How much extra trouble do you have to go to in order to make a firelog that doesn’t burn? We bought a case of Duraflame firelogs a couple of weeks ago when the weather turned cold. Might as well have bought a case of rocks. I mean think about that. A fake log, made entirely of flammable materials, the sole purpose of which is to burn… and it doesn’t.

Maybe Christopher Lloyd should have built his house out of Duraflame!


Lena and I have been overhauling our dining room trying to create a fun gaming environment. The old room had a sort of Alice in Wonderland theme to it… and while it was fun, we were both kind of over it.

We decided to go with a taverny feel, so it would still be appropriate as a dining room, but a medieval taverny feel, so it would also be a cool place for D&D. We painted and glazed, got a new table and chairs, replaced the sconces and got a couple of decorations… but we still needed a centerpiece.

  • Noon, Saturday the 8th of November: Lena and I are in St. Augustine. We have had an Inspiration. The only hanging light fixture we have seen Costs Way Too Frigging Much, so we have decided to build our own. We are in St. Augustine collecting fallen branches from the twisty little scrub-trees that grow there near the ocean. We fill the trunk and the back seat with branches.
  • 10:30 AM, Friday the 21st of November: I have been driving around with the car full of dead tree branches for nearly two weeks. I finally have had enough and drag them all out of the car and onto the porch, where I can begin some proper procrastinating.
  • 2:05 PM, Tuesday the 25th of November: For the past five days I have put off doing anything meaningful in order to keep my time open for making the hanging light. The practical upshot of which is that I have been filling my waking hours with meaningless tasks instead, in order to avoidmaking the hanging light. I finally relent and go out onto the porch and put the thing together. It takes about an hour.
  • 3:28 PM, Friday the 28th of November: It’s raining outside and the hanging light is on the porch, getting rained on. I (reasonably) conclude that I should wait a few more days before wiring it up.
  • 11:14 AM, Monday the first of December: The hanging light is wired up, and it’s hanging. Unfortunately the lights we installed into the piece no longer work. I looked them up online and the very first item on the company website was important instructions NEVER to install the lights in any kind of permanent fixture. Sigh.
  • 10:50 PM, Monday the first of December: After spending an entire day buying and installing it, we now have the hanging light that Costs Way Too Frigging Much in our dining room. It was nearly impossible to put up, and my shoulders are killing me from spending hours with arms raised above my head, holding up chains and wood and lights, but we are done.

In the end, I can only shake my head and laugh at the pain and expense it took to get everything to look old and rustic. Still, given the results thus far, I’d have to say it’s been worth it. We still want some decorations for the walls, weapons, a tapestry, a sign for the tavern, that sort of thing… and we found a place that will print out cling plastic sheeting we can use to make faux stained glass windows. When we’re done, it should be great.

Until then, I’ll have to content myself with not being able to raise my arms above my waist.

4 Responses to 370

  1. I didn’t know his house burned down! I need to watch TV more often…

    This almost reminds me of the beer commercials… “Tastes great!” “Less filling!” Umm-Umm, gud! 🙂