Hey, good news everyone! Now that Tom Daschle has joined Tim Geithner as the latest presidential cabinet pick not to pay his taxes, we are only one more tax cheat away from activating the secret appointment tax clause in the United States Constitution… which reads thusly:
In the event that any newly elected president shall appoint three tax cheats to his cabinet, the entire nation shall be off the hook for their taxes until the end of that president’s final term in office. Furthermore, all webcomic artists shall be considered to be the new “beautiful people,” and shall be conveyed in chariots made of candy and porn, drawn by twelve lovely women who shall eschew clothing at all times and alway let their artist win at video games.
I guess the bad economy has hit bigwig government types too. I have several friends now who have lost their jobs due to contractions in the workplace. (The kind of jobs you don’t think that people lose. Legal jobs, upper management jobs, construction contracting and real estate jobs.) Frankly though I have to admit I’m a little insulted by these guys who don’t pay their taxes, especially seeing where they come from and what they’re failing to pay for. Not paying taxes on your hired help? Your 90k speaking fees? Your goddamn free chauffeured limousine? I have no hired help. I’m not even certain I could get a job as hired help. I don’t collect speaking fees… Dragon*con wouldn’t even give me a free ticket. I sure as hell don’t have anyone providing me with a chauffeured limo… and I can barely afford the gas to go visit my dying grandmother once a week. But one thing I can keep up with is paying my fucking taxes.
Now I’m sure that these assholes have much more complicated taxes than I do. I am equally sure that they can afford someone to do their taxes and relieve them of the burden. Giethner said he forgot… twice… after having been “reminded” by the IRS, and Daschle says he picked up the wrong form at the Post Office. Neither said “My accountant screwed it up.” So let me give you two dipshits a piece of somewhat less-than-friendly advice. Use a computer. It generates all the forms you need, and as long as you answer the questions it asks… and it will ask you… then your taxes will be done correctly. Any idiot can do it… even you.
It looks as though both of these guys will be confirmed, despite their issues with the IRS. I am an Obama supporter, but I think this is a mistake. I think it says that the law is only for the little guy, and for when people are looking. A coach throws his best player out if that guy is breaking the rules, and it makes for a stronger team in the long run. And a stronger team is what we need.
Speaking as the little guy, and addressing the certain to come pronouncements of “I’m so sorry to have disappointed the people of this great nation, and blah, blah, blah…” let me say this; you have disappointed us, now go home and let someone more trustworthy have a shot. You had yours.
(Alternatively I’d like to ask Obama to select just one more tax cheat. I can’t wait for my new chariot!)