235-Falling for Bunker

Okay, let’s see what we have here…

First, it has come to my attention that some past blog entries are not showing up for all people. I have personally looked into this and have been able to replicate the problem on my own computer. So let me assure you that this is in no way the fault of anyone out there or their own machines. This is entirely Microsoft’s fault.

As the most widely used platform for web browsing in the world, created by the most successful software company ever, the irony-minded among us might well expect for Internet Explorer to be the biggest piece of crap out there. As it turns out, they would be correct. I have heard on so many occasions from my web-designer wife, as well as her web-designing friends, that if there is ever a problem reading their work, it is always withExplorer. The really fun bit is that often whatever Explorer doesn’t like it simply leaves out (like my blogs!) so the user doesn’t necessarily even know they’re missing anything! There’s just a hole there where a H.O.L.E. should be. I recommend Firefox to those who would prefer to be able to see everything they were intended to, rather than just what Microsoft’s sick pup is able to show.

But have no fear! I have Top People working ’round the clock on this problem so that you, dear reader, can go back and read whatever blogs you wish! Throw off the shackles of corporate domination! Revolt! Revolt!

I saw that dog again! The mommy dog carrying the pink stuffed rabbit? Only this time it was carrying a completely different stuffed animal and seemed to be more or less walking along with a homeless couple (Crazy Asian Pooping Lady and her “husband”) beside the creek. Lena has suggested that perhaps the dog is actually an angel who watches over the homeless around our neighborhood. That’s kind of a cool idea. Maybe she can get them to stop stealing the flowers out of people’s front yards.

Well the long-awaited (little bit of sarcasm there) animated adaptation of Tracy Hickman and Margaret Weis’ Classic D&D Dragonlance novels has arrived on DVD. Let me tell you my friends, if you’ve ever wondered why the rest of the world views D&D players as a bunch of semi-retarded mouth-breathing pariahs look no further. Apparently WotC was trying to embarrass us out of ever playing again.

While somehow pulling from the top shelf with their voice-acting talent (Kiefer Sutherland, Lucy Lawless, Michael Rosenbaum, Michelle Trachtenberg, Jason Marsden) the directing of these actors was so bad that almost none of their talents were allowed to shine through. Compounding the problem was the horrible sound mixing which constantly drowned out what anyone was saying with omnipresent and characterless music. Kiefer Sutherland in particular was simply impossible to hear in many places as the often under spoken Raistlin. I can only assume that the actors had no idea at all what the final result of their labors would be.

The look of the “movie” was G.I. Joe-era bad animation which was slightly mitigated in its awfulness by thereally bad mid-nineties style CGI in which the majority of the villains were rendered, making the rest of the piece look better in comparison. One neat trick accomplished here was that the two different types of animation were rendered in two different resolutions. This means that watching Dragonlance on even a moderately sized TV will display visually sharp CGI monsters directly interacting with slightly fuzzed-out conventionally animated characters.

Oh god what a mess.

Lena and I watched the Superbowl on Monday. We had unbreakable plans Sunday night so we Tivoed the game and didn’t watch or listen to the outside world until after we had seen the whole thing.

A) The Game: Best Superbowl I ever watched. A stellar game, exciting and surprising down to the final minutes. I was happy I watched it.

B) The Commercials: First runner up… The Doritos commercial with the mousetrap. Absolutely classic. Winner… E-Trade commercials with the baby. These carried the night, and I’m a guy who really hates talking baby crap. Just amazingly well executed. Oh and by the way, if your commercial isn’t funny, I don’t care about it.

C) The Announcers: From the very beginning when one of the announcers on the field asked a Giants player to comment on the enormity of his team making it all the way to the Superbowl, (enormity means “monstrous evil”) to no one in the studio for the biggest sporting event on earth being available to tell Troy Aikman that his headphones were making his hair stand up in back like a pissed-off rooster staring at a mirror, the announcers were a joke. Priceless observations such as “Now you know, in most games, the highest scoring team in the first half will walk into the second half of the game feeling like they’re winning.” lend an occasion like the Superbowl all the gravitas and dignity it can stomach.

Me too.

 

All in all a wonderful evening of football. Overproduced, overhyped and overcommercialized, it has become a parody of itself. Now THAT’S television worth watching!

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