What is H.O.L.E.?

HOLE, the Musical!

Bunker: (Human Fighter, Alignment: Good) Bunker is the leader of H.O.L.E. and fortunately one of its slightly more responsible members. He is a man with a secret, one he’s unwilling to share with even his closest friends. (I know what it is, but since I don’t want to have to come back and rewrite this paragraph anytime soon, you’ll all have to wait for it!) Armed with his trusty green-hilted sword Homage, Bunker is actually looking to do a little good in the world.

Being basically open and kindhearted, Bunker often wears that heart on his sleeve, He has at various times developed crushes on Fleece, Freya, and most recently Samantha, the leader of her own group of hardy adventurers. (That one was kinda hard on him, when she died and all. He’s better now.)

Who Doesn't Like Bunnies?

Morty: (Dwarf Cleric, Alignment: Lawful Good) Morty wants to help people, but the truth is, he’s never really gotten a good handle on this whole alignment thing. It almost seems as if he picked his out of a cereal box. He worships the dwarven god Lageron and his heavenly concubine G’ale, creators of the dwarven race, but much better known for being the gods responsible for beer.

The last time Morty was killed, he was reincarnated as a short, squat, dwarf-sized troll. The party gave him a hat of disguise to hide his warts and make him look like a proper dwarf again. The one thing that no one anticipated was that he would continue to grow to the size of a tall, rubbery, troll-sized troll. Thankfully he had his hat!

Since then, Morty was affected by the broad curse that Swillsberne Rocschlassen placed on the beer served for Oktoberfest which turned all the drinkers into furries. Now a bunny rabbit, Morty is mostly just glad he didn’t end up like his cousin Gilbert, who was transformed into a four-foot-long goldfish.

Still Smells Like an Orc

Enkidu: (Half-Orc Fighter/Wizard, Alignment: Unaligned) Raised in the human city of Brighthaven and schooled in the finest institutions, Enkidu is not your typical half-orc. In fact, he considers himself an orc first and last and reacts poorly to those who refer to him as being half-human. Enkidu’s overarching goal is to reunite the orcish tribes and lead a grand campaign to knock the humans out of the dominant spot in the world.

After meeting Ferris the wizard, Enkidu has decided that perhaps there is more to magic than scorching ray after all, and has applied himself a bit more in this area. Why, with all those spells available, there must be dozens of ways to set fire to people!

After putting on a cursed belt, Enkidu was changed into a female half-orc. A born misogynist, Enkidu is now at great odds with himself… (herself?) and is having serious doubts about being able to adventure at all.

Providing Cleavage to Fine Webcomics Everywhere!

Freya: (Human Fighter, Alignment: Good) From faraway Calypsia in the Bulwark Islands, Freya is a professional adventurer. She has spent much time wandering the world and sailing the oceans of Lesser Earth. In combat she is dizzyingly effective with her glaive, and is a superior tactician. Needless to say, she feels completely wasted in this collection of jackasses.

Her trials include memory loss, being taken advantage of by a certain unnamed half-orc named Enkidu, unwanted advances from Bunker, unwanted inattention from Bunker, squabbling with the DM, and being turned into a vampire. Still, she keeps playing, so her pain threshold must not have been hit yet!

Recently Freya decided to switch classes (the less said about that process the better) and is now a monk. Though she offered an excuse for the switch, it’s a safe bet that the real reason for it is simply that she likes the feel of punching people in the face.

Does This LOOK Like Medium Rare?

Martin: (Human Warlock, Alignment Evil) Staunch defender of his perfectly game-balanced class, (in his opinion) Martin is is a constant source of amusement… to himself. Though he does seem to care about his fellows, he doesn’t seem quite capable of thinking of them as equals. More like cats that are fun to poke at with a stick.

Martin has been plagued by his vampire of a father, Drago. After dying and being turned into a literal vampire, Drago tried to eliminate Martin and was himself done away with. (See “Martin’s Song,” from Book One of the Heroes of Lesser Earth, “Running With Broadswords.”) Or so Martin thought. Now Drago has popped up again on a deserted island a thousand miles from where he was supposedly destroyed. He may not be a good parent, but he’s a persistent one.

These days Martin seems to spend increasing amounts of time trying to… express himself… and his true proclivities away from Bunker’s disapproving gaze. It may not be easy being green, but it’s damned difficult being evil in a group of do-gooders.

Number 3

Fleece: (Wood Elven Rogue/Swashbuckler, Alignment Evil) Fleece isn’t technically a character at all, being Martin’s cohort and therefore part of his character. Setting aside the possibly masturbatory nature of their relationship, Fleece does bring a lot to the table for a group of adventurers. Especially a group that left home without a rogue. She is highly skilled at the dungeoneering aspects of roguery, such as traps and locks, and seems to be greatly adept at retrieving items people may have thoughtlessly left discarded in their pockets.

There have been 3 Fleeces so far in the group, owing to a bit of fluff Martin added to her character sheet about Fleece having an endless parade of identical sisters all named Fleece and ready to take over in case something happened to the previous one. This most recent seems to be a particular expert at removing organs the owners once thought they couldn’t live without. (Turns out they were right.) She thinks of it as lethal pickpocketing.

Where Are My Pants?

Zobbie: (Human Druid, Alignment Unaligned) Though Zobbie’s vocabulary increased mightily when he ate and was possessed by the essence of a rather verbose pelican, his intelligence remained untouched. Thus it was that he never questioned allowing Morty to keep a total of the amount of gold that Zobbie owes the party for raising him after Velvet killed him. (Morty is a bit math-challenged.) Zobbie is attempting to pay off his debt to the party so they will allow him to return to his wife and children.

Unlike the rest of the party, who are involved on a more or less voluntary basis, Zobbie is closer to an indentured kidnap victim. He is just barely honorable enough not to simply run away without paying off the people to whom he owes his life… but it certainly isn’t going to stop him from bitching about it.