443 – Epilogue: 5


Check out strip #14!

Happy Friday the 13th, and welcomeΒ paraskavedekatriaphobics! Due to the rate of people staying in their homes out of aΒ paralyzingΒ sense of dread, (costing the US nearly a billion dollars in lost productivity every time it happens) Friday the 13th is actually a great day to get out and do something! Recent studies have shown an increasing trend towards the roads being safer and less crowded than other days, accidents overall are down, and horror movies are up.

Where did this superstition begin? Thanks for asking! When the Norse religion was supplanted by Christianity, the goddess Frigga (from whence we take the name Friday) was made to go live up in a cave in the mountains. Now because Frigga had been the goddess of love and beauty, and thus a hottie, Christianity necessitated that she also be a witch. So it was that every Friday, (which came to be known as the Witches’ Sabbath) Frigga invited her eleven BFFs, all witches too, along with the Christian devil, up to her cave to watch Twin Peaks and eat junk food. Thirteen in all, every Friday night.

You know that devil was catching mad nookie. Guess it wasn’t a bad day for everybody.

My grandmother was born on a Friday the 13th, as are one in two Republicans. Dick Cheney was not born on Friday the 13th, but he should have been. Jason Voorhees was never the Vice President of the U.S., although he is the second most senior Associate Justice of the Supreme Court. Without his hockey mask he looks just like Antonin Scalia. All great white sharks are born on Friday the 13th.

I think I’ll go buy a lotto ticket! I’m feeling lucky!


16 Responses to 443 – Epilogue: 5

  1. If by “like” you mean “think this is a sad, sick example of people with their heads firmly shoved up their asses,” then you would be absolutely correct. I do. Also, it makes me angry, and I think it’s a perfect example of why god is a dick.

    Sorry… I haven’t had my breakfast yet today…

  2. I wasn’t born on a Friday, but my 13th birthday occurred on Friday the 13th. Maybe I shoulda gone into politics?

  3. [insert tongue in check] If the excommunication is supposed to be showing “Church law” as being above “human law”, I think a couple of “contributing” individuals were missed. The girl is above the age of seven, thus under church law she is responsible for her actions. Without the actions of the girl and her step-father cum rapist the abortion certainly never would have occurred.

  4. “this is a sad, sick example of people with their heads firmly shoved up their asses”
    loool yes, something like that.

    I think this sadly illustrates 2 things:
    – The disconnection between the church and basic human realities, where doctrinal matters become more important than actual people
    – The… is “disdain” the right word? Contempt maybe? in which the church still views women. Their role is to bear children, and we don’t care if they die or suffer in the process. Gloups.

    Gary: Yeah, that’s the way to go! πŸ˜€ Excommunication for everyone! πŸ˜€

  5. Don’t forget that god’s law is concerned with the spiritual “forever and ever” world, against which our mortal lives are not even a measurable speck. We therefore have all of eternity to reflect on how awesome god was for having given us the opportunity to suffer such “short-lived” pain, suffering, and indignity in exchange for the fabulous coolness of being allowed to sing about how super-fantastic god is WITHOUT END, FOREVER UNTIL THE END OF NEVER, BECAUSE IT NEVER ENDS. Now regardless of the value you place on this cosmic booby-prize you have to admit that it’s a dick-move to place eternity against the actions taken while our souls are still trapped in bodies totally incapable of even conceiving of what that eternity might look like, feel like, or value as.

    So I return to my original assertion, that god is a dick.

    • “The 1 leading cause of athiesm in the world today is Christians.
      Who profess Jesus with thier lips and deny him by thier lifestyles.
      This is what an unbleaving world finds unbaleavable.”…DC Talk

      The problem is not with beleaf, its with the improper oginization of said beleaf and the overal “DOCTRINE’ followed without question by most within that beleaf.

      That is why I do not agree with orginized religion for the most part…. If you take the “Doctrine and Orginization out of the picture” religion at least in my case makes a lot more sense.

  6. As far as Friday the 13ths go, one of my best days ever was on a Friday the 13th. Thus, it’s my lucky day. And tonight I plan to get lucky *wink wink*. As for the whole religion thing…I don’t subscribe. I did slam the door in the face of a couple mormons the other day, but I only did it cause I was in a bad mood anyway. Poor guys. I look at the retarded kids out shopping with their mom wearing a helmet and constrained to a wheelchair for the next ten years of sad existence before they die of some disease that they didn’t so much contract as just get screwed into being born with and think to myself that there’s no way a just God could accept that. It sucks balls for that kid, his/her mom, their whole family, the state that has to help support him/her, and every person at the store that sees that kid and can’t help but feel awful just for being normal. You’re right Kevin. God is a dick.

  7. Well, at least, agnosticism makes more sense in that way. Too bad we killed the cathars back in the 13th century. Their idea of a material world ruled by an “evil god” actually made sense.

  8. Ok. So I know that God doesn’t need a defender; he could fry your …erm, derriers…whenever he wants to. But I just don’t know if you guys are cranky or if you really believe the stuff you say. So… *Dons armor*

    “you have to admit that it’s a dick-move to place eternity against the actions taken while our souls are still trapped in bodies totally incapable of even conceiving of what that eternity might look like, feel like, or value as.”

    I dunno if you think God weighs what you’ve done as the chance to get into Heaven, or what. He doesn’t. If you believe in Jesus, He accepts you because your sins are forgiven. He isn’t asking us to be perfect, because we’re not. But belief=eternal happiness? That’s a pretty good offer to me.

