We live in a two-story house in an old neighborhood. Next door is a large red-brick building with a green ceramic roof, and a small alleyway between. This building houses apartments upstairs, a few businesses downstairs. There is a balcony where the closest tenant keeps his plants, lets his dog lie in the breeze, and spends time with his friends when the evenings are nice, which they most often are. This balcony is directly across the alleyway from our bedroom, and faces a french door to nowhere on the side of our house, left over from the days when our home had been divided into separate apartments. We keep a curtain drawn across the windows of the door, both for our privacy and his.
One night, I was awakened by strange noises coming from outside the house. Curious, but suspecting what I would find I pulled the curtain back as little as possible and peeked out. Our neighbor and his girlfriend were both completely naked and having sex about fifteen feet from where I stood. Now there is an odd thing that occurs when your neighbors are having sex in full view of a hidden position. People who would never consider buying porn or even look over a shoulder at a Playboy will pop popcorn, mix drinks and pull up deck chairs for a free, live show. (The answer to the question you are asking right now is yes. They were both very attractive.) So I watched, thinking I wanted to go get my wife out of bed so she could see too?but having been chastised the night before for waking her with my snoring?I let her lay.
The next morning I told her about the neighbor’s nocturnal activities and was soundly scolded for NOT waking her for the free entertainment, neighbor sex ranking considerably higher than snoring on the list of things a body is willing to be woken up for. I told not to fear, I was pretty sure I had heard those same noises before and would again. Additionally another of my gaming buddies had witnessed the neighbor receiving an oral gift from his lovely lady-friend a week or so earlier, so we really had every reason to expect continued performances.
That night was our D&D night, and my wife regaled our players with the tale of my transgression the night before. Yes, I was an idiot and didn’t wake her up?yes, they were really naked?yes, it was that big?and so on. We began play and the incident became just another subject of jokes around the table.
Until about 11:00. At that time, one of my players (I will call her Loretta?not her real name) spied the neighbor and his lady exiting his apartment for the balmy breezes of the balcony. Pointing a finger (in our brightly lit dining room) she screeched “THERE THEY ARE!” to all and sundry. I and my wife headed under the table while the rest of the room exploded into raucous laughter and a few rushed to the widows to see. Now, as I mentioned earlier, the balcony is perhaps fifteen feet from my bedroom, and the dining room is directly below that. Also, I had been awakened myself by their soft moaning, which was certainly nowhere near the volume of Loretta’s shriek.
We never saw our neighbor enjoying his balcony as much ever again. Soon afterwards, he even broke up with that particular girl, and rarely, if ever, even brings the new ones outside. Loretta laughs about the whole thing now, but I am wistful?and my wife, who never saw anything, has never forgiven her.