I blame lack of sleep. Sorry about that.

  10. Not to be deliberatively argumentative, but eugenics and selective breeding are not at all the same thing.

    Selective breeding occurs on a more or less ad hoc basis as mates attract each other by selective means. (Big boobs, big senses of humor, and big wallets.) Eugenics, on the other hand, is specifically the study (not even the actual practice) of deliberately breeding out “undesirable” traits from a particular gene pool of human beings.

    When you selected your mate did you stop to think, “Well, I’m doing my part to advance the study of keeping brown eyed people out of the gene pool!” For the sake of argument I’m going to assume you didn’t.

    In any case I didn’t.

    Oh, there were some kiddies exposed to Mr. Bartusek’s… well, exposed to Mr. Bartusek, and while there was much outrage all ’round, there was no talk of any “trauma.” I can’t actually imagine that something like that would be much more than a source of amusement to kids.

  11. Hm. Good point. It is the study, isn’t it… Bugger, I blame sleep deprivation and foul mood. As for selecting traits, well, not on a conscious level, but realistically, most of the traits we find desirable in a mate are because we want to pass those traits on to our descendants, at least in a general sense (health, attractiveness, intelligence, and so forth). No, admittedly, we don’t generally think about this, we just sort of select without conscious thought usually, but we do still select.

    I really need to learn to not post when I’m that tired, though, because you’re right, my logic was scrambled a bit…

  12. Survival of the sexy, baby. As time goes on, generations of people will just get sexier.

    Now let me tell you: a public ménage with blowup dolls, that sure isn’t a sexy trait.

  13. Stupid people don’t use contraceptives, so the stupid are at an evolutionary advantage, along with the sexy.

    Ten thousand years from now, we will be a civilisation of stupid, sexy people.

  14. Heh. Smart people become morlocks, and feed on the stupid people. You know? I can live with that. Eat the stupid! (-: Just not their brains, too much intellectual cholesterol…

  15. a friend of mine sent me this website that calculates what kind of d&d char you are in real life.it bases its findings on your answers to a series of questions.its kinda long but it was fun.it gives you race,class,lvl,and alignment.im a 5th lvl human bard neutral good.it clearly doesnt go on first edition rules though because ive never been a thief in my life(for those of you that dont remember or were too young a first edition bard started out as a fighter that cross-classed as a thief then cross-classed again to druid but was actually a bard a proper first lvl bard was effectively a 16th lvl char).yeah first edition bards were bad-asses.if yall are interested ill repost the link(with kevin and lena’s permission of course).

    oh and one more thing is the salt wind a spelljammer ship? because those are the only ships that i know of that could fly.

  16. @ Lord Clavdivs:

    Flying ships are not unique to the Spelljammer setting. While Spelljammer may have been the first official setting to feature such vessels in D&D (I have not verified that, so it may not be entirely true), it was not the last. The Mystara setting featured flying sailing vessels (see the Voyage of the Princess Ark series from Dragon magazine, Dawn of the Emperors, and Champions of Mystara to name a few). Also, flying vessels are a staple of the Eberron setting.

    And besides those, I’m sure you can find plenty of examples of flying ships in fantasy fiction and other non-game sources.

  17. I’d love to see that website Lord Clavdis. (If the comment says it needs moderation, it’s only because of the link. Hand out and I’ll okay it next time I come to the computer.)

    The Salt Wind was a normal ship that was enchanted by Martin during his brief stint as a god.

  18. Selective breeding, eugenics… My parents must have screwed up big time 😀

    Oh, and I’m a True Neutral Human Wizard (3rd Level)

  19. Yay!
    Chaotic Good Gnome Bard (2nd Level)

    Ability Scores:
    Strength- 11
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 13
    Intelligence- 14
    Wisdom- 13
    Charisma- 19