441 – Epilogue: 3



Having lived here in Florida my whole life, I have had plenty of run-ins with seagulls. They are fast, sneaky, and possessed of amazing chutzpah. They are however, birds, and they know it. Their modus operandi is to steal your shit and get gone as fast as their feathered butts can move. (I watched helplessly one time as a gull stole the pepperoni from my pizza as it was moving towards my face. At a range of zero, there was nothing I could do.)

Enter Dragan Djuric and his wife, walking along the boardwalk in Laguna Beach, her with an ice cream cone… I think you can see where this is headed. Unfortunately for the gulls, Dragan happened to be carrying a stick at the time and beat one gull to death, and injured a second. Unfortunately for Dragan, the birds were the rare and federally protected Heeman’s Gulls, and the much beset Mr. Djuric is now looking at formal charges.

Revenge may be sweet, but it’s not as sweet as shrugging your shoulders and going back to buy your wife another ice cream would have been.

(P.S. Mr. Djuric claims he was viciously attacked by the gulls and was merely defending himself and his good lady wife. Witnesses who commented say it was Dragan who went after the gulls. I can even understand the impulse, and don’t really fault the brutal lying thug for it.)

8 Responses to 441 – Epilogue: 3

  1. i live on the south coast (texas) and know all about seagulls and their attitudes. for those that dont know because they are landlocked the best ive seen them described in a movie was Finding Nemo. all the gulls could say was “mine mine mine?” that has got to be the most accurate description i have ever seen and all my surfer friends (i surf too) that have seen this movie agree to that fact.we have a thing we tell tourists around here “DONT FEED THE SEAGULLS PLEASE” cause we all dont want to get $h!t on as they fly around.but the tourists usually feed them anyways just to watch them catch food out of the air they think its cool but we know better.its also illegal to harm a gull here punishable by a fine and jail time. that goes for any type of gull of which we have several types

    loving the comic

    p.s. never feed a seagull alka-seltzer they WILL eat it

  2. Hmm, Seguls are quite aggressive here as well, but I don’t think that they are protected, however leaving broken and bloody seagull corpses around, probably won’t endear you to anyone.

    I wonder what they taste like?

    In the UK, the idea of being landlocked is quite strange. Drive about 60 miles in the right direction, and you will be able to get to the sea.

    About the comic, if someone can’t pay for being brought back to life, do they get killed again?

    He should be a fisherman on Runescape. You get about 200gp per lobster. Pay off that debt in about 5 mins.


  3. We have seagulls here in the UK who have never seen the sea and are as far from the sea as you can get on this island. They aren’t much trouble though – if you want really vicious seagulls, visit the Farne Islands (northeast England) during nesting season. A combination of sparse resources and a mass of competition means anything that will help snug up their nest is fair game – they’re particularly fond of human hair, regardless of who its attached to.

    I would honestly rather face Steven Seagal than a Farne Islands seagull.

    • I just had a vision of Steven Seagal running in to snatch my piece of pizza as I was casually strolling the boardwalk. LOL.

      Then again, he doesn’t seem like much of a pizza eater.

  4. Heh, seagulls were so ubiquitous at my high school, that everyone that I knew had been pooped on at least once by the time they had graduated. I was fortunate to have only been pooped on once. The style at the time was to wear an open flannel shirt over a T-Shirt. I just got it on my shoulder, so I took off the flannel and wore the T-Shirt the rest of the day. A good friend of mine got it square between the eyes. That was a drag. So, yeah, I hate seagulls too. They’re the rats of the sea.

  5. Heh, I live near Chicago and we have seagulls from Lake Michigan out here in the farmlands of the west suburbs hanging around the WalMart parking lot eating the french fries from the Burger King. We’re 40 miles west and yet here they are. They have a plan of letting us fall complacent and then WHAM! Steal all our french fries in a vain attempt to take over the world.

    “You thinking what I’m thinking, Pinky?”
    “Narf” goes the seagull…

  6. I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. I am completely landlocked, but we have LOTS of seagulls here. I have taken to calling them Garbage Gulls as they seem to live where ever there is garbage.

    I actually got bit my one once walking to a mall. It was trying to get at a half eaten sandwich in a plastic bag. Apparently I got too close to it because the damn bird bit me, squawked, then proceeded to fly away with the sandwich. I had to go to a medicentre and get a few shots. It was not a fun day, but it did get me out of school for the afternoon.