    “I look at the retarded kids out shopping with their mom wearing a helmet and constrained to a wheelchair for the next ten years of sad existence before they die of some disease that they didn’t so much contract as just get screwed into being born with and think to myself that there’s no way a just God could accept that.”

    God IS just. What if He controlled everything? Our actions, our thougts, our feelings? No unnecissary deaths, no pain, no suffering, no loss. Nothing bad, ever. No sickness or disease. Perfection. Heaven on Earth.
    But let me ask you this: Is a willing slave, or an unknowing slave, or a slave without chains…free…Or is he just a slave? If you love someone, don’t you want them to be able to make their own choices? Parents let their children drive, and do sports, and all kinds of dangerous things. Yes, they could get hurt. Yes, they could die. And yes, it might not be their fault-it could be just a chance. A one-in-a-million chance, and their child is the One. But do our parents lock us in the basement, or a bunker, away from everything, to keep us safe? Because safe we would be. Nobody could hurt us. We would probably live to a ripe old age in a bunker. But who wants to live like that, anybody?
    It’s not God’s fault that there is pain and suffering. He doesn’t like it. But if you don’t go to your parent with a problem, to talk it out or whatever, doesn’t the problem grow?
    I know people who have “crossed over” and come back. I know some who don’t HAVE God, and their life is shit, it really is~there isn’t enough money in the WORLD to make me take their place. I know one who felt suffocated under the world until he prayed for the first time.

    If you have doubt, or fear, or pain, God is the Healer. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Light.


  9. hmm… thanks for putting it back in perspective I’ve had a mentally excused day and i am jonesing from the lack of coffee and sleep but seroiusly would we be as entertaining if we followed a script?

    im not say good doesn’t know everything were going to do he just knows every possible out come and path to its own end and prefers to let us choos like one of those choose your own adventure books.

    if you agree turn to page 4
    if you don’t agree turn to page 6
    if you just want a another comic page turn to 444

  10. @ Sorceress Kira and Gromire: First, I want to emphasize that all opinions are welcome here. The only people who ever get deleted are spammers and flamers. I want to see what you have to say.

    That said, just so we know where we all sit, I am a proud atheist. My life is wonderful and fulfilling, and I frequently sit and think that I weren’t me I should be terribly jealous. My world is full of love and friends and engaging discussions… much like this one. I am already partial to you for no other reason than you stopped in and said hi… that you would take the time to share your thoughts with me I consider an act of kindness and companionship.

    But I do disagree with you.

    When said “god is a dick,” what I really meant was “god would be a dick if he existed, the notion of which I find preposterous.” So I guess you’re right, that wasn’t really my belief. Therefore, the argument of whether or not a person who doesn’t exist is just or not is kind of beside the point. However, since I do think that if god DID exist he would be a dick, I’ll entertain the hypothetical.

    Mom and Dad may have created their child, but they aren’t responsible for it’s form. If they were, they might have created a child that would have been infinitely happy playing with a ball of yarn, or one that didn’t want to pull the pot of scalding water off of the stove onto itself. Or maybe they felt that would be too limiting, so they might have created a child that already knew what the consequences of it’s actions would be, and could make the best decisions for itself right out of the gate… or at least be informed about the bad ones. One thing they probably would not do is release their child into the house unattended by anything other than a book they got a neighbor to write for them, full of contradictory instructions and confusing meanings. They probably wouldn’t hide in the rafters and erase all tangible evidence of their having ever been from the child that they loved so much, so that he might grow up to think they never existed at all… at which point they would condemn him to death for the sin of not believing.

    They’d have to be real dicks to do that.

  11. God and gods were useful constructs in earlier ages, when there was little or no science around to help people understand how the world worked. But the more knowledge and understanding we gather, the less relevant the god-construct becomes. However much believers resist it, scientific explanations for things have supplanted supernatural explanations for things at a steady rate over the last 1300 years or more. Of course there isn’t a scientific explanation for absolutely every natural phenomenon (yet), if there was nothing left to learn there would be no further point in science. But lack of a scientific explanation is not automatically proof that there must be a supernatural explanation.

    The only areas where religion maintains a prominence above science are matters spiritual. Atheists would argue that matters spiritual are by definition unscientific, and thus irrelevant to anyone but religious philosophers.

    If God is a fiction, there is no point trying to divine his motives. Even if God exists and is a being beyond our capability of understanding, there’s no point trying to divine his motives. If we are ever capable of understanding God’s motives, then God becomes just another predictable phenomenon, subject to known rules and logic – not, in fact a god at all, just a natural creation with the appearance of god-like properties. So there is really no point at all in trying to work out what the hell God was thinking.

  12. @Noodlebug: Soundly reasoned and stated. But of course I must disagree with you too. There is in fact a very good reason to attempt to ferret out god’s motives, whether you believe in him or not. It is extremely entertaining.

  13. I think you’ve got Freya and Frigga mixed up.

    Frigga is Odin’s misus. (Aesir)

    Freya (Vanir) is goddess of love, beauty etc.

  14. Many people have mixed up Freya and Frigg(a), including, most likely, the Norse. While Freya is the goddess of love and fertility, crops and elves, Frigga (in addition to being Odin’s wife) was the goddess of love and fertility, marriage and motherhood. There is discussion as to whether they are even distinct goddesses, perhaps being different forms of the same one.

    The particular legend (which is a sort of post-norse christian myth) cites Frigga as the goddess in the cave, so that’s what I went with. Reading technically, however, everything you said in your post is precisely true. πŸ™‚