Well guys, it’s finally happened. With your proud support HOLE has carried away the brass ring of all web-comicdom… the prestigious and coveted Nugatory Picayune American Comics Award!
The “Nougats,” as they are commonly called, (for the one guy living under the trash can who doesn’t know this already) are awarded once every five years in a variety of categories by a five-star panel of judges. It is an amazing honor to even be considered. Every contestant is considered to be smarter and better looking than everyone he or she knows.
This year, HOLE swept the categories of “Best webcomic about a fantasy adventure written and illustrated a guy named Kevin,” “Best role playing game parody by a gamer who is actually married, and lives in Jacksonville, Florida,” “Best comics-related merchandising by someone who obviously has no idea what he is doing,” and finally, “Outstanding recognition of a comic that has continued to be produced long, long after everyone else thought it should be killed, burned, and its ashes fed to chickens.”
This year’s judges panel was made up of Lena Shore, Kristin Shore, and Guinness Shore. The random nature of the judges’ selection makes this year’s panel all the more incredible, given that they are (in order) my amazing and talented wife, my delightful and charming sister, and my intelligent and recently bathed dog. This year’s judges have served with particular distinction and high-minded objectivity, as is evidenced by the fact that I won.
Other categories included “Best use of the word ‘thaumaturgy’ in a grocery store,” “Most interesting hair,” “Excellence in the use of a personal blog to make people think you are more important than you actually are,” “Largest feet,” “Imaginations in cooking,” (awarded to the individual who can come up with the most ways to serve Doritos as a meal) and the crowd favorite, “the Lifetime Achievement award in coming up with something funny to say over the weekend.” I am slightly embarrassed to report that I have won all of these categories as well. (Except for the Lifetime Achievement award in coming up with something funny to say over the weekend, a new category which Lena, in yet another outstanding display of objectivity, both created and awarded to herself.)
In closing, I would just like to say thanks once more to you, the little people who have made all of this possible. It wasn’t you who made me as great and wonderful as I have become, but without you there’d be no one else to appreciate how award-worthy I truly am… and that would be a real crime.