An animal center near Toronto caught fire and burned down a week ago, killing 100 cats, as well as a few dogs and some pet rats. The Toronto Fire Department said that the fire was started by mice chewing through the wires in the attic. The mice doubtlessly died in the fire as well.

What makes suicide arsonistΒ mice go after unsuspecting cats in this way? Is it video games? Tom and Jerry cartoons? Religion? Sadly no. While these would all be excellent reasons to murder people at the cost of your own life, mice do it simply because they are very, very stupid.Β 

You see, wrapping yourself up in a dynamite undershirt and wiping out a school bus full of kids is so cool, Allah will give you 72 crystal raisins for it. (Virgins was likely a mistranslation. Sorry! Eat ’em slow, they have to last for eternity!) Shooting down a cafeteria of high schoolers while you’re in the middle of Grand Theft Auto IV will get your manifesto read on the news the world over. But sacrifice yourself to take out a hated enemy just because you’re too dumb not to bite into an electrical wire? Well that’s just a joke.

Get it? If I kill me to kill you because I’m stupid, then that’s just stupid. But if I kill me to kill you because of a stupid reason, then that’s smart! And that’s why terrorists are smarter than mice!

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